h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

EPISODE 1

The Supreme Dalek stared at the viewscreen in his most private chamber on the planet Skaro. Recently things had gone from bad to worse, an entire army of Daleks frozen on spiridon, the time destructor in ruins, and now Davros had escaped trial and execution. Although he was in overall charge of the biggest empire in the galaxy things always seemed to be ruined at the last minute. But now he had concocted a master plan.

Recently The Time Lord known as the Master had been captured, the Supreme Dalek had devised a plan to send the master after the doctor in exchange for his life and freedom, once the doctor was dead the Daleks would grow stronger and although revenge was not a Dalek concept punishment was and soon the doctors punishment would be at hand, the master had already left and would pursue the doctor across all time and space while giving reports to the Supreme Dalek soon very soon the doctor would be dead and nothing would stand in the way of the Daleks!

Far from the ravaged wastelands of Skaro, in a quiet little graveyard on the planet Earth just outside of Perivale, the Doctor was stood in mournful reflection. He gazed at the headstone in front of him - DOROTHY McSHANE; AT PEACE WITH HERSELF read the simple inscription. The Doctor turned and walked away, more alone than he had ever been after seven lifetimes of companionship - and now there was no one. Ace's death was like an open wound and had forced the Doctor to take stock and question his actions. He felt a cold chill as he closed the gates of the graveyard, the familiar blue shape of the TARDIS waiting for him at the bottom of the lane...

"Target located" chanted the Dalek at the scanner controls, "Co-ordinates 459234DG"
"Detach a landing party,” ordered the Red Dalek.
"I obey" the silver and blue Dalek turned back to its controls. The Red Dalek turned to its private com-screen and activated it. The picture flickered on to show the Black Dalek on Skaro.
"The Doctor has fallen for our plan,” the Red Dalek reported,
"He believes the girl to be dead?" asked the Black Dalek,
"Affirmative"
"I shall report your findings to the Supreme Dalek,” the Black Dalek informed,
"Terminate communications" The screen went blank and the Red Dalek pressed the second button. The screen changed to show the young girl in her cell.
"Your confidence in the Doctor is misplaced" chanted the Dalek, "He has fallen for the trap and soon he will die!" the Red Dalek's voice rose to the closest thing that Daleks had to manic before the screen went dead again.

"Brigadier!”The Doctor greeted his old friend.
"Well, bless my soul, Doctor, what on Earth are you doing here?"‘ "I haven't seen you since that nasty business at Vortigen's Lake. Is young Ace with you?"
"Alas, no, Brigadier. That's why I'm on Earth, visiting her grave."
The Doctor recounted the tale of how she had perished saving the lives of innocent people on the planet Kanderaan and of her dying wish to be taken home to be buried.
"So, that's it, old friend, while I was here I thought I'd look you up.the garden's looking good."
"Well it would look a lot better without your TARDIS slap bang in the middle of it. It's a good job Doris is away - she'd have a fit if she saw that."

Meanwhile, deep in the coldness of space, a Dalek Task Force was heading towards Earth. On the mother ship, a viewscreen flickered into life.
The face of the Master beamed down from it.
"Report!" chanted the Supreme Dalek. "I have the Doctor in my sights. It seems he's taking tea with another old friend of mine. I will plant the tracer and my work for you will be done.'
"You will not fail the DALEKS!" "Oh no". Chuckled the Master. "I will not fail the Daleks" The viewscreen went dead...
"I do not trust this Time Lord”, said the Supreme Dalek.
"He will be EXTERMINATED if he dares to double cross the DALEKS!"
The Dalek lender dropped quietly into the middle of a forest, a cloaking device operating at all times. On board, the Master stood with his cyborg colleagues.
"I will only need a second's clear view to plant the tracer."
"YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TO DO."
"Of course I understand you metallic ingrate. It's not exactly difficult." Though, the Master thought, a little more complicated than the Daleks realised... but he wasn't about to tell them that.
"OPEN THE DOORS"
The landing craft's door opened, a ramp sliding down to the floor. The Master walked into the forest and turned. "Don't wait up."
"DO NOT MOCK US."
"I wouldn't dare." The Master fingered his tissue compression eliminator, and smiled inwardly.
How little they knew. Pulling the Daleks' tracer gun from his pocket, the Master walked into the forest, heading for his rendezvous with the Doctor

The supreme dalek was alone in the control room watching the escaped prisoners on his viewscreen in fury. The master entered out of breath.
"WELL!" demanded the supreme dalek.

