[God is…] watching these Luciferians destroy this planet, destroy the animal kingdom, destroy the plant kingdom, change human DNA. Why? They want to change human DNA so that you can’t be born again. That’s where they’re going with this, to change the DNA of humans so it will be impossible for a human to be born again.

Rick Wiles (US radio host, 'pundit' and all-around authority on conspiracies)

Today's theological rebuttal will be led off by master theologian Dr Martin Luther, who advises Mr Wiles to 'chill'.

Be strong and of good courage, and by all means throw aside these monstrous thoughts. Whenever the devil vexes you with these thoughts, seek the company of others, or drink more, joke more, make nonsense, or engage in some other form of merriment. Sometimes one must drink more, joke, make nonsense, and even commit some sin in defiance and contempt of the devil in order not to give him an opportunity to make us scrupulous about trifles.

Letter to Jerome Weller, July, 1530

Also by Jesus of Nazareth.

Do you not yet understand that everything that goes into the mouth goes into the stomach and is cast out into the sewer? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart: these defile the person.

Matthew 15:17-18, Dmitri Gheorgheni Translation

And St Paul, weighing in on the food business.

But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.

1 Corinthians 8:18, New International Version

That being said, those Impossible Burgers are creepy as all get-out, and I wouldn't eat one on a dare. I have enough food allergies already.

Dmitri Gheorgheni