Tourist Guide to Moscow
Created | Updated Jan 30, 2003
Well done, you've selected a truly fascinating city for your visit.
If you bear these things in mind, you should get more from your trip than just a set of Matroshka dolls and a huge hole in your bank account.
Learn the Russian alphabet. This is invaluable for getting around on the fantastic metro (their version of the Underground). Just a few minutes learning will save you ages in trying to work out destinations "on the fly". Russian is very complicated. A smattering of words and phrases is really not enough to communicate at any useful level- dont bother unless you're going to be there for a few weeks/ months. Though "Spass-ee-ba" (thankyou) and Pah-zhal-sta (please) will get you a smile that says "thanks for trying" from some but stares burning with suspicion from others.
Clothes. You won't blend in. As a Westerner the quality and style of your clothes will instantly mark you out as a non-resident. Abandon any ideas of buying a Shapka (classic Russian fur hat) in order to appear inconspicuous. This will have exactly the opposite effect.
Food. Prices in Western Style restaurants are usually the interstellar side of astronomic and quality varies dramatically. For a cheap fill up, pop into a "Russky Bistro". You can find these on most streets in the centre of Moscow- the logo is a bearded guy in a shapka. Their pies and beer cost a few pence. Plus there's plenty of authentic local "colour" to check out while you eat.
Red Square/ Lenin's Tomb. Of course you've got to check out Red Square but I've never met anyone who has enjoyed a trip to Lenin's tomb. Universally people describe being prodded rapidly through by sad-faced Russian soldiers.
The Law. Russian cops get paid almost nothing. If you break a "law" (often made up on the spot), they will almost always fine you. It's usual to find some problem with your passport/ visa/ regsitration. This is done to make you panic. They ask for an outrageous sum of money. Thats your cue to haggle (hope you learnt your numbers!), offer them a maximum of 500 roubles. This will make them go away. Don't believe your intrinsic innocence will ensure that the forces of justice will win the day. Pay the money and get on with your holiday.
Alcohol. Despite the prevalence of cheap alcohol, public drunkeness is frowned upon. Old women will spit on you and the cops will stop you and "fine" you (see above). Tipsy is allowed, but if you've got to get off your face, do it behind your hotel room doors.
The Locals. Muscovites seem like a surly bunch, seen in transit on the metro and jockeying for position in shops. This is not true. If you are lucky enough to make friends with any Muscovites, you will experience fantastic hospitality and gain a friend for life. But don't expect them to fall at your feet because you are Western (that especially goes out to the fellas). Muscovites are very proud of their city, their country and their traditions. And a friendly guide is an invaluable source of information.
Crime. Moscow's reputation as a crime capital, peopled by shady mafia types is unfair. Undoubtedly they are present, but you won't come into contact with them, unless you're very unlucky. And for the men, always bear in mind that you haven't turned into a rampant sex machine by entering the country. Those two gorgeous girls offering to take you back to your room for a threesome will have slipped you a Mickey Finn, stripped you of all valuables and be back in another nightclub lining up another sucker before you can say "Hurrah for Glasnost". A basic rule here, as anywhere else, is "if it looks too good to be true, it is!".
Money. Dollars will get you anything you require. Your biggest problem will be avoiding paying over the odds for everything. This cannot be done unless you speak some Russian and know your way around the city quite well. You'll just have to budget for it.
So, Moscow is an amazing city. But if you want to explore it independently of a tourist package with its inherent tourist prices, you'll need to learn the language. I lived there for two years and can honestly say it's given me much more than I ever believed it would. I'm not much on history and art but the society and general culture provide a fascinatingly alternative spin on Western lifestyles.
If you bear these things in mind, you should get more from your trip than just a set of Matroshka dolls and a huge hole in your bank account.
Learn the Russian alphabet. This is invaluable for getting around on the fantastic metro (their version of the Underground). Just a few minutes learning will save you ages in trying to work out destinations "on the fly". Russian is very complicated. A smattering of words and phrases is really not enough to communicate at any useful level- dont bother unless you're going to be there for a few weeks/ months. Though "Spass-ee-ba" (thankyou) and Pah-zhal-sta (please) will get you a smile that says "thanks for trying" from some but stares burning with suspicion from others.
Clothes. You won't blend in. As a Westerner the quality and style of your clothes will instantly mark you out as a non-resident. Abandon any ideas of buying a Shapka (classic Russian fur hat) in order to appear inconspicuous. This will have exactly the opposite effect.
Food. Prices in Western Style restaurants are usually the interstellar side of astronomic and quality varies dramatically. For a cheap fill up, pop into a "Russky Bistro". You can find these on most streets in the centre of Moscow- the logo is a bearded guy in a shapka. Their pies and beer cost a few pence. Plus there's plenty of authentic local "colour" to check out while you eat.
Red Square/ Lenin's Tomb. Of course you've got to check out Red Square but I've never met anyone who has enjoyed a trip to Lenin's tomb. Universally people describe being prodded rapidly through by sad-faced Russian soldiers.
The Law. Russian cops get paid almost nothing. If you break a "law" (often made up on the spot), they will almost always fine you. It's usual to find some problem with your passport/ visa/ regsitration. This is done to make you panic. They ask for an outrageous sum of money. Thats your cue to haggle (hope you learnt your numbers!), offer them a maximum of 500 roubles. This will make them go away. Don't believe your intrinsic innocence will ensure that the forces of justice will win the day. Pay the money and get on with your holiday.
Alcohol. Despite the prevalence of cheap alcohol, public drunkeness is frowned upon. Old women will spit on you and the cops will stop you and "fine" you (see above). Tipsy is allowed, but if you've got to get off your face, do it behind your hotel room doors.
The Locals. Muscovites seem like a surly bunch, seen in transit on the metro and jockeying for position in shops. This is not true. If you are lucky enough to make friends with any Muscovites, you will experience fantastic hospitality and gain a friend for life. But don't expect them to fall at your feet because you are Western (that especially goes out to the fellas). Muscovites are very proud of their city, their country and their traditions. And a friendly guide is an invaluable source of information.
Crime. Moscow's reputation as a crime capital, peopled by shady mafia types is unfair. Undoubtedly they are present, but you won't come into contact with them, unless you're very unlucky. And for the men, always bear in mind that you haven't turned into a rampant sex machine by entering the country. Those two gorgeous girls offering to take you back to your room for a threesome will have slipped you a Mickey Finn, stripped you of all valuables and be back in another nightclub lining up another sucker before you can say "Hurrah for Glasnost". A basic rule here, as anywhere else, is "if it looks too good to be true, it is!".
Money. Dollars will get you anything you require. Your biggest problem will be avoiding paying over the odds for everything. This cannot be done unless you speak some Russian and know your way around the city quite well. You'll just have to budget for it.
So, Moscow is an amazing city. But if you want to explore it independently of a tourist package with its inherent tourist prices, you'll need to learn the language. I lived there for two years and can honestly say it's given me much more than I ever believed it would. I'm not much on history and art but the society and general culture provide a fascinatingly alternative spin on Western lifestyles.
