Greensleeves comes in, and if she's slighly jittery from having been locked out of her account and making a new one, she's such an old hand at this you cannot tell.

She's looking good. Damn good in fact. Her skin's clear, her eyes are bright, and she's lost weight and looks fit. She's wearing a simple shift dress - very Jackie-O - but of course Jackie Onassis never wore green.

Greensleeves looks around, she's clearly pleased to be here. 'Is it my turn?' she says. She shakes herself slightly to centre herself, and all the red-blooded men in the audience sigh. She smiles, draws breath, and starts to sing:

We will Survive

First I was afraid,

I was petrified.

Kept thinking I could never live

without H2 as my Guide,

and I spent so many nights

thinking how I'd be alone.

I would moan

On skype and on the phone.

But we’ve escaped

from Auntie Beeb,

I just walked in and am amazed

by what has been achieved!

I'm so glad that I came back

and will keep my own ID

(best viewed in Alabaster).

We are back and will be free!

Come back here, do!

Walk in the door.

Just come back home now,

H2 is safe forever more.

No need to worry about turning out the lights,

no need to hoover

no need to vacuum ev'ry night.

No not at all.

So lettuce spry.

As long as we know who to blame

we’ll fool around and play.

We've got all our lives to live,

we've got our words to give,

and we'll survive.

We will survive.

It took all the strength I had

not to fall apart,

I kept mailing google groups

and tried to make a start.

And I spent oh so many nights

reading emails from myself,

I used to cry.

Now the site is flying high!

And here we are!

Still using goo

and not that nasty barley-thinghy

(apostrophising poo).

We had to work like bloody trojans

to convince the BBC.

Now we’re doing all our writing

on a site that’s flying free!

Come back here, do!

Walk in the door!

Just come back home now,

H2 is safe forever more.

We miss everyone who’s gone away and said ‘adieu’.

Come back from FaceBook,

Come back and write for Peer Review,

ah yes, you too!

We will survive,

as long as we know how to type

we'll grow and we will thrive.

We've got all our lives to live,

we've got our words to give

and we'll survive.

We will survive.