Everything was coming together for the Roman Empire. Brutus, Cassius and their fellow conspirators against Julius Caesar had been defeated at Phillipi and a new triumvirate  had successfully been established. For a time, there was peace.

So, Mark Antony decided to take a holiday down to Egypt, where he met a beautiful woman named Cleopatra with whom he cheated on his lovely and faithful wife.

When the Sicilians threatened to invade Rome, he hurried back, patched up his relationship with Caesar by marrying his sister, talked the Sicilians out of it, then hooked up with Cleopatra again.

Caesar pretended to be surprised, killed Lepidus and assembled an army. Antony challenged Caesar to one-on-one combat, which made Caesar laugh, then ran away to Egypt with Cleopatra like a coward.

Cleopatra felt like she wasn't getting enough attention and decided to pretend to die. She sent a messenger to give Antony the news.

A few moments later she remembered how little it takes to get a Roman to kill himself and sent another messenger to tell him that it was all a joke and that she wished him luck.


It was all in vain, of course, as Antony had stabbed himself before the first messenger had even finished, and was bleeding out when the second messenger arrived.

You idiot, he said, she's not really dead.

To which Antony replied, you've got to be bloody joking, and died.

Cleopatra, a bit disappointed by the results of her exploit, asked Octavius if he was single, who laughed.

So she decided to do things the Roman way, bought a basket of asps, and died.

Caesar must have said something like, well, that was easy, and proceded to assume power over the entire Roman empire. This would prove fatal for millions.