Sports Journalism 101
Created | Updated Oct 22, 2012
Hi there Sportsfan! You're reading this page because you're keen to mix it with the top sports personalities of the day.
First abandon any ideas you may have about exposing 'the truth'. Most professional sports clubs have a truly Soviet approach to giving out any interesting information.
That means when Club X's star striker is caught trouserless in the company of two of the local comprehensive's Year 11 females in his Beamer Z3- you WILL be invited to a press conference.
But it will be about the club's new incentive to provide all OAP season ticket holders with a free cup of soup during all home games played on a Saturday in January.
Second, on no account say anything clever in front of the club's press officer. These bovine individuals are usually failed journalists who mutter things like "I don't mind when journos get promoted if they're talented... but XXX just got the editorship by sleeping with the boss".
They will hate you for your chance to succeed where they failed. Smile at them. Then grind their stupid faces into the dust by binning whatever lame-o 'story' they've concocted to make the club look good and instead get some audio/ copy from the fanzine editor of your club's next opponents. Make sure you buy him three pints of Stella and faithfully report any derogatory comments he's got to make about your club.
Third, don't ask a footballer how he scored a goal. Standard answer: "I just hit it and it went in". He's not allowed to say anything controversial on pain of being dropped/ fined/ made to coach the ladies team.
Fourth, stats don't fool anybody into thinking you've got a story. Useless padding like the "Spartak Moscow's Sportivnaya stadium was built to withstand the stamping of 100,000 pairs of feet. As it was being built the then president insisted that all visitors should be able to see approximately 26 acres of sky from any seat in the ground" is the work of a sports journalist with space/ airtime to fill.
Fifth, the less original you are the better. Think "slotted home" rather than "scored", "are set to swoop for Player Z" rather than "are about to make an offer for Player Z".
Tune in next time for "how to interview Hector Cuper and other non-English speaking football luminaries".
(mtbmadness is no longer a sports journalist)
First abandon any ideas you may have about exposing 'the truth'. Most professional sports clubs have a truly Soviet approach to giving out any interesting information.
That means when Club X's star striker is caught trouserless in the company of two of the local comprehensive's Year 11 females in his Beamer Z3- you WILL be invited to a press conference.
But it will be about the club's new incentive to provide all OAP season ticket holders with a free cup of soup during all home games played on a Saturday in January.
Second, on no account say anything clever in front of the club's press officer. These bovine individuals are usually failed journalists who mutter things like "I don't mind when journos get promoted if they're talented... but XXX just got the editorship by sleeping with the boss".
They will hate you for your chance to succeed where they failed. Smile at them. Then grind their stupid faces into the dust by binning whatever lame-o 'story' they've concocted to make the club look good and instead get some audio/ copy from the fanzine editor of your club's next opponents. Make sure you buy him three pints of Stella and faithfully report any derogatory comments he's got to make about your club.
Third, don't ask a footballer how he scored a goal. Standard answer: "I just hit it and it went in". He's not allowed to say anything controversial on pain of being dropped/ fined/ made to coach the ladies team.
Fourth, stats don't fool anybody into thinking you've got a story. Useless padding like the "Spartak Moscow's Sportivnaya stadium was built to withstand the stamping of 100,000 pairs of feet. As it was being built the then president insisted that all visitors should be able to see approximately 26 acres of sky from any seat in the ground" is the work of a sports journalist with space/ airtime to fill.
Fifth, the less original you are the better. Think "slotted home" rather than "scored", "are set to swoop for Player Z" rather than "are about to make an offer for Player Z".
Tune in next time for "how to interview Hector Cuper and other non-English speaking football luminaries".
(mtbmadness is no longer a sports journalist)
