Nottingham: a brief guide
Created | Updated Oct 29, 2002
No-one can satifactorally express the sheer frothy lovelyness of Nottingham. Oh they cry, the bars! the shops! ,the muggers! ,the ease to get illegal herbage! the over use of exclamation marks! Mmmm they mumble as they tuck into something warm and damp at one of nottingham's many mcdonalds. Come to nottingham! enjoy! it's yours!
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Interesting tourest sites around the city... Forget the castle and the museums, Nottingham sports a wide variety of interesting tramps and other destitutes to laugh at and enjoy in a heartless manner.(tip, easy money can be made if you are very smelly, about 60 and own a xylophone.)If you love xylophone music played badly come and experience the smelly 60 year old playing a xylophone outside the 'broadmarsh' shopping centre, just down the bottom of the high street, He'll be there.
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Shopping...
Do you want tastful shops? shops found nowhere else? shops that have a history? Well shop somewhere else then as Nottingham speciallises in a wide variety of big brash stores found in every city in the world. Marks and Spencers(hooray!) HMV(huzaar) and the cheap skates favorite MVC(gasp) are here in abundance for shopping with no suprises ,a smoooth several stop shopping paradise for the unimaginative.
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Night Clubs...Include.
'the bomb' a perfect place for the social climber. where all the "hip young dudes" go. dress code - expensive, the only way to get respect is brand names and smart shoes. drinks - bottles only, for the price of a small african country. music - varies ,but quite cool, not likely to hear pop s***e like ricky martin, if thats your thang then off to palais with you!
summary - snobbish, but if you can afford it, then it's worth going to at least once. oh and it seems to be constructed out of lots of small rooms, rather than one uber big one
'the palais' ,the palais or meat market is best approached blind drunk. Avoid touching the floor as it seems to be coated in sweat. dress code - avoid the croos dressing students as they are only trying to get attension to make up for their lack of social skills. drinks - watered down lager and vile cocktails. music - gorgonzola.
'the cookie club' a personal favorite of mine on a thursday when they play sixties mod music, but probably best avoided the rest of the time as the drinks are s***e (but they are cheap!) and they have a tendancy to play eighties music the rest of the time.
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pubs
find 'templars bar' (opposite the university)about 4 in the afternoon for £1.20 fosters and donna air(spellt wrong) on MTV wha hey!
arboretum: oh it is so studenty. i think they still serve trebles for £2 which are proone, pron, prine, likely to make you the teeniest bit drink!
revolution: more of a bar than a pub, but serves very nice flavoured vodkas, ok, it serves very nice, very stealable shot glasses, none of your fruit juice glasses, only the funkiest, colectable glasses about. go steal some. now!
picher and piano: a huge bar inside an old church, where god goes on his nights off
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weather:
the weather report for today will be sunny in the morning then p**sing down as evening approaches.
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paving slabs:
paving slabs will be good to average for the time of year
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pidgeon kicking a cruel sport , which nottinham city council would like people to practise at every oppotunity. you will need 1: some sort of food stuff. 2: a pidgeon. 3: an evil temperment. the rules: sit on a bench/step/floor. with out getting up try and tempt the flying vermin over to yourself by throeing said food stuff to then in ever decreasing range. attempt to s**t the living s**t out of pidgeon (while still firmly seated.) astonishingly difficult to do as roland rats avian cousin seems to share that same sort of telepathy as blue a**ed flys have evolved.
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Interesting tourest sites around the city... Forget the castle and the museums, Nottingham sports a wide variety of interesting tramps and other destitutes to laugh at and enjoy in a heartless manner.(tip, easy money can be made if you are very smelly, about 60 and own a xylophone.)If you love xylophone music played badly come and experience the smelly 60 year old playing a xylophone outside the 'broadmarsh' shopping centre, just down the bottom of the high street, He'll be there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shopping...
Do you want tastful shops? shops found nowhere else? shops that have a history? Well shop somewhere else then as Nottingham speciallises in a wide variety of big brash stores found in every city in the world. Marks and Spencers(hooray!) HMV(huzaar) and the cheap skates favorite MVC(gasp) are here in abundance for shopping with no suprises ,a smoooth several stop shopping paradise for the unimaginative.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night Clubs...Include.
'the bomb' a perfect place for the social climber. where all the "hip young dudes" go. dress code - expensive, the only way to get respect is brand names and smart shoes. drinks - bottles only, for the price of a small african country. music - varies ,but quite cool, not likely to hear pop s***e like ricky martin, if thats your thang then off to palais with you!
summary - snobbish, but if you can afford it, then it's worth going to at least once. oh and it seems to be constructed out of lots of small rooms, rather than one uber big one
'the palais' ,the palais or meat market is best approached blind drunk. Avoid touching the floor as it seems to be coated in sweat. dress code - avoid the croos dressing students as they are only trying to get attension to make up for their lack of social skills. drinks - watered down lager and vile cocktails. music - gorgonzola.
'the cookie club' a personal favorite of mine on a thursday when they play sixties mod music, but probably best avoided the rest of the time as the drinks are s***e (but they are cheap!) and they have a tendancy to play eighties music the rest of the time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
pubs
find 'templars bar' (opposite the university)about 4 in the afternoon for £1.20 fosters and donna air(spellt wrong) on MTV wha hey!
arboretum: oh it is so studenty. i think they still serve trebles for £2 which are proone, pron, prine, likely to make you the teeniest bit drink!
revolution: more of a bar than a pub, but serves very nice flavoured vodkas, ok, it serves very nice, very stealable shot glasses, none of your fruit juice glasses, only the funkiest, colectable glasses about. go steal some. now!
picher and piano: a huge bar inside an old church, where god goes on his nights off
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
weather:
the weather report for today will be sunny in the morning then p**sing down as evening approaches.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
paving slabs:
paving slabs will be good to average for the time of year
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
pidgeon kicking a cruel sport , which nottinham city council would like people to practise at every oppotunity. you will need 1: some sort of food stuff. 2: a pidgeon. 3: an evil temperment. the rules: sit on a bench/step/floor. with out getting up try and tempt the flying vermin over to yourself by throeing said food stuff to then in ever decreasing range. attempt to s**t the living s**t out of pidgeon (while still firmly seated.) astonishingly difficult to do as roland rats avian cousin seems to share that same sort of telepathy as blue a**ed flys have evolved.
