The car is getting serviced today and tomorrow, so I have to set out on foot. At first I'm annoyed, but then I remember a quote from Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance about car windows being "just so much TV," and I self-righteously stalk into town, safe in the knowledge that this is the proper way to see the "true" Albany.

I spent five years of high-school in this town, er... city, and strangely one of my clearest memories is of sitting on some concrete steps looking at a small piece of graffitti that read; "Albany: is death the only escape?" With this in mind, I pass the Albany Senior High School and walk down into the (supremely juxta-positioned) old grave yard. Is this an appropriate place to talk about the history of this port-town turned tourist filled city?

The History of Albany

Albany is well known for its extra-ordinary amount of inherent "boring-ness." This is probably on account of the first "explorers" (read, invaders) who killed anything of interest when they first arrived. They literally said, "Wow, a black swan! I've never seen one of those before! Shoot it! Shoot it!"¹ Hence, "Seal Island" is Seal Island because George Vancouver and friends slaughtered a whole bunch of seals there. They also planted some foreign seeds which, thankfully, died.

It went downhill from there. The port of Albany has had many visitors, from royalty to Henry Lawson (who said something unmemorable about how Albany will never change much) ² to Mark Twain (who preferred to stay on the ship). One sailor sums up the feelings of early visitors to Albany nicely: --

Other things that happened; people went to wars, women married Americans, a whaling station opened. The whaling station closed, and reopened as a tourist attraction. Other notable events include the arrival of McDonalds, the radio station Triple J, and a bit of a university where you can attend for first year, but then you have to go to Perth like everybody else.

The Scenery is Beautiful, Pity About the Weather

The beaches in Albany are actually quite remarkable, as are most of the beaches in Western Australia. Middleton Beach is the central beach, a long stretch of white sand with a boardwalk coming off it that goes up Mount Clarence. Straying from the Mount Clarence path, Katt ³ and I clamber down the rocks past a few fishers down to Seal Rock. Surprisingly, Seal Rock is not named so because Albany locals decided that an animal living in water was surely enough to warrent its killing, but because a lone seal always sits on this rock. The other seals swim near the rocks, but this one seal is invariably on the rock, out of the water.


Katt: "If this was a Disney movie, the seal would be singing."

Me: "The lonely singing seal would be the outcast, 'cos the other seals won't let him play with them."

Katt: "And the sea would be shining, and the sun bright."

Me: "That's true. Can't have a seal actually enjoying cold water."

A drive out past the prison will take you to the Western Power Wind Farm, huge windmills taking advantage of that Albany wind that I'm sure comes straight from the Antarctic. This really is a must-see, not because of the man-made structures (however impressive they may be) but because of the spectactular costal scenery out there.

Back Into Town - the Yorkie

Every town in Australia has a name for the action of driving up and down the main street. In Albany's case, it's called "chucking a Yorkie." The main street is called York Street. ⁴

When I was a local, it was interesting to note tourists. They stuck out because, quite simply, they dress like they're from a city. I find myself possessing this nobbish superiority because I hope to be dressing in the same manner. "Hey everyone!" My inner voice squeals, "I'm not like you any more!" And to prove I'm not a local, I take out my camera and photograph the town hall.

Unboubtably the most popular cafe in Albany is Dylans. There's some old advertising and historical photographs on the walls, but its popularity owes mostly to the fact that the door closes, and it is warm inside. In such a cold town, the number of out-door street cafes is startling. I sit and have a coffee for old time's sake. After a while I feel a little pathetic sitting by myself, so I take out a book and try to act nonchalant⁵.

Dog Rock

One of the burning issues of Albany. About 15 metres high stands a rock that looks like a dog's head. The hotel across the road is named after it, as is the shopping centre containing Woolworths that resides next to it. My personal opinion is that it is a fugly looking rock, made even worse by the painted collar around its base. The concensus seems to be that the locals hate it. But here's the thing: tourists love it, and take photographs of it all the time. Hardly a day goes by without some tourist snapping this ooglie ⁶ rock, and in fact as I sit on the sidewalk writing this, a couple is taking a photo of it now.

Bookshops

To end on a positive note, there a few good bookshops in Albany. The library isn't too bad either. "Books 'n' Things" is a bloody good second hand bookshop. I've never seen any "things" in it, and the range isn't fantastic, but the prices, well, they rock.