Nuneaton
Created | Updated Oct 17, 2002
Nuneaton is located approximately 10 miles to the North of Coventry. There is little that can be said about the place other than the fact that it seems to consist of all the bits that were left over when they built Coventry. It's such a dull depressing place that when the Germans bombed Coventry in the war, they didn't bother with Nuneaton - not worth the extra 20 litres of fuel.
To demonstrate the sheer pointlessness of such a town, we should look at it's so called 'notable' features. For a start, Nuneaton is the only town where the ring road actually runs through the middle. Then there's the fountain in the roundabout. Which when turned on in winter, causes water to run onto the road and creates an ice rink in the ring road running through the town centre.
In recent years an Odeon Multiplex Cinema was opened, this failed to return a profit in the early years on the grounds that every time they screened Godzilla the locals were confused at the sight of this monster and spend the day throwing rocks at the screen.
I'm blessed enough to work with a native of Nuneaton, who is not the sharpest tool in the drawer. Some of her more famous quotes are along the lines of:
Nuneaton Native:"No, we ain't got electrickery in Nuneaton"
Human Being:"What? you still use gas televisions?"
NN: (failing to notice this is a joke)"Yeah, I think ours is gas actually"
Born, 'Educated' and bred in Nuneaton, Warwickshire. Not a good sign.
The most recent newsworthy item in Nuneaton was the striking off the list, of a Doctor who had been encouraging illegal trade in Human Organs. It's a bit like that round there. Let it be said that the best thing to ever emerge from this godforsaken place is the A444.
And even that needs resurfacing.
To demonstrate the sheer pointlessness of such a town, we should look at it's so called 'notable' features. For a start, Nuneaton is the only town where the ring road actually runs through the middle. Then there's the fountain in the roundabout. Which when turned on in winter, causes water to run onto the road and creates an ice rink in the ring road running through the town centre.
In recent years an Odeon Multiplex Cinema was opened, this failed to return a profit in the early years on the grounds that every time they screened Godzilla the locals were confused at the sight of this monster and spend the day throwing rocks at the screen.
I'm blessed enough to work with a native of Nuneaton, who is not the sharpest tool in the drawer. Some of her more famous quotes are along the lines of:
Nuneaton Native:"No, we ain't got electrickery in Nuneaton"
Human Being:"What? you still use gas televisions?"
NN: (failing to notice this is a joke)"Yeah, I think ours is gas actually"
Born, 'Educated' and bred in Nuneaton, Warwickshire. Not a good sign.
The most recent newsworthy item in Nuneaton was the striking off the list, of a Doctor who had been encouraging illegal trade in Human Organs. It's a bit like that round there. Let it be said that the best thing to ever emerge from this godforsaken place is the A444.
And even that needs resurfacing.
