How to satisfy modern women’s appetite.

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A new study shows that modern women have a good appetite but an adverse reaction to any form of cooking. Modern women it seems are very good at drinking and eating but are utterly opposed to the actions which come before these two events; grape crushing and food preparation.

Today, a modern woman expects her man to cook; hence home economics needs to be added to the list of male relationship skills. Her taste in men has changed, for the modern woman a dishy man takes on a whole new different meaning.

Actually there is nothing modern about this at all, before fire was invented Stone Age man hunted and performed some basic gutting preparation to the food and Stone Age woman ate it without even having to wash the plates afterwards. The invention of fire it seems was the start of women’s cooking and washing up dilemmas.

Unfortunately men have not had enough time to catch up with these new female trends and therefore are lacking these particular womanising skills. Drink is not too difficult as men were already used to plying them with alcohol but food is a different kettle of fish. Remember dinner date humour is good, but funny tasting food won’t make her laugh.

There are two main obstacles to a successful culinary relationship, skill and money. The first (mainly for DIY cooks) is avoiding that their prospective partner feels nauseous, before, during or after the meal. This can be caused by the intentional over plying of alcohol to cover-up a tasteless dinner, or more likely the hostile chemical reaction of male home cooking coming into contact with female digestive juices.

For those men who are total no-hopers when it comes to food, then the main thing to look for in your modern woman is palate deficiency.

Another option is to take her to a good gourmet restaurant every day; this is usually safer but soon leads to cost levitation and a lack of dough hence tighter gastronomic budgets; consequentially the uninviting extra curries and cheap takeaways can cause the relationship to suffer from premature termination.

Unfortunately, this is true even for the more culinary endowed men, but don’t worry too much boys, if your yeast does flop then there is always self raising flour.


Before you all run off to sign on for expensive cooking courses I recommend you first read my latest books.

  • Eggs and Chips saved my marriage (But ruined her waistline)

  • Chip butties are not romantic

  • Sweet and Sour courting (or how to woo woo)

  • For Batter or for worse.

  • Avoid disappointments, become a breakfast chef.

  • Hunger, the lazy man’s way to a woman’s heart.

  • 10 Quick and easy leg of lamb over recipes

  • Is divorce caused by bad taste?

  • Nowadays Even man-eaters expect a starter.

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