JJ's Carmalised Movie Review

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Random Rantings on The Pre-Oscars Slump

It happens every year. That doesn't necessarily mean that I have to like it though. On the contrary, actually. I hate it with a burning passion. What am I talking about? The lack of good movies round about Oscars time. I just don't get it at all.

A friend and I went to see 'Monsters Ball' (Starring Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton). I hated it. Nothing against you people who liked it, I'm just not much for child abuse and people on death row. (I must say, however, that Puff Daddy's [AkA P. Diddy] acting was wonderful. In a very effervescent, refreshing Hey rappers can, like, act! sort of way. Be that as it may, I'm not much into child abuse and guys on death row.

Why do such movies appear right about this time every year? No one really knows.

Oh hey, here's another stinker: 'Queen of the Damned' (Starring Stuart Townsend and the late Aliyah). How bad was that one? 'The Irresistible Vampire Lestat' decides to become a rock star. And he does, and because he is so pale and skinny and dead-looking of course he is a success. However, there happen to be a lot of angry vampires in the undead community that don't like Lestat very much. So they decide to run up and attempt to kill (Lestat). But he is saved by an ancient evil gel, called Akasha. There's a lot of combat, some playing about with bullet time, and a yawning Jade in the audience.

Once again, I ask you: 'Why do such movies appear right about this time every year?' to which you of course answer: 'No one really knows'.

There hasn't been a really good flick since the release of Peter Jackson's blockbuster 'The Fellowship of the Rings'. This depresses me. Everyone's waiting for the next big hit (Which everyone knows will be 'Star Wars: Episode II, Attach of the Clones' [...and might I ask what it was Lucas was smoking when he thought up that title?].)The only bad thing about this one is that the trailers (both the teaser trailer and now the full-length one) don't interest me all that much. Lucas looks as if he's simply trying to outdo himself yet again.

This, of course, might seem startling news coming from someone sporting 'Jedi' on the front of her handle, but then, what can I say? I wouldn't say it if it weren't the truth. Lucas has turned into the world's most recognizable sellout. This is sad news for Warsies (or Obi-wanabees, or whatever we might call ourselves) everywhere.

...I think I'm done now.

Thanks for reading!

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