The Art of Trolley Racing
Created | Updated Jan 7, 2003
Inside the pages of "The Big Book of Car Park Athletics", as written and edited by memebers of the R.C.P.A.A (Reintroduction of Car Park Athletics Association), states that Trolley Racing is "one of the most exciting, most enjoyable, most rewarding, and most dangerous of all Car Park Athletics". Therefore, andyone who would wish to take up this most rewarding of sports would be advised to read these instructions carefully before attempting it.
What you will need
a) A trolley (usually with at least one dodgey wheel)
b) A long road/stretch of tarmac, with no pedestrians or dogs in sight
c) Three team mates:
An "Idiot" - a willing volunteer, with no regard for personal safety to "steer"
A "Handler" - another willing volunteer to push said trolley up and down the tarmac
A "Supporter" to help the casualties to safety and take their place if need be.
d) Some sort of course, usually with obstacles (often in the form of bollards, and/or old women)
The Rules
Find a trolley. (Likely places to do this: car parks, in streams, dumps, abandoned on roadsides)
Select two teams. (These will each have an Idiot, a Handler and a Supporter.)
Set up an obstacle course on your chosen stretch of tarmac (first checking that there is no one around to catch you, or for you to hit.)
First team to make it to the end of the obstacle course wins.
What Not To Do
Handlers:
1) Never let go of the trolley when at the top of a hill "just because it would be funny" to see your team mate plunge to a sticky end.
2) Try not to launch your Idiot into a tree or bush. It's not pretty.
3) Never try to roll over the toes of your opponents. Such a move would mean you forfeit the game.
4) Never attempt to get your trolley down a slide in a children's play area (especially when sufficiently inebriated).
Idiots:
1) Don't have too much faith in your Handler. If they let go of your trolley, it WILL hurt! (Be aware that they will try all of the things in the above list.)
2) Don't strap yourself in. You need to be ready to jump out before you hit the tree.
Members of Car Park Athletics Teams should have dedication, determination, loyalty, and the highest thresh-holds for pain. Kids: don't try this at home!
For futher details about the R.C.P.A. see A776685!
What you will need
a) A trolley (usually with at least one dodgey wheel)
b) A long road/stretch of tarmac, with no pedestrians or dogs in sight
c) Three team mates:
An "Idiot" - a willing volunteer, with no regard for personal safety to "steer"
A "Handler" - another willing volunteer to push said trolley up and down the tarmac
A "Supporter" to help the casualties to safety and take their place if need be.
d) Some sort of course, usually with obstacles (often in the form of bollards, and/or old women)
The Rules
Find a trolley. (Likely places to do this: car parks, in streams, dumps, abandoned on roadsides)
Select two teams. (These will each have an Idiot, a Handler and a Supporter.)
Set up an obstacle course on your chosen stretch of tarmac (first checking that there is no one around to catch you, or for you to hit.)
First team to make it to the end of the obstacle course wins.
What Not To Do
Handlers:
1) Never let go of the trolley when at the top of a hill "just because it would be funny" to see your team mate plunge to a sticky end.
2) Try not to launch your Idiot into a tree or bush. It's not pretty.
3) Never try to roll over the toes of your opponents. Such a move would mean you forfeit the game.
4) Never attempt to get your trolley down a slide in a children's play area (especially when sufficiently inebriated).
Idiots:
1) Don't have too much faith in your Handler. If they let go of your trolley, it WILL hurt! (Be aware that they will try all of the things in the above list.)
2) Don't strap yourself in. You need to be ready to jump out before you hit the tree.
Members of Car Park Athletics Teams should have dedication, determination, loyalty, and the highest thresh-holds for pain. Kids: don't try this at home!
For futher details about the R.C.P.A. see A776685!
