the war sketch
Created | Updated Mar 15, 2002
A junior and a senior member of the security services
J; sir, something rather interesting has just cropped up
S; oh?
J; yes sir
S; well? Go on man, don't beat about the bush
J; well it's the russians sir, we just picked up a signal we believe came directly from the kremlin
S; I thought they turned that into a strip club
J; no sir, that was just a cover up
S; hmmm
J; well sir, the message you see was, 'relax general, we have his pants'
S; who's pants?
J; well sir...
S; could they mean my pants?
J; I don't think so sir
S; well, we can't be too careful, Jenkins, I want an armed 24hr guard on my underwear drawer, strictly no access without my direct permission.
J; er, yes sir
S; not even for me!
J; wha...
S; unless I say so first
J; sir, we don't think it's meant literally
S; what?
J; we think it might code...
S; code eh??? God, what will those devils think off next?
J; we think this might be big sir
S; bigger than my pants
J; yes sir, a lot bigger,
S; god, what must they have to fill pants that big?
J; well I thought...
S; Jenkins! Where do you buy your pants?
J; well sir, since you ask I buy my underwear from Marks and spencers
S; as do I jenkins
###S slaps his arm around J's shoulder and pulls him in tightly###
S; as do I, as does every decent selfrespecting man in britain who cares about his private parts!!!
J; er...
S; this is war jenkins
J; sir I was...
S; I want all army units in the greater london area on red alert.
J; but sir it isn't...
S; and have them check their pants, we must find out just who's pants they have.
J; but sir...
S; stop interupting man, how am I supposed to think with you wittering on... you are wearing pants aren't you sergeant?
J; yes, sir.
S; let me see, go on, good. Very nice pants jenkins
J; thank you sir
S; Right, get on to the royal guard, have the queen moved down to the bunker, and check she's wearing pants.
J; sir?
S; stop questioning everything I say man
J; how should we check her majesties...
S; pull up her bloody skirt and look man, am I the only one with common sence here? Fetch my little pony!
J; yes sir
Clip clop noises
S; I want 40 men, good and strong converging on marks and spencers head quarters in fifteen minutes.
J; sir are you sure that pony can take your wait
S; of course it can, this a steed of war, are we are going to war charge!
Slow and random clip clop noises,
J; I'll just walk along side shall I sir?
