Death of Barman Four
Created | Updated May 2, 2002
This is a snippet from the Hotspot Bar conversation forum.Tally: Let's drown our sorrows and ourselves!Easily Pb: Cheers!Primord: Oh my gosh my golly- I've just booted over a 2-litre bottle of Cherryade, it's gone EVERYWHERE! Does anyone know how to shift big obnoxious pink stains? Answers welcomed, and my dozy mother forgot her purse this morning, she's up to high doh, ah well.Easily Pb: Isn't putting salt down supposed to lift the stains? Or buy a rug.Or put the lid back on in future?Tally: How about we ignore it and hope no-one else notices it. I mean.... It's only wrecked the oriental rug and stained a large patch of the bar Bright pink! I don't think anyone else will notice!Tally downs another stiff-drinkFeesh walks in sloshing through Cherryade and lots of liquidy mixed drinksFeesh: what happened here?Tally: Maybe I was wrong!Tally gets another stiff-drink and downs itFeesh: I am lost... require alcohol in large quantitiesTally: Poor Feesh, you in need of a hug? Or maybe some Cherryade which has mysteriously run out?!Feesh: I think I need the hug more... but your all covered in drink so I don't want u near me now.... cant be having drunks hugging me.... whatever would my mother think?Easily Pb: Are you looking for a new barkeep?Tally: Oh wow! This bar's been wrecked but all the windows are still in one piece!CRASH! A mysterious blonde (Laura again!) in a bright red cat-suit ( a bit like Britney Spears really) crashes through the window, sending shards of glass everywhere. she drops to the floor and sommersults over to the bar. She then stands up and looking around the bar starts to brush the glass and wood from her catsuitLaura: Oh hi Tally how are you? I couldn't be bothered to go round the building to get to the door.... much in need of a stiff-drink me thinks...still self service is it and what's with the big pink stainy thing over that rug I sent you as a birthday pressie!?With that she rushes to the bar, back flips over it, and lands right in front of the vodka bottles. She helps herself to three or four (bottles that is) and then settle downs on one of the stools with glass over it.Tally: Oh my God what was that? A hurricane? Oh hi Laura where u come from? Pass me a stiff-drink while your there will you?Laura: Yeah sure, here you go *passes tally a stiff-drink* just be careful with that though I've made it to my special recipe , its fifty times stronger than the regular... it burns through wood...Tally fishes glass out of her stiff-drinkTally: I know this stuff supposed to burn the back of your throat...but scratch it?Laura: there weren't that much glass it in. *looks hurt*Tally: Never mind. *downs the stiff-drink* Ouch...that hurt...but boy was it good!Tally slowly falls over backwards off the stoolTally: I didn't know I was on a stool!Laura: yeah, that can happen when u drink my drinks...they're that good! Oh hi EasilyPb didn't see you there (i.e... right in front of my face..!) would u like one of my drinks too?Tally: *raises head* Is Laura now our new barmaid? Do you really have a death wish? *collapses back down unconscious*Laura: No I'm not! I'm not that bored/stupid!she flips herself athletically over the bar again , still clutching her bottles of vodka....Tally: Watch where u put those feet!!!!! 9 inch stilettos could make a bit of a mess.Laura: you should count yourself lucky I'm not wearing my twelve inch stilettos today!Tally: *Gets up....shakily* Wow who gave this room a spinning effect? *slumps over the bar* Wow these bottles are stood upside down!A man walks through the door, he has his coat in his hand, over his shoulder and is whistling a tune under his breath, in short, he is happy to be here...New Barman: Hi guys I'm going to be your new barman and I can't tell you how much I need this job to get out of some of my debt, I cant wait to start my names- AARGH!At this point the new barman slips on the pool of Cherryade on the floor and by some nasty twist of fate lands with his throat in a very large shard of glass-oh dear. It kills him virtually instantly, but not before adding a lot of red liquid to the pink Cherryade on the floor alreadyAnother man walks into the barNext new barman: Hi I'm your new barman. The agency had a feeling that he (pointing at the pile on the floor by the rug) wouldn’t last that long, especially in a place with this reputation so they send me too...With that he skilfully steps of the body and glass, and pools of liquid and anything else that managed to accumulate on the floor and takes his place behind the bar. In ten minutes he has the bar cleared up and fresh drinks in everyone's glasses. Somehow without leaving the bar, the room was also beginning to look tidier too....but it just turned out that everyone by now was so drunk that they didn't even realise that he was cleaning the room too.
