An Ode to Waking Up Early For School
Created | Updated Mar 28, 2002
(I had to write a satire for my English class)
This is a true story about a pleasant little high school in the pleasant little town of Tessoys. The students of Tessoys High School were good, hard working people, and the school was recognized as one of the best in the nation. The curious thing about the school is that nowadays, their school year begins and ends exactly one day earlier than all other high schools.
In Tessoys High School there was a junior named Anali. He was a quiet, earnest young lad who always did his homework. He was very pleased with his life but always resented the fact that he had to go to school at 7:30 in the morning. "This is so late in the day!" he thought. "I feel like a lazy hog waking up after the sun has already risen! What kind of discipline is this school giving to us, letting us just sleep so much?"
One mid-February day, Anali decided to take some action. He marched right up to the principal's office and stated his concern. The principal listened intently and said to Anali, "You know, you certainly do bring up a good point. Why don't you come to the next board of education meeting and present your idea to the administrators?"
So he did, and the administrators responded quite favorably. "What time do you propose to have school start instead?" inquired one administrator.
"Well," said Anali, "I was thinking maybe around 3:30 AM. We would start so much earlier than other high schools that we would naturally feel a discipline far stronger, and we would all be more efficient students. And we would be able to see the sunrise while we are in school, symbolizing the dawning of a new era in education. And did you know that Ancient Roman students started their studying at around this time?"
The administrator replied, "You know, you are a very wise young man. You should be a role model for all other Tessoys High School students. If the Ancient Romans did this, then it must be a good thing for Tessoys High School as well. Starting next Monday, school will begin at 3:30 AM."
The next day, all the students received a letter in the mail that looked like this:
Dear Tessoys High School Student,
Starting Monday, February 30, school will begin exactly 4 hours earlier. All students who fail to comply with this new rule or make efforts to eliminate this rule will be killed via guillotine.
Carpe Diem
E Pluribus Unum
Cave Canem
When students saw this, they were shocked and outraged. But they were powerless and eventually accepted the fact that they could do nothing. Everyone came to school at 3:30 AM, bitter, but fearful. Anali, on the other hand, was more than grateful for this new schedule. At the end of the week, he met with the administrators again, and they all agreed that everything was working spectacularly. Students were on their best zombie-like behavior, even completely eliminating the need for detention. Anali suggested, "Since things are going so great, why not push school even earlier? How about 9:30 PM?" The administrator happily agreed, and the following week school started at 9:30 PM.
The week carried on much like the previous week, Anali more ecstatic than ever. "Don't you find it a bit eerie that we're eating lunch at 1:30 AM?" one student said to her friend. Unfortunately, the friend couldn't reply, since her head was dunked in her now smashed up container of apple sauce, asleep or suffering from a mild fatigue-induced stroke, no one could really tell which.
Anali joyously walked up to the principal that Friday afternoon, so proud of the new successful school policy that he himself thought up. "Carpe diem, sir!"
"Carpe diem, young lad!"
"This is great! We've already surpassed the Romans! A new era of education, starting right here in Tessoys High School! Next week, I think we should start school even earlier, at 12:30 PM!"
The principal had a slightly suspicious, confused look for about a second but then replied, "Excellent idea, young lad!"
So that week, everyone went to school at 12:30 PM. The students were mostly confused, but they were for once well-rested. Anali failed to realize that everyone was now actually sleeping late, rather than waking up early. The students of Tessoys High School were happy and awake that week, but they realized they're happiness was not bound to last long. At the end of the week, Anali went up to the principal and said, "Carpe diem, sir! Our school has become the ideal haven for discipline and learning! The Romans were merely ignorant little children compared to Tessoys High School students. Since things are going so well, let's push school even earlier to 7:30 AM!"
"I like the way you think, young lad! It shall be done!"
So the next week, everyone came to school at 7:30 AM. One day in the middle of that week, Anali was rushed to the nearby mental hospital. The Tessoys High School schedule has stayed this way ever since, which is why it begins and ends exactly one day before all other high schools.