"I can't find them, they've escaped" he said. Just as the supreme Dalek was about to shoot the master dead, the doctor and his companions entered.

"Well, well" said the master. The doctor drew the small electronic device from his pocket and threw it at the supreme dalek. He spun out of control into the wall and fell silent and motionless.

The master put his hands up.

The brigadier and ace grabbed the master as the doctor began to press switches on the control panel.

"SELF DESTRUCT IN FIVE MINUTES" said a voice.

"You twit!" screeched the master. The brigadier knocked the master out.

"shall I bring him" he asked the doctor.

"No, leave him with his new found friends" the doctor said and they all left the room.

Daleks were darting for escape pods. The doctor gestured for his companions to get in a shuttle.

"Right, Ace I think you know how to pilot this pod" he said.

"Right" said ace. The shuttle pod zoomed out of the main hangar.

In the control room, the master scrambled to his feet.

The supreme dalek was recovering and moved his way over to the door.

"wait help me" the master said barley able to move.

The supreme dalek moved into his Tardis. "come with me" he said. The master stumbled into the Tardis and they de-materialised away.

The doctor watched as the dalek ship exploded into flame.

"Well that puts a stop to their research for a while" the doctor said.

"I, Davros, will become the SUPREME BEING!!!!!!!" A red light blinked on the control panel in front of him. He hit the button beneath and the picture on the screen spluttered and changed.

"Report" he ordered in a much calmer tone.

"Stage one of the plan is complete Davros" reported the Rani,

"The Daleks believe you dead?" the mutant scientist asked,

"Correct, the duplicate duped them completely" "Excellent. You have the weapon I gave you?"

The Rani nodded and showed Davros the stubby pistol, "One shot against a Dalek dome and their dead"

"Good. Once you have assassinated the Supreme Dalek you will release the serum that will transform the Daleks"

"I obey Davros" the Rani halted,

"May I ask what will happen to the Daleks once they are transformed?" Davros nodded and pressed a button on the desk. A door slid open and his test Dalek slid in.

"Observe" Davros removed a syringe containing a drop of the serum and opened one of the bumps on the Dalek's base. Davros slid the needle into place and injected the dark orange venom. The Dalek spluttered and spun, cracks forming on its armour. With a terrible crash the Dalek shell was split asunder and a human shaped mutant, with leprous skin stood up. Slime was oozing from its skin and its single staring blue eye looked around at its new surroundings.

"Behold" Davros breathed heavily, "the birth of the DAVRITES!!!!!!"

The Rani listened to the Doctor's inane drivel from the back of the shuttle. So she and Davros' plan had failed, but she could still kill the Doctor.

"Not so fast!" she bellowed at the four figures in front of her.

"So, Doctor you thwarted my earlier attempt, but I still have an Ace up my sleeve" She removed Davros' serum from her pocket,

"This could transform a Dalek into a hideous beast. I wonder what it would do to a Time Lord and his friends" She placed her gas mask on her face and reached for the button to release the gas.

"Wait!" the Doctor held out a hand, "I to have an Ace up my sleeve" Before the Rani could ask the obvious question that idiotic companion of the Doctor's hit her over the head with a baseball bat and it all went black...

