Are you worried or embarrassed because you lack a striking and heartfelt political opinion? Do you gaze longingly at the Forumites, wishing you could be in their gang? Well worry no more, for the solution to your social woes and sleepless nights is at hand! With the Handy Political Opinion Generator (based on the 'generic RPG plot generator' in an old PC Gamer review), you too can have an exciting and controversial political opinion with which to astound your friends in topical debate. And it's absolutely free!

Offers a range of views from across the political spectrum, with a large number of possible combinations to minimise the chances of a distinctive personal opinion's having to be shared.

If you end up thinking, for example, that foreigners are helping to oppress foreigners, ; they may not be the same foreigners, and even if they are, that will just make your opinion even more striking and controversial.

The basic rules can be supplemented with custom rules to cover every political occasion, as was done for the Generator's first outing at the 2005 General Election.

For full authenticity employ a D&D-esque set of variously-sided dice; the dieless political thinkers among you can try the random number generator here.

   'It's a bit odd' — Godben

   '
Hmmmm.... not quite my real politics. I'd rather the badgers were in charge.' — Ancrene

   'N I G H T H O O V E R' — Clive the flying ostrich

This is your opinion:

The [A] in Britain¹ is/are being trodden under the feet of the evil puppet master [B], who by means of [C] has seized power from behing the scenes with the aid of [D] and his/her/its/their band of [E]. As the grip of [B] on [F] tightens, and the burden of [G] grows, the time has come to overthrow [B], bring about [H], prevent [H] and install [I] as our benevolent ruler.

A - roll 1d8

1) hard-working families

2) Proletariat

3) pure-blooded indigenous people

4) foreigners

5) taxpayers

6) students

7) pensioners

8) badgers

B - roll 1d6 once, to apply wherever B appears in the opinion

1) George W. Bush

2) Margret Thatcher

3) Rupert Murdoch

4) Bill Gates

5) Sauron

6) Emperor Gestahl

C - roll 1d10

1) Realpolitik

2) violent video games

3) propaganda and spin

4) elections

5) rigged elections

6) a military takeover

7) religion

8) voodoo

9) hypnotism

10) flirtation

D - roll 1d20

1) the Establishment

2) the Neo-Cons

3) the Majestic Twelve

4) the Skull and Bones Club

5) Auguste Comte

6) Milton Friedman

7) Bernie Ecclesone

8) John Rawls

9) Robert Nozick

10) John Gray

11) Francis Fukuyama

12) Noam Chomsky

13) Niccolo Machiavelli

14) the gutter press

15) the House of Windsor

16) God

17) Satan

18) the United Nations

19) Saruman

20) Iznogoud

E - roll 1d20

1) voters

2) journalists

3) foreigners

4) mandarins

5) lobbyists

6) priests

7) terrorists

8) Public Sector workers

9) Private Sector workers

10) capitalists

11) Bleeding Heart Liberals

12) peaceniks

13) NIMBYs

14) Scotsmen

15) Welshmen

16) Stupid White Men

17) zombies

18) orcs

19) Vogons

20) Little Englanders

F - roll 1d8

1) the United Kingdom

2) the Earth

3) Middle Earth

4) Middle England

5) Westminster

6) Washington

7) Islington

8) Mornington Crescent

G - roll 1d10

1) taxes

2) political news coverage

3) the licence fee

4) poverty

5) inequality

6) democracy

7) civilisation

8) government interference

9) free market economics

10) work

H - roll 1d20 twice, once for each appearance of H in the opinion

1) the election

2) the Revolution

3) the Second Coming

4) a change of government

5) a return to traditional moral values

6) a permissive society

7) peace and love

8) a return to the state of nature

9) happiness

10) a global empire

11) rational and enlightened government

12) a new Dark Age

13) the continuation of the status quo

14) the rule of Philosopher-Kings

15) direct democracy

16) a theocracy

17) social justice

18) war

19) the abolition of poetry

20) the End of the World

I - roll 1d20

1) Michael Moore

2) a new Prime Minister

3) the current Prime Minister

4) a (wo)man of the people

5) everyone

6) a visionary

7) a celebrity

8) a mediocrity

9) Marvin

10) a deep and profound thinker

11) a pornographer

12) a safe pair of hands

13) a person with a safe pair of hands

14) a

15) Jimster

16) nobody

17) someone photogenic

18) a mystic

19) a puritan

20) Lord Ilpalazzo