My Life So Far
Created | Updated Nov 2, 2010
As long as I can remember, I have always felt wrong. I cant explain the distress I have had during my life, or the pain that puberty brought me.
My Early Life
I was born in St Helier Hospital in Carshalton, Surrey on the fifteenth of September 1979, and designated a gender of which has haunted me for most of my life. I grew up on the rough Phipps Bridge Estate in Mitcham (Just a few miles from carshalton). My mother has always been loving to me no matter what I have done or behaved, and I owe her everything for the way she brought me up. As a single mother (My Father threatened suicide if i was not aborted), she has had to make so many sacrifices in her life. She only had one boyfriend when I was growing up (My sisters father), but again she was let down by him.
My earliest memory is as a four year old and dressing up (just as daughters do), and asking my mum for a barbie doll. My sister was born when I was six, so finally got my Barbie by stealing it from my sister.
School was also difficult, other pupils also sensed my weakness. I was bullied, and had my leg broken at 7. Also I was unhappy with being the schoolboy, that I never thought I was. As the years went by, and my tourture increased I started having crushes on boys. The attractions were never acted on for obvious reasons (and I am not naming names), but they may know who they are.
I was excluded from school at 14, for a number of reasons (using the girls toilets, the bullying I suffered being hard to control, and entering the school during breaks to escape). I still wish I could of come out as transgendered there and then.
Early Adulthood
I used to go out in bra snd panties, and sometimes tights (Pantyhoes) under my trousers. I did it just to feel more comfortable i myself, and to experiment with dressing in public. I had to stop doing this when I started work, because the male staff were very immature and liked pulling peoples trousers down.
My late teens were terribly hard, making excuses about not chatting up girls and drinking traditional masculine drinks (which tasted horrible. I during the course of my late teens, early twenties became a heavy binge drinker.
I first tried to transition in 2003, but chickened out and had housing issues at this time. I also got a job I kept for 2 years, but my boss Phil was very homophobic (When a gay person was in the shop he muttered should not be allowed). So I could not transition there.
Coming to terms with who I am
When I left there in 2006 I was unemployed for just over a year, until I had a bit of luck. British Telecommunications were looking for staff, and I had an interview that would change my life. I spent the first four months there working as a man, and then in August 2007 I started my transition. I changed my name by deed, and for the first time in my life I was happy.
My transition
For the first year, I suffered some abuse (worst case was when I was followed to work by someone shouting "Why are you wearing a dress" repeatedly). As my transition went by, it became easier. Until the worst day of my life, which almost made me give up my transition.
On October 26th 2008, I was sexually assaulted in a subway, This happened near where I lived (Which made it worse), but luckily I had to sign on during that week. This enabled me to face the world.
Since then there has been very few occasions where I have suffered abuse, and its been the best time of my life. I still go into depression on ocaasion, but thats due to my non existant love life. I am very happy with the choices I have made, and with the way locals have treated me.
I am currently awaiting surgery, and have to lose weight. My diet is going well. The first nutritional appointment I lost 6 kilos, thats about a stone. I should be ready for surgery this time next year, so wish me luck
I am grateful to my online friends, who I hold dear. They have been the best friends anyone can have, and my future looks as good as I could of planned it. There is only one question I should ask myself.
Why did I not transition sooner.
My Early Life
I was born in St Helier Hospital in Carshalton, Surrey on the fifteenth of September 1979, and designated a gender of which has haunted me for most of my life. I grew up on the rough Phipps Bridge Estate in Mitcham (Just a few miles from carshalton). My mother has always been loving to me no matter what I have done or behaved, and I owe her everything for the way she brought me up. As a single mother (My Father threatened suicide if i was not aborted), she has had to make so many sacrifices in her life. She only had one boyfriend when I was growing up (My sisters father), but again she was let down by him.
My earliest memory is as a four year old and dressing up (just as daughters do), and asking my mum for a barbie doll. My sister was born when I was six, so finally got my Barbie by stealing it from my sister.
School was also difficult, other pupils also sensed my weakness. I was bullied, and had my leg broken at 7. Also I was unhappy with being the schoolboy, that I never thought I was. As the years went by, and my tourture increased I started having crushes on boys. The attractions were never acted on for obvious reasons (and I am not naming names), but they may know who they are.
I was excluded from school at 14, for a number of reasons (using the girls toilets, the bullying I suffered being hard to control, and entering the school during breaks to escape). I still wish I could of come out as transgendered there and then.
Early Adulthood
I used to go out in bra snd panties, and sometimes tights (Pantyhoes) under my trousers. I did it just to feel more comfortable i myself, and to experiment with dressing in public. I had to stop doing this when I started work, because the male staff were very immature and liked pulling peoples trousers down.
My late teens were terribly hard, making excuses about not chatting up girls and drinking traditional masculine drinks (which tasted horrible. I during the course of my late teens, early twenties became a heavy binge drinker.
I first tried to transition in 2003, but chickened out and had housing issues at this time. I also got a job I kept for 2 years, but my boss Phil was very homophobic (When a gay person was in the shop he muttered should not be allowed). So I could not transition there.
Coming to terms with who I am
When I left there in 2006 I was unemployed for just over a year, until I had a bit of luck. British Telecommunications were looking for staff, and I had an interview that would change my life. I spent the first four months there working as a man, and then in August 2007 I started my transition. I changed my name by deed, and for the first time in my life I was happy.
My transition
For the first year, I suffered some abuse (worst case was when I was followed to work by someone shouting "Why are you wearing a dress" repeatedly). As my transition went by, it became easier. Until the worst day of my life, which almost made me give up my transition.
On October 26th 2008, I was sexually assaulted in a subway, This happened near where I lived (Which made it worse), but luckily I had to sign on during that week. This enabled me to face the world.
Since then there has been very few occasions where I have suffered abuse, and its been the best time of my life. I still go into depression on ocaasion, but thats due to my non existant love life. I am very happy with the choices I have made, and with the way locals have treated me.
I am currently awaiting surgery, and have to lose weight. My diet is going well. The first nutritional appointment I lost 6 kilos, thats about a stone. I should be ready for surgery this time next year, so wish me luck
I am grateful to my online friends, who I hold dear. They have been the best friends anyone can have, and my future looks as good as I could of planned it. There is only one question I should ask myself.
Why did I not transition sooner.
