The grim reaper sketch
Created | Updated Mar 5, 2002
We hear a well spoken english man saying goodbye to his wife, and closing his front door. A few footstep then a pause.
G; Er good morning, mr smith? Mr charles smith?
M; What? Er yes.
G; Charles smith born to Beatrice anne and Ralph Malcolm Smith, of 57 Cresent Gardens, Ipswich?
M; yes
G; Goooood #tails off# Mr smith it is my unpleasent duty to inform you sir that your time has come
M; look, are selling something
G; selling sir? No sir. This is the paper work, if you could read and sign it please.
M; I the undersigned fully accept the terms of my demise as detailed above and the forthcoming eternity I will face.
G; yes, I know what it says, if you could sign it please, and then we can move things along a bit
M; but I'm not dead
G; no sir, not yet. I do appologise for starting this early it's just I have an earthquake to attend this afternoon and I was hoping to get a spot of lunch in
M; uh?
G; I'm sorry sir, I do tend to get sidetracked from time to time (tails of)
M; huh?
G; read and sign please
M; no look im sorry, I have a meeting to get to, er sorry.
#foot steps fading away, g 'tuts' a pause, then footstep fadeing in
M; what? But.. how did you do that
G; it's no use trying away,
#then absently to him self#
G; in fact most of the time it's a real inconvenience
#talking to man again#
G; perhaps I should introduce my self, my official title is grim reaper, but you can call me herman... if you like... we're supposed to be bringing this personal touch to death... I don't agree with it myself, give me the robes and scythe anyday... they gave me a pocket knife but it's just not the same.
M; so you saying I am dead?
G; no, not yet sir, as I was saying if you could just read and sign please,
#than quieter#
g; to be quite honest sir it's often a great deal easier to get this bit sorted out now, some spirits have the most tremendous difficulty holding the pen you know
M; yes well I can see that would be a problem, I'm afraid I er don't have a pen
G; of, please use mine
M; oh [he signs]
G; if you would like to come with me ove rto his area of grass. If you were to pass on standing here I'm afraid you would cause the most horrific road traffic accident.
M; oh
G; and we're all booked up for today
M; so you're really the grim reaper
G; oh, no. not the no. I'm with the supply unit. The regular guy stood in the wrong lift shaft yesterday, shocking state of affairs, the boss was furious. He'll be away for a while.
M; huh???
G; right then, you may like to lie down, some people find it quite calming
M; no, I'm okay thank you
G; right, you're a heart attack, nice and easy. Better than the last one anyway, it's so difficult to get elephants to run in the right direction. So, here we go,goodbye, it was lovely to meet you.
M; I bet you say to everyone
G; well, yes, it's all this personal touch rubbish you see.
M; ah
G; okay, ba-baum, ba-bum, ba-bum. Stop.
#pause#
M; phew
G; oh yes, boo.
