JJ's Carmalised Movie Review

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Three Short Reviews for People With Short Attention Spans

Super Troopers

Time: 123 minutes.

Cast: Jay Chandrasekhar (Thorny), Marisa Coughlan (Ursula Hanson), Brian Cox, Kevin Heffernan (Farva), Steve Lemme (Mac), Paul Soter (Foster), Eric Stolhanske (Rabbit), Daniel von Bargen (Chief
Grady), Lynda Carter (Governor Jessman), Jim Gaffigan (Larry Johnson), John Bedford Lloyd (Mayor Timber), Jimmy Noonan (Galikanokus), Michael Weaver (Officer Rando)

Director: Jay Chandrasekhar.

If I were asked to summarise this essay in one sentence I would do it like such: 'Possibly one of the scariest movies I've ever seen'. And why, you ask moi, is this? Because it's a story about highway cops. Being morons. Funny, yes. I wet myself from laughter. But /scary/.

The film opens on a car full of stoners (the best kind of opener, in my mind. What could possibly be funnier than a car full of stoners?) cruising the freeway and smoking the refer.

So picture, if you will, the rolling, tree-plastered countryside, framed my windows of an aging car with a smoke-filled interior. In the car are seated three young people of the male persuasion, doobies in hand, making random comments on random subjects. Peace, serenity, more random comments. Suddenly the peace is shattered by the glimpse of another car. One of the green kind with shiny lights.

'Hide the stash!'

one of the boys shouts in alarm. He hands a bag of marijuana and a bag of mushrooms (each quite full,) to his friend in the backseat.
'Go on, eat them!'

he says. The friend obliges. Gets quite high. Begins freaking out. The cops pull them over, mess with them a bit, and arrests are made.

Life is peachy. (And groundling humour takes its toll.) Do not ask for whom Jade recommends this film, for she recommends it to thee.

Super Troopers gets four and a half smiley - smiley's and a smiley - pirate just for good measure.


Time: 120 minutes.

Cast: Audrey Tautou (Amelie Poulain), Mathieu Kassovitz (Nino Quincampoix), Rufus (Raphael Poulain), Yolande Moreau (Madeleine Wallace), Artus de Penguern (Hipolito), Urbain Cancelier (Collignon), Dominique Pinon (Joseph), Maurice Benichou (Dominique Bretodeau)

Director: Jean-Pierre Jeunet.

A French foreign film. An artsy French foreign film. And surprisingly (for the second time this year,) an artsy French foreign film that fails completely... to suck.

Amelie is an introvert that lives (alone) in a (lonely) flat in what I believe might or might not be Paris. One day she decides to do good deeds for people. So she sends her father's prize garden gnome on a field trip around the world, makes a neighbourhood grocer go more than just a tad (completely) /mad/, and quite nearly resurrects a neighbour's dead husband. (Yes, I am leaving a bit out. However did you know?) Somewhere in there she manages to fall in love with a guy who collects footprints. (Thus making this a love story. Woo hoo!)

In general, this film was /yummy/. In a (hyphenated) word, Independent-film-alicious. So it gets a smiley - bubbly, some smiley - strawberry's, a smiley - loveblush, a smiley - sheep, some smiley - cappuccino, and a touch of smiley - magic simply because I love it so very very much.

(Yes my rating system is indecipherable. But it's mine and that's the way it is. So tough cookies, cowboy, deal wiv it.)

Six String Samurai

Time: 93 minutes.

Cast: Jeffrey Falcon, Justin McGuire

Director: Lance Mungia.

Director's Shoe size: 10

'Do you hear that six string? That's one mean guitar. So you'd better stay out of it’s way...'

The premise is simple: Russians take over the US, and Elvis is crowned King of Las Vegas ('It's the land of the free', states the title song.) and everything is good, but then Elvis bites it, and so a new rock and roller has to take a pilgrimage to Vegas to succeed the throne and take over. (In this case, the chosen successor is Buddy Holly.) So said successor (heir) has to go up the Yellow Brick Road to become the One True King (okay, that's not verbatim, no, but it /works/!).

So Buddy Holly makes his way to Vegas, gets saddled with a young boy who idolizes him, Death (a Heavy Metal rocker,) tries to kill them, succeeds, we find that hell is actually in the sewer and midgets sitting atop piles of crack cocaine are regular occurrences.

This movie rocks. Rent it, love it, buy the soundtrack (you know you want to.). As for rating, Six String is above rating. It soars to dizzying heights and drops to disturbing lows. Regardless, it's awesome. So it receives Orlando Bloom sexy-as-all smiley - elf's to the power of 42 (this would be 42 smiley - elf's or something like that).

Jedi Jade

21.02.02. Front Page

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