The Supreme Dalek was in a private chamber on Skaro, a strange insect-like machine carrying his biological form to be put in a new casing. he selected a black casing with white spots, and was lowered in. He was still cautious about trusting the Master and the Master was more than capable of destroying a squad of six daleks, a mistake had been made to trust him, but he would kill the doctor merely out of revenge, which was why he would not fail, however thought the supreme dalek, perhaps he should supervise this mission himself, yes he would, the doctor had caused the death of many of his other selves, he kept a constant supply of clones of himself so that when one died another was activated. He moved to a communicator.
"This is the supreme Dalek, ready a Tardis" Soon the daleks would conquer the universe...soon, very soon...
The storage hold of the Dalek ship was cavernous and shaped like a very evil and minimalist cathedral. The floor space was taken up by rows and rows of Daleks. The Red Dalek stood at the front of his troops and watched the empty space in front of him, awaiting the arrival of the Supreme Dalek. Slowly a rushing, clanking, electronic noise filled the bay and a black chrome cuboid faded into focus. Slowly a section on the front of the box swung down and a squad of ten Daleks slid out. They took there places at the sides of the door and, after a couple of moments, the Supreme Dalek slid out and over to the Red Dalek.
"Report" ordered the Supreme Dalek,
"The landing party have deployed the Master" the Red Dalek informed him,
"Excellent" replied there leader, "Once he has placed the tracker he will be EXTERMINATED. He is an unnecessary risk"


Brigadier Bambera sat in the driver's seat of the landrover and watched the bearded man emerge from the forest and jog across the open field.
"White queen to black rook, do you read me, over?" she called into the walkie talkie.
"This is black rook to white queen, reading you loud and clear, over" came the static laden reply.
"Have sighted figure emerging from drop ship area, over" she raised the binoculars to her eyes once again and watched the man climb over a wooden fence.
"Sending pick up team to assist, over" replied the voice.
"What is the their PTA?, Over"
"Pick up team should be with you in ten minutes, over"
"Thank you black rook. This is white queen, over and out" Bambera switched of the walkie talkie and climbed out of the landrover to get a better look at the bearded man.
"Halt" ordered an electronic staccato voice from behind her. She turned to face a large silver pepper pot with blue lumps around its base.
Bambera knew enough about the UNIT case files to realise that she was face to eyestalk with a Dalek .
'You are an enemy of the Daleks - you will be EXTERMINATED !', grated the Dalek . Suddenly , there was a flash of white light and the Dalek was miniaturised before Bambera's eyes. From the shadows stepped the bearded man , chuckling to himself as he looked down at the shrunken Dalek .
'Oh , shame ' , said Bambera , 'don't tell me , you are the Master and I will obey you , right ? '
'My dear , I couldn't have put it any better myself ' , retorted the Master , his Tissue Compression Eliminator aimed at her .
'Dalek down', 'Dalek down' , the cry went round the Dalek control room , 'Despatch a squadron , exterminate the Master , exterminate , exterminate. EXTERMINATE !!!!'


From her holding cell , Ace could hear the commotion on the Dalek bridge .'Hmm..' she said to herself '..something's upset them '.

The Brigadier and the Doctor looked around sharply at the noise of laser fire from the forest behind them. The Doctor gritted his teeth.
'Daleks!'
'It must be Bambera!'
They raced into the forest, the Brigadier some distance behind. The Doctor pulled up short outside a clearing. The Master stood in the centre of the grassy area, Bambera held in front of him, his tce pressed to her head. Ranged across the other side of the grove were a dozen Daleks.
'The Brigadier, Bambera AND the Master?' The Doctor shook his head. This was looking seriously like less than coincidence.
'Let go of her,' the Brigadier shouted. 'They'll kill you anyway, why take her down?'
'Why not!' the Master shouted back.
Bambera shoved her arm into the Masters stomach. As he doubled up in pain, she sprinted away across the clearing.
'OPEN FIRE!'
The Master writhed in the beams of energy from the Dalek guns and collapsed.
'DOCTOR. WE HAVE SAVED YOU. THIS MAN WAS PLANNING TO KILL YOU.'
The Doctor frowned. Just what was going on?
From his vantage point, the real Master chuckled. The android had been just lifelike enough. And the Doctor was equally fooled by the duplicate Brigadier.

He opened up a transmat and contacted the Supreme Dalek. 'Your servants have obeyed their orders totally and killed what they believed to be me. All is going to plan.'
He closed the channel, picked up the tracer gun, and fired the tracking device onto the Doctors back.

The Supreme Dalek was pleased with the way things were going. He glided to Ace's cell and faced her.
"The Doctor has been fooled by our duplicates, soon he will die, and so will you!"
Ace frowned at the Supreme Dalek. The Supreme Dalek turned to leave, he heard Ace shout some abuse at him and carried on regardless, everything was going to plan soon...very soon... Ace stopped shouting and listened carefully. The Dalek was clearly out of the way. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small electronic device. If this worked the way the Doctor had said it would, then they'd both be in a whole lot less trouble.

