Sneaking Around the House...
Created | Updated Aug 19, 2002
When one sleeps very little, one must learn one's ability to sneak around one's house without waking one's family. And not to use so many 'ones'.
Sneaking around your house is an art, not to be taken lightly. Elmer Fudd had it all wrong. You can't tip toe around stupidly, whispering about hunting wabbits and practically kneeing yourself in the chin lifting your legs so high.
The trick is body weight equillibrium. Evenly distribute your body weight on your feet for optimum sneaking enjoyment. Tippy-toeing applies too much pressure to one specific area and increases the threat of floor creaking.
Know the danger areas as well. Stairs that creak, floor spots that groan, dog tails connected to dog bodies connected to dog heads that yelp loudly. Be quick in the refridgerator. Light floods, and can wake even the most unconscious of sleepers.
And above all, KNOW YOUR FATHER'S SNORES. The low, long snore says "Hey! You're safe! I'm asleep." The short, stacatto, spurt snore says "Uh oh, I'm waking up, Hurry up and get done!" The low, "Katie..." or whatever name you choose to posess says, "I'm awake! You're in deep poo now!" No snoring means your father does not snore or is dead.
And just because you've grabbed the 12 pack of Mountain Dew, an 18 lb. watermelon, and a small cow to midnight-munch-on, doesn't mean you should let your guard down! Use the essential body weight equillibrium all the way back to your room. Remember you'll be heavier now carrying the load.
Finally, enjoy your success! Chances are your mother heard you anyway and you'll get a good ten lashes in the morning!
