This was sent in an e-mail several weeks ago. Thanks to Colin Lovelock:

Tips on how to avoid making common mistakes if you are an evil overlord:

1. My legion will where helmets with clear visors, not face concealing ones.

2. The ventillation ducts in my headquaters will be too small to crawl through.

3. After ursurping any throne the previous ruler will be killed. Especially important if he is my twin.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. Artifacts which are the source of my power will not be reachable after a long and dangerous quest. They will be kept in a safe deposit box.

6. I will not gloat before killing my enemies.

7. I will tell my enemies nothing before killing them.

8. After capturing a beautiful princess, we will be married immediately with a quiet civil ceremony, not spectacularly in three weeks time so allowing a rescue attempt to be made.

9. I will not include a self destruct button unless absolutely necesary. If it is necessary it will not be labelled as such and will be set to kill anyone who touches it. The same for any on/off switches.

10. I will not interrogate enemies in my inner sanctum. A small hotel miles away will do just as well.

11. 1 will be secure in my superiority. So will not need to prove it by leaving clues to my weaknesses or leaving weaker enemies alive.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five year old child. Any flaws in plans he is able to spot will be corrected before implimentation.

13. Slain enemies will be cremated not left for dead. Announcements of death will wait until after cremation.

14. An enemy is not entitled to a last request.

15. I will not use any device employing a digital countdown. If this is unavoidable set the machine to activate when the counter reaches 117.

16. Never utter the sentence "Before I kill you there is something I want you to know.".

17. If I employ advisors I will listen to them.

18. I will not have a son. Whilst his attempt to ursurp me will fail, it may cause a distraction at a critical moment.

19. I will not have a daughter. Whilst she will be as evil as me, she will eventually fall for one of my enemies and turn again her own father.

20. Despite it proven stress-relieving effects. I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When doing so it is too easy to miss unexpected developments.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create uniforms for my legion, not cheap knock-offs that make them look like nazi-stormtroopers. They were eventually defeated and I want to encourage a positive mind set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low tech weapons and train my men in their use. That way when my power generator is neutralised my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths although it takes some of the fun out of the job. Never will I utter "This cannot be I am invinsible!" (after which death is a certainty).

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct a device which is indestructable except for at one small almost inaccessable spot.

26. No matter how attractive an enemy might be, there are probably equally attractive women out there who do not want me dead. I will therefore think twice before ordering a prisoner to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have backups and extra power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two loaded weapons.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage into which I cannot accidently stumble.

29. I will dress in bright cheery colours, so confusing my enemies.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards and cowardly thieves will be preemptively put to death. Enemies will usually give up their quests without some form of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches will be replaced with surly, world weary women who will provide no unexpected reinforcement or romantic subplot for my enemies.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill the messenger who brings bad news just to prove how evil I am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I will not require high-ranking female members of my organisation to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code, plus it is less distracting. Similarly black leather outfits will be reserved for formal occassions.

34. I will not turn into a snake, it never helps.

35. I will never grow a goatee. In olden days it may have made me look diabolical. Now you look like a disaffected member of generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. I will keep the keys on my person rather than giving them to every guard in the place.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my legions are losing a battle I will believe him.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere they will be immediately found and killed.

39. If I must ride out into battle it will not be at the forefront of my legions. Nor will I seek out my opposite number amongst his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous or sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and often as possible, not keep it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time travel devices.

42. When I capture an enemy I will make sure I also get his monkey, dog or whatever other sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying him or fetching keys happens to be following him.

43. I will retain a healthy air of skepticism when a beautiful rebel captive claims she is attracted to me and will gladly betray the rebels if I let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who do so for the pleasure of the hunt have an annoying tendancy to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make it clear who is responsible for what in my organisation. So if a General fails me he dies, not some random underling.

46. If an advisor says "My liege he is but one man, what can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will kill him whilst he is a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any creature I control through magic or technology with kindness and affection. That way if my control is ever broken, it will not come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact that can destroy me. I will not send all my troops to seize it. Instead I will send my troops to seize something else and quietly put a "Want-Ad" in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system completely incompatible with all other systems.

So now you know what to do, this educational programme was brought to you by me and I accept no responsibility for its accuracy or usefulness.