Haikus wot I have wrote
Created | Updated Nov 4, 2004
My haikus. Small things, but mine own. Collected here for no reason whatever. Topics supplied by others, seventeen syllables supplied by me, except the second one. I'm happy with half a dozen of them.
These can all be found dotted through the haiku challenge! thread, and some are from the confusingly-similarly-named haiku challenge!!! thread.
Topic: Radio
The shipping forecast,
Charlotte Green: "North Utsire..."
Voice like satin sheets*
Topic:Haikus
Expressing yourself
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic*
Topic: Someone called George
The Greatest Player
Manchester United's Star
You'll live forever*
Topic: staying awake during exams
Stale sunlight through glass
Invigilator's dull tones
Insomnia - cured!*
Topic: double entendres
Woman enters bar,
Asks for double entendre.
Barman gives her one.*
Topic: bluegrass music
Lester Flatt/Earl Scruggs'
"Beverley Hillbillies" theme
Is all that I know*
Topic: sugar
A fine white powder
Which gives pleasure to many
What could be sweeter?*
Topic: Rabbits
Australian scourge,
Myxamatosis got them.
The floppy-eared gits.*
Topic: Fresh milk
The disturbing thing
About *fresh* milk is that it
Comes out of a cow!*
Topic: Waltzing crabs
In order to catch
Crabs while waltzing, you must both
Have danced *very* close!*
Topic: What to do when you drop an egg on the floor
If you drop an egg
Best to carry on juggling
With the other three.*
Topic: domesticated turkeys
Futility of
Looking forward to Christmas
Sadly lost on them.*
Topic: showers
I always enjoy
refreshing showers, as long
as they're not golden...*
Topic: waiting for the movie to begin
The people in front
Talked through every damn trailer
I hope they shut up*
Topic: Take no prisoners
Steal all TV shows
Except Patrick McGoohan's
Take no Prisoners.*
Topic: Canoeing
English lager? Like
Making love in a canoe:
F*****g near water.*
Topic: Sun, sea, surf
Beautiful white light,
Boundless curving blue water,
Calming smooth white noise.*
Topic: afterglow (Topic suggested by "Fräulein Grafenberg")
There's a look she gets
After I've found the spot named
After Grafenberg.*
Topic: used motor oil
Pick it out at night
Whatever size your engine
The oil's always black1
Topic: Those hard to open bottles of medication
When opening these
The only good solution
Is to ask a child*
Topic: Mad Scientists
Specifications:
Wild hair, wacky lab, and a
servant named Igor*
Topic: beef
Can someone explain
This sign on the back of a
Truck: "Whale oil beef hooked"?*
Topic: Wobble Board
Tie me kangaroo
down sport, tie me kangaroo
down {wobble wobble}*
Topic: guitars
I always wanted
A Fender Stratocaster
Shame I can't play one.*
Topic: The first date
You'll say anything
And do almost anything
Except be yourself*
Topic: Elephant Ballerina
They were hippos, not
Elephant ballerinas
In "Fantasia".*
Topic: research
Copying one thing
Is plagiarism.
Ten things? That's research.*
Topic: deep sleep
No chance of waking
The darkness is a caress
Of complete silence*
Topic: I saw it on TV
It looked unreal
Just "a bad special effect"
But it was just "bad".2
Topic: the human heart
The seat of passion?
Origin of emotion?
A pump made of meat.*
Topic: superheroes
They wear justice like
a cloak, and their underpants
outside their trousers*
Topic: eating biscuits
Dunk it in your tea
Without exquisite control
The wet half falls back*
Topic: chunky watches
Like a red sports car
A chunky watch is a sign
Of a small... (insert)*
Topic: Meringues
Whipped up albumen
A bowl of silky white peaks
To lay on lemons.*
Topic: sticking one's finger down one's throat
Lacking gag reflex
Makes this action redundant
Good for b**w j**s though.3
Topic: Looping the loop
Achieve altitude
Push, wait, then pull, keep pulling
Gravity's rainbow*
Topic: asphalt jungle
I'm mixing concrete
The sound of drum and basement
And the crowd say "Bo!"*
Topic: Moe's Tavern
The telephone rings:
"Moes?" "Is Freely there?
Initials I. P.?" *
Topic: A guide to who Kylie Minogue is for Americans
Australian star
Of daytime soap opera
Now a pop "singer" *
Topic: soiled pants
Brown trousers reduce
Embarrassment for Chinese
Who've "Xi-tin da pan-su"4
Topic: chocolate and its therapeutic useage
Every bar contains
Not one but two addictive
Stimulants. Buy some!*
Topic: How the west was won and where it got us
With a revolver
And a steely glare. We got:
Ronald McDonald*
Topic: Painful dental surgery in an airplane toilet
Suez, a mile up
"What are you doing?" through tools
Answer: "Route: Canal" *
Topic: The last turkey in the market has been
sold, and you need to feed 20 people on Thursday!
Since it is Tuesday
I have a whole extra day
In which to panic.*
Topic: bruising ones pride.
If you own lions
You'd better not bruise any
Let alone the lot.*
Topic: new shoes
At first they look good
But the leather rubs my skin
It's the cow's revenge.*
Topic: subtle flirtation
The fluttered eyelash
Is a great deal more subtle
Than "Fancy a f**k?" *
Topic: talking to someone who's just posted to the thread having just read the first page and missed over two thousand other postings...
I would like to bring
To your attention a small
thing, called THE BACKLOG! *
Topic: paper cuts
Paper cuts, and deals
Glue sticks. Pen draws two. Stapler...
Bets ALL! Paper... folds.*
Topic: the Red Baron
Re: von Richthoffen
Biggles - here are your orders:
Shoot that Fokker down!*
Topic: stone cold coffee
Favourite drink of
WWF's*
Stone Cold Steve Austin
(does this get a prize for the shortest ever seven syllable middle line? Answer - apparently not...)
Topic: concrete
Perpetrate a scam
On the seat of Minoan
Civilisation*
Topic: vacation
The word "holiday"
Has religious overtones;
"Vacation"'s better.*
Topic: why the cursor flashes
It's there, and it's not
It is indeterminate
Schrödinger's cursor*
Topic: Santa
Devil worshipper,
But a dyslexic: he sold
His soul to Santa*
Topic: Long bows
Vikings had longships
With long masts, long oars, long sterns,
And, I guess... long bows.*
Topic: Marathon running
Marathon running
Is no longer possible
They're called "Snickers" now*
Topic: delusional
"Mr. Usional -
Or can I call you Derek?"
"Nah. Just call me Del."*
Topic: salad dressing
First aid for graze(r)s
Lettuce leaves applied to cuts
In ranks, like soldiers*
Topic: beach vacations
Baking on silicon
I ponder a paperback
And get skin cancer*
"Pick it out at night
Whatever colour your clothes,
The fluff's always blue."2Trite, but the best I could do on September 17th, it seemed.3This one was moderated for a while!4This gag supplied by someone who knows Chinese
