h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Fred Astaire - Dancer and Actor - A8435315
Author: Opticalillusion - media mynx life would be boring without hiccups - U231227

This is still very much a work in progress. I understand that the conclusion needs working on and links need titling and so forth. I just want to ask your opinion on whether people feel this source is reliable and to help me:

http://www.alsodances.net/biography/

I'll have a closer look when I get a minute and am not too tired. He's one of my favourite dancers/actors/singers, and I've watched a biography containing lots of interviews with him. That was quite a while ago, though, but mabye your entry will bring back some memories.

B'El

I've titled the links now, but I fear some of the sentences are too close for comfort to the original.

I've changed the sentences I was fearful over.

I'll have another look then, there were a few that looked a bit mangled, but I thought I'd better wait until you've made your chnages before pointing anything out.

The thing with writing is that you can always see how to make improvements. I've just redone the second section, for example.

I think the whole entry makes for a better read now.

There are numerous commas missing, and this sentence doesn't reallyx flow well:

Despite this Astaire was offered a contract by RKO's studio head David O'Selznick and Astaire and his wife Phyllis Livingston Potter (who had a son, Peter, from a previous marriage), whom he married in 1933 moved to Hollywood.

I suggest you break it up like this:

Despite this Astaire was offered a contract by RKO's studio head David O'Selznick. Astaire and his wife...., whom he had married in 1933, ...

for that. I've made the correction. Now off to track down those run away commas.

Well, well. I share a birthday with Fred Astaire. Me, Fred, and Sid Vicious

Ooh Happy Birthday to you for then Skankyrich I according to some sources share my birthday with Emma Bunton of Spice Girl fame.

Anyway, back to the entry I have read it through and have put in commas where I think they are needed. Is there anything else before I move this entry to Peer Review?