This is a true story about a pleasant little high school in the pleasant little town of Tessoys. The students of Tessoys High School were good, hard working people, and the school was recognized as one of the best in the nation. The curious thing about the school is that nowadays, their school year begins and ends exactly one day earlier than all other high schools.
In Tessoys High School there was a junior named Anali. He was a quiet, earnest young lad who always did his homework. He was very pleased with his life but always resented the fact that he had to go to school at 7:30 in the morning. "This is so late in the day!" he thought. "I feel like a lazy hog waking up after the sun has already risen! What kind of discipline is this school giving to us, letting us just sleep so much?"
One mid-February day, Anali decided to take some action. He marched right up to the principal's office and stated his concern. The principal listened intently and said to Anali, "You know, you certainly do bring up a good point. Why don't you come to the next board of education meeting and present your idea to the administrators?"
So he did, and the administrators responded quite favorably. "What time do you propose to have school start instead?" inquired one administrator.
"Well," said Anali, "I was thinking maybe around 3:30 AM. We would start so much earlier than other high schools that we would naturally feel a discipline far stronger, and we would all be more efficient students. And we would be able to see the sunrise while we are in school, symbolizing the dawning of a new era in education. And did you know that Ancient Roman students started their studying at around this time?"
The administrator replied, "You know, you are a very wise young man. You should be a role model for all other Tessoys High School students. If the Ancient Romans did this, then it must be a good thing for Tessoys High School as well. Starting next Monday, school will begin at 3:30 AM."
The next day, all the students received a letter in the mail that looked like this:
Dear Tessoys High School Student,
Starting Monday, February 30, school will begin exactly 4 hours earlier. All students who fail to comply with this new rule or make efforts to eliminate this rule will be killed via guillotine.
Carpe Diem
E Pluribus Unum
Cave Canem
When students saw this, they were shocked and outraged. But they were powerless and eventually accepted the fact that they could do nothing. Everyone came to school at 3:30 AM, bitter, but fearful. Anali, on the other hand, was more than grateful for this new schedule. At the end of the week, he met with the administrators again, and they all agreed that everything was working spectacularly. Students were on their best zombie-like behavior, even completely eliminating the need for detention. Anali suggested, "Since things are going so great, why not push school even earlier? How about 9:30 PM?" The administrator happily agreed, and the following week school started at 9:30 PM.
The week carried on much like the previous week, Anali more ecstatic than ever. "Don't you find it a bit eerie that we're eating lunch at 1:30 AM?" one student said to her friend. Unfortunately, the friend couldn't reply, since her head was dunked in her now smashed up container of apple sauce, asleep or suffering from a mild fatigue-induced stroke, no one could really tell which.
Anali joyously walked up to the principal that Friday afternoon, so proud of the new successful school policy that he himself thought up. "Carpe diem, sir!"
"Carpe diem, young lad!"
"This is great! We've already surpassed the Romans! A new era of education, starting right here in Tessoys High School! Next week, I think we should start school even earlier, at 12:30 PM!"
The principal had a slightly suspicious, confused look for about a second but then replied, "Excellent idea, young lad!"
So that week, everyone went to school at 12:30 PM. The students were mostly confused, but they were for once well-rested. Anali failed to realize that everyone was now actually sleeping late, rather than waking up early. The students of Tessoys High School were happy and awake that week, but they realized they're happiness was not bound to last long. At the end of the week, Anali went up to the principal and said, "Carpe diem, sir! Our school has become the ideal haven for discipline and learning! The Romans were merely ignorant little children compared to Tessoys High School students. Since things are going so well, let's push school even earlier to 7:30 AM!"
"I like the way you think, young lad! It shall be done!"
So the next week, everyone came to school at 7:30 AM. One day in the middle of that week, Anali was rushed to the nearby mental hospital. The Tessoys High School schedule has stayed this way ever since, which is why it begins and ends exactly one day before all other high schools.
