The Perfect Pot Noodle: How to turn a Snack into a Meal
Created | Updated Jul 16, 2003
For your eating pleasure, presented here are simple instructions to garner the most enjoyment out of your Pot Noodle snack - the food of Kings, students and idle slackers (such as me) alike - and, if money is tight, how to get that 'big-meal-feeling-of-fatness' out of one, lowly pot.
However, this guide is not all-encompassing: this is only for the connossieur of the green Pot Noodle (chicken and mushroom).
The following equipment is mandatory:
1. The Snack of the Gods itself;
2. The relevant fork (you should have a single fork set aside for these special moments);
3. A small plate;
4. Three pieces of soft, malleable white bread - no crumbly toasty loaves here please;
5. A kettle and water;
6. A bottle of REAL dark soy sauce;
7. A knob of butter...perhaps 'chunk' is a better measure;
8. A comfy chair;
9. A beverage of some sort, preferably cold;
10. Several fingers.
Step 1 - Foreplay
Remove the foil lid from your snack. In a single deft move, extricate the sachet of soy sauce, suck all the powder off of it (carefully - the edges can be pointy) and place in the nearest bin. Then, take your bottle of REAL soy sauce (it must be dark - light is too salty) and apply liberally. A half-bottle can never be considered too much, but should be though of as 'an occasional treat'. Then, using item [2] above, place your chunk of butter atop the dry mixture. Trust me, this tastes better than it initially sounds.
Step 2 - Hubble, Bubble, Kettle Trouble
Boil the kettle, pacing about impatiently whilst waiting for it to be ready. Especially if your kettle takes forever, as does mine.
Step 3 - Chemistry In Action
Add the now boiling water to the pot. Make sure you pour slowly over the butter so that yo can watch it suffuse into the noodly mass below. You should be salivating about now. Quite a lot, actually. DO NOT FILL TO THE FILL LEVEL AS PROVIDED ON THE POT! This is vital. Fill to the top of the noodles, and only just a smidge over, otherwise you may end up with a soupy broth, which is pants. When pouring is finished, grab the fork (item [2]) and dig deep into the mass of food. Smush around so that everything gets saturated, especially the stuff at the bottom, which, if not smushed, will remain powdery and nasty throughout your snacking.
Step 4 - Leave It!
Resist temptaion for a good five minutes. Stir, then leave again for a good five minutes. If you are impatient, amuse yourself with the sound the noodles make when you stir them.
Step 5 - Not There Yet...
Now, retire to your comfy chair with the snack, the drink, the bread and something good on TV. This is the tricky bit, but it should make your Pot Noodle last up to three times longer that usual, and leave you feeling fuller and happier than ever before. Take a piece of bread, and squish it into a ball, as tightly as possible. Apply this yeasty bolus to the fork, and when ready, plunge it into the Pot Noodle. Rummage around heartily, and make sure that when the bread is surfaced, it has a goodly collection of noodles and assorted ingredients on it.
Step 6 - Can't Talk, Eating
That's it. You have now eaten what many consider to be the perfect Pot Noodle. You will also have learned that real dark soy sauce is marvellous, and can be a practical alternative to any other form of sauce in any meal. Apply liberally wherever you go! You will also have learned that the 'Fill Level' is never to be trusted, and that butter helps 'stodge out' the snack in a marvellous, artery-hardening way.
Enjoy!
However, this guide is not all-encompassing: this is only for the connossieur of the green Pot Noodle (chicken and mushroom).
The following equipment is mandatory:
1. The Snack of the Gods itself;
2. The relevant fork (you should have a single fork set aside for these special moments);
3. A small plate;
4. Three pieces of soft, malleable white bread - no crumbly toasty loaves here please;
5. A kettle and water;
6. A bottle of REAL dark soy sauce;
7. A knob of butter...perhaps 'chunk' is a better measure;
8. A comfy chair;
9. A beverage of some sort, preferably cold;
10. Several fingers.
Step 1 - Foreplay
Remove the foil lid from your snack. In a single deft move, extricate the sachet of soy sauce, suck all the powder off of it (carefully - the edges can be pointy) and place in the nearest bin. Then, take your bottle of REAL soy sauce (it must be dark - light is too salty) and apply liberally. A half-bottle can never be considered too much, but should be though of as 'an occasional treat'. Then, using item [2] above, place your chunk of butter atop the dry mixture. Trust me, this tastes better than it initially sounds.
Step 2 - Hubble, Bubble, Kettle Trouble
Boil the kettle, pacing about impatiently whilst waiting for it to be ready. Especially if your kettle takes forever, as does mine.
Step 3 - Chemistry In Action
Add the now boiling water to the pot. Make sure you pour slowly over the butter so that yo can watch it suffuse into the noodly mass below. You should be salivating about now. Quite a lot, actually. DO NOT FILL TO THE FILL LEVEL AS PROVIDED ON THE POT! This is vital. Fill to the top of the noodles, and only just a smidge over, otherwise you may end up with a soupy broth, which is pants. When pouring is finished, grab the fork (item [2]) and dig deep into the mass of food. Smush around so that everything gets saturated, especially the stuff at the bottom, which, if not smushed, will remain powdery and nasty throughout your snacking.
Step 4 - Leave It!
Resist temptaion for a good five minutes. Stir, then leave again for a good five minutes. If you are impatient, amuse yourself with the sound the noodles make when you stir them.
Step 5 - Not There Yet...
Now, retire to your comfy chair with the snack, the drink, the bread and something good on TV. This is the tricky bit, but it should make your Pot Noodle last up to three times longer that usual, and leave you feeling fuller and happier than ever before. Take a piece of bread, and squish it into a ball, as tightly as possible. Apply this yeasty bolus to the fork, and when ready, plunge it into the Pot Noodle. Rummage around heartily, and make sure that when the bread is surfaced, it has a goodly collection of noodles and assorted ingredients on it.
Step 6 - Can't Talk, Eating
That's it. You have now eaten what many consider to be the perfect Pot Noodle. You will also have learned that real dark soy sauce is marvellous, and can be a practical alternative to any other form of sauce in any meal. Apply liberally wherever you go! You will also have learned that the 'Fill Level' is never to be trusted, and that butter helps 'stodge out' the snack in a marvellous, artery-hardening way.
Enjoy!