The blue Dalek in charge of the detachment glided forwards towards the Doctor, the Brigadier and Bambera. "We have EXTERMINATED the Master and spared your life, you will be taken aboard the Dalek craft and returned to Skaro. There you will assist the Daleks in becoming the Lords of Time!"
"But the Daleks already have time travel capabilities" replied the Doctor, "So why do you need me?"
"All will be explained by the Supreme Dalek" Another Dalek slid up behind the Doctor, the Brigadier and Bambera and ushered them forwards. They were frog marched through the clearing and into an awaiting Dalek shuttle craft. Within minutes the Daleks had chained them up and put them in a secure cell.
"Do you know what Doctor?" the Brigadier asked his old friend,
"Yes" replied the Doctor. A frown wrinkled Bambera's face,
"Just what are you two on about?" she asked the two old men,
"Well its like this you see" said the Doctor "The Brigadier, myself, you, the Daleks and the Master all know each other, so its a bit of a coincidence that we all turn up on the same planet at the same time don't you think?" Bambera nodded.
"And there's a perfectly good reason for it to" sniggered a female voice from the doorway. They all twisted around to face the brown haired woman with a heart shaped face.
"You" breathed the Doctor.
"Who?" asked the Brigadier.
"The Rani"
"Now hang on" Bambera insisted, holding up a hand, "Just who are you?"
"I am your creator" smiled the female Time Lord. The Doctor frowned.
"What do you mean creator?" he asked,
"Why, haven't you guessed yet Doctor?" the Rani asked in mock surprise, "I'm some what disappointed. You were very close to the truth, these aren't the real Bambera or Brigadier, there duplicates" She pressed a button on her chunky wrist computer and the Brigadier and Bambera sat rigid. "The real ones are currently prisoners of the Daleks"
"Why are you working with the Daleks?" asked the Doctor, "What are you getting out of this?"
"Do you remember the last time we met Doctor? In Greenwich? I was attempting to take over time then, and I failed, but the Daleks offered me the chance to have that power"
"And you believe them do you?" bellowed the Doctor, "You know as well as I do that as soon as they have what they want then they will destroy you!"
"Oh no they won't Doctor" smirked the woman, "Because the Daleks have a TARDIS, a TARDIS I stole for them, but onboard I left a special device that will reprogramme the Dalek people through out space and time. Where ever the Supreme Dalek takes that ship, the Daleks in that era will slowly stop following him and start following me! I WILL BE THE RULER OF THE DALEKS AND I WILL BE RULER OF THE UNIVERSE" The Doctor shook his head in stunned disbelief,
"You've spent to long around them, your becoming like them"
"Oh am I? Well if you look closely then you will see that the Daleks are already bowing to my orders. Even the Supreme Dalek, I ordered him to instigate this trap to catch you and he obeyed!" The Rani stepped aside revealing the corridor beyond.

A Blue Dalek glided to halt in front of the Rani,
"Mistress Rani, we will be docking with the mother ship soon and then we will return to Skaro"
"Excellent" breathed the Rani, "Skaro will become my throne of power, from which I will rule the universe for all eternity"
The Master walked into the bridge of the dalek shuttle and approached the Rani.
"What are you doing here, I no longer need you" she said.
"If I may" the master said.
"very well" she sighed.
"I must say its fascinating how you have this empire in your grasp, I couldn’t have done it better myself" The master said.
"No, you couldn’t" The Rani said arrogantly.
"So, you managed to deceive an entire race into thinking that you and not the supreme dalek was their leader" The Master carried on.
"Did you come here to flatter me!" she snapped.
"No, to destroy you...come in sir" The Master smiled.
A door slid open and the supreme dalek glided in having heard the entire conversation.
"No. NOOOOOOOO" the Rani screeched.
"You have deceived the daleks, exterminate her" the supreme dalek grated. Ten daleks entered the room and fired on the Rani, she screamed and collapsed.
"Leave us" the supreme dalek said. The daleks slid away.
"Your assistance will not be forgotten" the supreme dalek said.
"Im sure. As a reward may i have a place in your empire" The master asked.
"What place?" the supreme dalek asked.
"one at your right hand you know I can be trusted now, do you not" the master said.
"Very well, but deceive me and you will pay with your life"
The master smiled and let out a long laugh, after all this time victory was his.
The supreme dalek was still sceptical.

