Life for the partially deaf can be tiring but great fun. Here are a few of the gaming rules.

1. Learn to avoid akward questions by simply not hearing them.

2. Place a permanent smile on your face, hope nothing bad happens.

3. Be grateful when reading a book that it's not a listening one.

4. Don't sign noise petitions,you won't hear what the noise is anyway

5. Lastly and most importantly, be glad you're alive

Personally I have found rule one works to my advantage brilliantly, as the questioner is usually too embarrassed to repeat their question.

Have you sometimes wished that you could still hear the birds singing. The human brain is a wonderous thing, it remembers the sounds you used to hear and when you see a bird your brain hears the song, unfortunately it may also hear the song when there are no birds present, but that's your gain and a hearing persons loss.

Going to parties is a great way of being seemingly as perfect as everyone else, they can't hear any better than you and the music is never too loud, so pump up the volume, and you can say what!! as much as you like and no-one notices. Once everyone has become equally inebriated it doesn't matter if you give a wrong response to a question because they're as pi-eyed as you, dance on.

Rule two can be a little wearing at first, but once people begin to smile back at you, even when it's raining, it's worth the effort and anyway it's great for the facial muscles. When all around you have saggy faces your smile will grow even bigger, so you get a few laughter lines but they show you have a nice personality.

The most important rule is number five, for all the bad things that go on in the world would you really rather not have been born? Life can be fun if you refuse to be glum, think of the beautiful things your eyes have seen and the great people you have met who didn't care whether or not you are perfect.

So smile and be happy, what's that upstairs on the right, oh! I'll have one sugar please.