Great Moments in Cinema History, No. MMVI in an Irregular Series:

Brighton, c. 2006. Legendary Aussie goth-rocker Nick Cave is eating a pizza. The phone rings. He answers it.

Cave: G'day, legendary goth-rocker Nick Cave here.

Voice on phone: G'day, Nick Cave. This is altercation-prone hard-man actor Russell Crowe speaking.

Cave: G'day, Russell Crowe. What can I do you for?

Crowe: Yeah, well, me and the lads have been trying to come up with a script for a sequel to Gladiator   – you know, the film I won the Oscar for?

Cave: Oh yeah – 'I am not yet entertained', and all that.

Crowe: Close enough, mate. Anyway, we're struggling to come up with an idea and it occurred to me that you might be the bloke for the job. Fancy taking a swing at it?

Cave: You know I've never actually written a movie, mate.

Crowe: Yeah, but how hard can it be? You should see some of the drongos who turn up to script meetings here. Do a bloke a favour, mate.

Cave: Yeah, all right, mate. Hang on, didn't you die at the end of the first one?

Crowe: Ah, you can fix that easy enough, mate, can't you?

Cave: Let me have a little think, mate, I'll be in touch.

(It's just possible this may be news to you, but I swear it is all true.)

And, lo, Nick Cave duly delivered a script entitled Gladiator: Christ Killer, in which Russell Crowe is booted out of the afterlife on a mission for the Roman gods, his objective to stop the rise of Christianity. Naturally he fails and ends up cursed to an eternal life of conflict and horror, with the final scenes seeing him working as an advisor to the George W Bush administration in the Pentagon. Now, I don't know about you, but I would cheerfully do quite naughty things to get to see that movie – even more than the Titanic sequel where Leonardo DiCaprio gets defrosted out of a block of ice.

So, anyway, the Gladiator sequel we have actually received is a rather more conventional affair, directed once again by Ridley Scott – some people have actually suggested it's not much more than a thinly-disguised remake of the original, although that's a pretty good description of a lot of sequels and always has been.

Gladiator II (or Gladiiator, as it appears on screen) opens fifteen years after the end of the original movie (which is sort of reprised during the opening credits) – things are just as bad as they ever were, with a pair of lunatic emperors and Rome in turmoil. Technically it's about 195 AD, though the film casts loose from the anchor of actual history with great enthusiasm. Paul Mescal plays Hanno, a young man living in Numidia in North Africa, who is quite happy feeding his chickens (a hobby which has left him improbably bulked up) until the Roman navy arrives, intent on subjugating the region.

Hanno and his wife go off to participate in the defence (Mrs Hanno gets a name and a couple of lines of dialogue, which is more than Mrs Maximus managed in the first one), and battle is duly joined, in the thunderous and spectacular style which is Gladiiator's default setting. However, it does not go well for the Numidians, with Roman general Acacius (Pedro Pascal) triumphant and Mrs Hanno� well, it's a cameo role, unfortunately. A distraught Hanno gets captured and enslaved and then dragged off to Rome.

At which point the plot thickens. Having proved himself in combat against man-eating baboons, Hanno is bought by devious power-broker Macrinus (Denzel Washington) and sent to the arena, where he hopes circumstances will eventually bring him face to face with Acacius. However, Acacius (who, it turns out, is married to Lucilla – Connie Nielsen from the first film) is sick of imperial slaughter and is planning to overthrow the emperors. But news of a ferocious new gladiator can't help but stir memories in Lucilla – both of Maximus and the long-lost son he left her with, whose whereabouts are currently unknown. Could Maximus Jr possibly have found his way to Numidia�?

So, as you've probably noticed, some of the plot functions from the first film have been split between different actors – Paul Mescal plays the gladiator intent on revenge, Pedro Pascal plays the famous general who falls out with a mad emperor, Denzel Washington plays Oliver Reed, Joseph Quinn and Fred Hechinger both play Joaquin Phoenix, and Connie Nielsen is still playing Connie Nielsen. None of this really matters when it comes to the film's big selling point, which is epic spectacle and widescreen slaughter. No-one does this better than Ridley Scott, who is 87 in a few weeks' time but still has more ambition and inventiveness than most directors half his age – the film is stuffed with thumpingly good action sequences. Some of these are a bit outrageous – I had thought Godzilla was the most outlandish thing I'd see in the Colosseum this year; Scott challenges that with an infestation of man-eating sharks – but they're never less than immensely enjoyable.

As I think I've said, I was fairly lukewarm about the first Gladiator for a long time, mainly because I thought the plot was a bit thin. I found this one to be a distinct improvement in that department; the fact there's less of a focus on the protagonist and it's more of an ensemble piece works to enrich the story. The question at stake becomes not one of how to get revenge, but rather whether one should put one's chance at vengeance aside in the name of a greater good, which is much more interesting from a dramatic point of view.

Beyond this, the script is on slightly slippery ground – Paul Mescal's character quotes the original film's script slightly more accurately than Calgacus, though there are a couple of Easter eggs viewers familiar with Roman history should get. Once again it doesn't quite engage with the central irony of the Gladiator series – there's an implicit criticism of the panem et circenses philosophy of the Colosseum, which sits a little oddly with a film which is being advertised with the promise of savage violence – and people keep returning to the idea of 'the dream of Rome' in a way which feels just a bit hollow (though the fact it reminded me of one of Boris Johnson's books may have put me off it too).

Nevertheless, the cast do a terrific job – Paul Mescal's a different kind of actor to Russell Crowe, but this film should mark the point at which he batters down the door to the A-list. But it's a strong ensemble, with Denzel in particular obviously having a whale of a time: his 'Politicssss-ahh!' moment should be turning up a lot in memes and parodies. I would anticipate awards attention for both of these – but also for the film in general, for it is a splendid piece of entertainment. Mainstream Hollywood blockbusters don't get much better than this.

Also Streaming...

...veteran French director Jacques Audiard's new film, Emilia Perez, which is one of this year's punts by Netflix for possible Oscar glory. Some might say it's just a bit too far out there, but Hollywood may want to take a stand given everything else that's currently going on. Zoe Saldana plays Rosa, a disillusioned Mexican lawyer, who is startled to receive a message from Manitas del Monte, a drug cartel leader of baleful reputation, requesting a meeting. It turns out that del Monte is trans and is looking to fake his own death and have sex change surgery without anyone knowing, including his wife (Selena Gomez). Rosa agrees to act for del Monte in this matter, in exchange for a massive pile of money, but is surprised when, several years later, a rather familiar woman named Emilia Perez approaches her requesting further help...

Fairly pedestrian stuff, I hear you say, but hang on – it's a musical. The songs are a bit of a mixed bag and some of them are just plain peculiar (there's one called 'Vaginoplasty' which I would put in the 'too much information' folder), but there are a couple of absolute bangers in there as well. I've seen it suggested that the songs are there to distract attention from the wilder eccentricities of the plot, but the whole thing is pitched on a very melodramatic, operatic level – though there are some profoundly touching and powerful moments as well. In many ways it feels like – well, if Pedro Almodovar made a musical drama about the gender transition of a Mexican drug dealer and the ultimately brutal consequences for her and her friends and family, it would look something like this. A striking and impressive movie that's not nearly as niche as it sounds.

Awix

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