The Doctor looked on as the Supreme Dalek glided from the room .
'I'm still not sure what my part is in all this ..and where are the Brigadiers ?'
“Patience , my dear Doctor , we must be careful . The Rani’s conditioning has made the Supreme Dalek very unstable . To use a phrase from that pathetic Earth you are so fond of - he doesn’t know if he's coming or going.”
“So you're not working for the Daleks - I might have known , what are you up to ?”
The Master chuckled. “Doctor , it amuses me to see you out of your depth , to have no inkling of what's really going on here but I will put you out of your misery on one thing .”
“What's that ?”
“The companion you believed dead on Kanderaan. Ace?”
“What of her?”
“She's alive and like your military friends , a prisoner of the Daleks. It was her duplicate you saw killed . The burial and the gravestone were just elaborate extensions of the plan. A kind of sick joke , if you like .”The Master chuckled. “That bit was my idea”.
The Doctor's joy at learning that Ace was alive was tempered by an infinite loathing for his old enemy.
The master and the supreme dalek left the doctors cell.
"He does not know that the Rani is dead and he believes I am deceiving you, I assure you we shall get what we need from him" The master said.
"Good" They both left for the control room.

When they arrived at the control room The supreme daleks aide greeted them. "The female prisoner has escaped!" it said frantically.
"FIND HER EXTERMINATE HER! if she escapes our plan will fail" He turned to face the master. "The girl will try and rescue the doctor, they are a threat, this ship is the centre of all dalek time travel research, it must be protected at all costs"
"I will see to it that they do not get away, I promise!" the master said.
"You had better, because without the doctor our plans to build a machine to transfer through different dimensions will not be possible!" the supreme dalek screeched.
The master bowed and ran off in a panic. The supreme dalek turned to the viewscreen on his wall and activated it to show an image of the doctors cell.

The Doctor sat cross legged on the floor of his cell , deep in contemplation , “why didn't I see this coming” he thought to himself. “and just what is that fiend the Master up to”. Still he knew that Ace was alive but was troubled that he hadn't detected the Ace clone on Kanderaan . “That's where they must have made the switch”, he mused, “which means if the Daleks were on Kanderaan , they were very close to the secrets the planet was hiding”.

Kanderaan , located deep into the Valkerias Cluster. A barren world laid bare by millennia of civil war. deep in an underground chamber , a viewer screen showing the Dalek fleet en route for Skaro ..a shadowy figure sat hunched before it.
"soon , yes , very soon , I will make my move . My waiting will be over and I will take my revenge against the Daleks for this wretched existence that I endure . I will emerge from the shadows and take my place as the ruler of all creation .I, Davros , will become the SUPREME BEING !"

Onboard the dalek mother ship, Ace ran to the doctors cell.
"Doctor!" she exclaimed.
"Ace, quick get me out of here" The doctor said.
Ace opened the cell.

The supreme Dalek was furious.
"All daleks! after the prisoners!"

"Ace, do you know how to get out of here" The doctor asked.
"Yes, there’s shuttles in the main docking bay" she said.
"Good, first we have to get The brigadiers" he said.
They rushed out. The brigadier and Bambera sat in their cell.
"Typical, absolutely typical" the brigadier said to himself.
"What do you think these daleks want with us" Bambera said.
"Im not sure" said the brigadier.
Suddenly the doors slid open and The Doctor and Ace rushed in.
"DOCTOR, what in blazes!"
The Doctor opened the door to their cell and got them out.
"Come on we have to get out of here" Ace said.
They ran out still in a shock about what had happened, especially the brigadier.
"Doctor, I heard the dalek in charge tell the master that this is the base for all of their time travel research, if we could destroy it" Ace said.
The doctor smiled.
"Yes, they would lose years of research"
"Come on, to the control room"
"Oh my..." sighed the brigadier.