McDonald's/Burger King
Created | Updated Apr 2, 2002
Two separate rival places where you can buy 'fast food'; that is, food which
is made beforehand and then quickly reheated with a flamethrower when
ordered. The two places are pretty much the same except for the fact that in
McDonald's every meal's name has the prefix 'Mc' contained in it somewhere.
In either 'restaurant', in any soft drink you order, half the plastic cup
will be full of ice. McDonald's meals fill you up by placing the meat of
severely bloated cattle within their burgers, whereas Burger King meals are
more cattle friendly: instead of using the meat of distended cattle, they
give you severe trapped wind instead, which, while it is far kinder to
animals, is less kind to humans and is extremely uncomfortable. If you are
planning on driving home in a small car, do not eat in Burger King. Equally,
if you are planning to buy clothes and eat at Burger King, buy the clothes
first. If you buy the clothes after a meal at Burger King, you will find
that when you put them on the next day, they will be several sizes too large,
due to severe width misjudgment on your part.
Children's meals are also available; Burger King has named their
infant menu 'Kid's Club' meals, which is pretty acceptable, although it may
encourage the children to go around bludgeoning people to death with heavy
wooden weapons, but far more patronising is McDonald's 'Happy Meals'. Surely
they should allow the meals to decide their own temperaments, although you
don't really want your kids eating meals which say things like "Life, don't
talk to me about life. I've got this throbbing pain in all the French Fries
down my left hand side..."
is made beforehand and then quickly reheated with a flamethrower when
ordered. The two places are pretty much the same except for the fact that in
McDonald's every meal's name has the prefix 'Mc' contained in it somewhere.
In either 'restaurant', in any soft drink you order, half the plastic cup
will be full of ice. McDonald's meals fill you up by placing the meat of
severely bloated cattle within their burgers, whereas Burger King meals are
more cattle friendly: instead of using the meat of distended cattle, they
give you severe trapped wind instead, which, while it is far kinder to
animals, is less kind to humans and is extremely uncomfortable. If you are
planning on driving home in a small car, do not eat in Burger King. Equally,
if you are planning to buy clothes and eat at Burger King, buy the clothes
first. If you buy the clothes after a meal at Burger King, you will find
that when you put them on the next day, they will be several sizes too large,
due to severe width misjudgment on your part.
Children's meals are also available; Burger King has named their
infant menu 'Kid's Club' meals, which is pretty acceptable, although it may
encourage the children to go around bludgeoning people to death with heavy
wooden weapons, but far more patronising is McDonald's 'Happy Meals'. Surely
they should allow the meals to decide their own temperaments, although you
don't really want your kids eating meals which say things like "Life, don't
talk to me about life. I've got this throbbing pain in all the French Fries
down my left hand side..."
