The Quest

1 Conversation

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a work of fiction. Characters are intended to be amusing caricatures of their h2g2 counterparts, and the author means no offense in the use of researchers' names and characters. I don't even portray sea accurately. In short, please do not be offended. Your inclusion in the story simply means that I like you, so be flattered!


sea counted her money with a satisfied smile. One hundred million Moxons, not bad for only selling two items. The Grail had gone for 30 million and the other for 70. Well, the second item didn't technically sell for 70; rather, it had gone to Red Dog for 35 and she had made a deal with Garius Lupus to sell him another for the same price. sea found it quite amusing to think that h2g2 editor accounts sold for more than the Holy Grail - but then again, these two men were bona fide h2g2 addicts.

sea tucked the money into the briefcase with Happydude's trading card money and headed for home.

sea opened the door to her apartment and heard flirtatious giggling. She groaned inwardly. Saturn Girl and Busterbone were home. Fortunately, before she heard too much, her phone rang.


she said.

'sea, darling.'

said Garius.
'I have a request to make of you - a business proposal. I know you don't like to be called at home, but... '


sea interrupted.
'You're saving me from aural assault. Right now, I'd be willing to talk to a telemarketer.'

Garius laughed.
'Well, then, I'm glad to hear that it won't be rude of me to invite you to my home for dinner on such short notice.'

'Certainly not!'

sea replied, looking for her keys.
'I can be there in ten minutes.'

She hung up the phone, grabbed her coat, and realized that the Porsche keys were in the living room with Saturn Girl and Busterbone. sea was once again forced to run through the living room, snatch her keys off the coffee table, and run for the door, all the while trying not to see Busterbone tied up on the couch.

sea parked the Porsche in the circular driveway, in front of the enormous Wolf's Head Manor. She went up the stairs and reached for the doorknocker, but stopped short when she noticed that it was in the shape of a wolf's head. She laughed and reached for it again, but the door opened before she touched it.

'Good evening, Miss soeasilyamused!'

said Mac, the butler.

'Master Garius is taking dinner in the dining hall. You may see him there.'

sea surrendered her coat and followed Mac down the hall.

Garius was charming, as usual, but sea got the distinct impression that he was trying to get her drunk. He kept refilling her wine glass and, although the wine was good, sea wished he would get to the point. She held her drink well, and it was going to take a fortune in wine to get her drunk.

Noticing that sea was brooding, Garius put down the bottle with a clunk. sea looked up at him, startled out of her deep thoughts, and blinked to clear her mind.

'I have a quest for you, sea.'

said Garius.
'A very dangerous quest...'

'I know!'

sea interrupted.
'They always are. Anyway, I eat danger for breakfast.'

'Don't interrupt.'

'Please forgive me. Go ahead.'

'A very dangerous quest...'

Garius continued, with an air of don't-interrupt-me-again
'that will test your physical and mental abilities, your cleverness, and your courage. Naturally, as we've done before, I'll pay your expenses plus a tidy little stipend for you, even if you don't find what I'm looking for.'

'But if I do.'

sea replied.
'You'll make me richer than in my wildest dreams?'

'Well, yes.'

Garius allowed.
'However, this time I promise more.'

sea's eyes widened.

'Fame, respect, legendary status. If you do this for me - and succeed, mind you - you will live in the memory of every archaeologist, museum curator, history student and Douglas Adams fan in the universe.'

sea frowned.
'Douglas Adams fans? What do they have to do with anything? What exactly am I looking for?'

Just what is sea looking for? What do Douglas Adams fans have to do with it? Will sea have to see Busterbone tied up on the couch again? Find out next week, same bat time, same bat channel!

The Quest Collection


14.02.02. Front Page

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