How To Find Your Perfect Mate

Introduction

According the theories of dynamical systems, a theory used to describe highly complicated phenomena ranging from the way the heart beats to variations in weather, the Universe is considerably more mathematically logical and less random than we naiively take for granted.

At the heart of this branch of science is the idea that complex processes are described by non-linear equations. These equations look simple, but produce highly complicated effects, the best known of which is chaos. Chaos means that even a tiny change in the system under study could have massive consequences.

The Bore-Bridge Egg Theory is an attempt to show that human relationships are based on a fundamentally simple mathematical model, and not the apparent random medley of trials and errors that we call ‘dating’.

First of all, for the sake of simplicity, it is assumed that humanity is heterosexual and monogamous. However, application of the theory to alternative styles may be possible with some adaptation.

Thus, in such a society, the basis of procreation is that each female member of the species will yield offspring via the mating process with a male member (as it were). Clearly with around 3 billion male members and 3 billion females, the prospect of a mating couple being 100% compatible is close to zero. Therefore, almost invariably, mating couples are someway less than 100% compatible; partners fall short of their respective partners’ ideals and relationships fail, often with dire consequences for offspring and in-doing causing unmeasured damage to society and its economy.

It is imagined that, in time, application of extensions to this basic theory will reduce the number of relationship failures and enable humanity to live altogether more fruitful lives.

Theory

Compatibility between partners is dependent upon the inter-relationships between both sets of characteristic qualities and personal attributes. In order to develop a first conceptual model of this theory, it is necessary to simplify each human-being into three simple qualities:

(1) Physical – beauty, stature, etc.

(2) Mental – intelligence, wit, charisma, etc.

(3) Historical – family, social, je ne sais quoi, etc.

It is considered that each human-being possesses these three qualities in varying proportions, such that for any member, the combination of characteristics is unique.

Let two sets of orthogonal axes be defined in 3-dimensional space, each of the two sets representing one of the sexes, male and female. Let the x-axis be historical, the y-axis be mental and the z-axis be physical. Thence, utilising these axes it is possible to plot any particular person using 3-D position vectors on the respective set of axes. Ultimately, the entire population for each sex can be plotted on the two sets of axes, which can be used to measure the compatibility between two given sexual partners.

Thence, in the same way that every person possesses an ‘absolute sexuality’ defined by the ubi supra 3-D position vector, so every person possesses an optimum achievable mate in any given direction on the axes. Axially, an achievable maximum can be defined for any given male on each of the three female axes and likewise an achievable maximum can be defined for any given female on each of the three male axes.

In each case these three points define the maximum axial points of a surface in 3-D space which then defines the optimum achievable mate in all directions. Given this surface (which is person specific remember), the given person can attract all members of the opposite sex who fall inside the surface, but members beyond the surface are unobtainable.

This surface is the Bore-Bridge Egg-Shell.

Further Considerations

For the same given person, a ‘yolk’ can be defined closer to the axial origin (0,0,0), and roughly concentric with the outer Egg-Shell. The volume enclosed between the skin of the yolk and the origin represents all the undesirable mates for that person, and is known as the 'Harvey B(holding pending permission) Yolk'.

Between the yolk and the shell lies the white. Herein are contained the most likely source of partners for the given subject.

Most importantly is the given subject’s Fawcett Point. This the point where the three-dimensional hypotenuse of the axial maxima intersects the Bore-Bridge Egg-Shell itself, and the most desirable yet obtainable partner lies closest to this point. For 100% compatibility both partners must be situated at each other’s Fawcett Points.

Subtle changes in character, appearance or life-style can alter the positions of all these surfaces and cause potential mates to ‘flirt’ with the egg-shell/out-of-bounds horizon.

Acknowledgements

This Theory was devised during a meeting of minds in a Claude Road Penthouse Apartment in Cardiff in 1988. Collaboarateurs (Names withheld pending permission) whilst watching a paboply of contemporary pop icons celebrating Nelson Mandela's 26th year in captivity rued a missed opportunity with a certain Melanie. The rest, as they say is history.