h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good enough yet

I might change the number of changes you use convey the sense of change in the opening sentence.

As for the rest, I am still reading it and will come back to it a bit later today.

Thanks for that all done

Any comments

Yup - I have some.

The content is great (the first sentence still contains the word "change" three times) but the headers didn't lead me through the content as well as they might.

Sometimes the headings are the names of the children and sometimes they are the names of the parents. I think they could usefully be more explicit (say "Children of James IV and Anne") and more consistent. Then the paragraphs about the children ("Henry, Prince of Wales", "Elizabeth", "Charles, Prince of Wales") can have their own idiom. I did initially associate the final paragraphs about Charles with the second of Elizabeth's children, not the fourth of Anne and Jame's. The text made it clear (again, nicely done) but it did take two readings.

The lists of children (which are generally really well done: short and informative) usually lead with the name of the child in bold and then the text, except for the first two.

Thanks for the last comments All taken care of any more comments

These are all stand alone entries however I feel that they should be linked in some way.
Originally inspired by
The Life Of Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots A21605320


James Ist, Comes To The English Throne A87793960
George Villiers The Duke of Buckingham A87794419
Charles At The Court Of Spain A87794428
Charles At The Court Of France - Marriage and Intrigue A87794437
Henry, Elizabeth and Charles Stuart A87794400

This is planned to be the last in the series
Charles The First Of England - Marriage And War A87797056

This is a related pair of postscript entries that follow the course of the Stewart dynasty and in their own way inspired the James and Charles Entries

Oliver Cromwell: Lord Protector of the Commonwealth A45871040
The 1689 Siege Of Derry A45561134

Any ideas

NB
Had I thought that I would get this far I would have created university group.

Any comments please

Entry: Henry Elizabeth and Charles Stuart - A87794400
Author: bobstafford - U3151547

I've had a read through and had another think. Here are my suggestions, for you to consider:

I think I'd avoid having the first footnote in the opening sentence, as this is footnote heavy and too many footnotes to begin with might put readers off. Maybe ''James VI of Scotland (later James I of England)'.

Perhaps also footnotes 4 and 8 can be included in the text. Footnote 2 could become part of the Margaret bit, such as:

'Margaret Stuart Born 24th December 1598, though she joined Elizabeth in the care of Lord and Lady Livingstone at Linlithgow Palace, she died March 1600 aged only 2 years 2 months.'

Similarly, footnote 8 could become a paragraph in its own right.

There seems to be a contradiction in the text that needs explaining. First you say:
'but the preference was for a Protestant princess, and Anne was perfect'
So we get the impression that Anne is a perfect Protestant princess. Shortly after that, we read:
'James worried about Anne's tendency toward Catholic faith. James a staunch Protestant could not allow the boy's mother to make a Catholic out of Henry'
Eh? When did Anne become Catholic? Or was she not the perfect, perky, Protestant princess we were led to believe?

If so, mention this earlier, perhaps after the sentence 'It sounds easy to choose a bride from the European royal houses, but the preference was for a Protestant princess, and Anne was perfect.' By opening with 'it sounds easy... but' - the reader is led to expect an unforeseen difficulty, but then there doesn't seem to be one, what with Anne being perfect. But if Anne only appeared to be Protestant but secretly is Catholic after all, the sentence makes sense and explains James' later worries. Something like ' the preference was for a Protestant princess, and though Anne appeared perfect, she secretly followed the Catholic faith / later converted to Catholicism'.

You also mention 'some of the ridiculous inbred creatures of today' which seems a little harsh if not backed up. I know that animal charities such as the RSCPA feel that some pedigree dog breeds are bred to perpetuate appearance while sacrificing the animals' health - are poodles one of the breeds affected? If so, I'd want to see a footnote explaining that so we know that 'ridiculous inbred creatures' is not merely a personal opinion.

http://www.rspca.org.uk/adviceandwelfare/pets/dogs/health/pedigreedogs

Oh, and I still think that

'It started simply with King James VI of Scotland1 who had chosen for his wife, Princess Anne of Denmark, younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II.'

Would read better as 'King James VI of Scotland (later also James I of England) chose to marry Princess Anne of Denmark, the younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II.'

<BB<

Thanks BB Good points all sorted please comment

PS. are poodles one of the breeds affected?

Yes it was a dog put against boar and wolf the lions main of hair was to protect the throat from tusks and teeth. Affected yes the breed has been all but destroyed.

I've no more comments with this one, looks good to me.

<BB<

Thanks for the helpful comments

Still looks good.

<BB<

You still have both the original and re-written versions of your introduction. You should delete the opening paragraph ' King James VI of Scotland (later also James I of England) chose to marry Princess Anne of Denmark, the younger daughter of the Protestant King Frederick II' as you say this all in the next paragraph.

Maybe you could split up this sentence into two: ' The couple stayed at Elsinore and Copenhagen for some weeks as gusts of Anne's father Frederick, travelling by sea to Scotland together they arrived on 1st May 1590.'
It is possibly unclear whether they were still with Frederick when they travelled to Scotland.

I also think perhaps it would read better if you moved the sentence about James and Anne's ages at the time of the wedding to the paragraph in which the wedding is described. Something like:
'The couple were formally married in Oslo at the Bishop's Palace in November 1589. James was 23 and Anne only 14, born 12 December, 1574 she was one month short of her 15th birthday.'

What do you think?

<BB<

Thanks BB adjusted as recommended

Post immediately above, 'gusts' should be 'guests'.

Its still that way in the text.

Hi bob.

You use both Stuart and Stewart in this. Did the family use both spellings?