tree story
Created | Updated Apr 19, 2002
Seven trees left of the the tree which everyone except Permangle believed to be a christmas tree was a cactus. The Cactus had been endeared with a capital letter since Permangle and his two closest buddies (Juff and Corsicle) had started hanging round it.
Most of the others (Yolanda, Hertrude and Sculkson included) spent all their available freetreetime around the christmas tree, which, by pure coincedence was shaped entirely similarly to a pencil. Yolanda and Sculkson were out pitchshifting one day when they came accross Permangle and Corsicle. Not wanting to put to waste the fourteen blueberry waffles they had in their mutual backsack, Permangle and Corsicle shared them out equally. At this moment in time, Juff was alone under the Cactus and Hertrude was alone under the pencil-shaped christmas tree. Permangle, Corsicle, Sculkson and Yolanda got talking, as all kind and noble people do, and as they were all of the frivilous gossiping type, they questioned what Juff and Hertrude might be upto. Corsicle theorised that they might be engaged in a game of scrabble, Yolanda wish-washed this idea and when questioned by Sculkson revealed she believed Juff and Hertrude to be engaged in marriage. Permangle said that it was all stupid. They hadn't even talked before; a game of scrabble would be lunacy. Sculkson thought they'd get on like a house on fire. Permangle said that his house was on fire and he'd thank Yolanda not to bring this up. Yolanda, protested (exclamically) saying that it was Sculkson who had brought it up. They came to mutual agreement that they should destroy the cactus and use the water stored inside to put out the fire at Permangle's house.
Meanwhile back at a space exactly three and a half trees from the Cactus and the christmas tree shaped entirely similarly to a pencil a gruff in distress revealed itself to be in distress. Equally shocked and equally concerned, Juff and Hertrude rushed to the aid of the poorsweetdarling gruff. Acting as if they had known each other an age, and with an understand that only the bestist of best friends and those married for far too long have, the two, who had never spoken began to nurse the injured scruff. Gradually as the minutes passed the poor little scruffydear began to feel better. After a casual choke and a noise associated purely with 'scruff' the scruff hobbleskipped into the woods. Juff and Hertrude looked at each other for a second. Staring fleetingly at each other, they realised a world and life of tragedy ahead. They foresaw themselves in a future romance - bringing much happiness to each other, but destroying the lives of those around them, who they cared about very much. Quite how they would ever have a joyous married life and destroy the lives of those they care about most, cannot be reveal for legal reasons. Needless to say, being the good, kind, caring people they were, they greeted each other farewell, and veered clear of romance.
Permangle, Corsicle, Sculkson and Yolanda returned to find the two departing, each looking pleased, yet forlorn. Not wishing to destroy the atmosphere, which all felt most poignant, Corsicle broke wind and they decided it would be best to goto bed. Incidentally they all slept under the great oak tree.
Night passed, and then day and then another night and then a knight (who stopped to say "can i borrow a can of coke?" [nothing came of it, everyone was asleep]). By the time it was daytime Sculkson and Corsicle, who had risen earlier than the others on account of the blue moon found the decaffeniated knight on his last leg (he had eatan the other in a desperate, and rather foolish bid to preserve blood). Sculkson and Corsicle decided the knight would get pretty darn mad with them for not offering some coca-cola. They did have some, but intended to save it for a party. So they bludgeoned the knight to death with blunt and heavy instruments. They buried the body, and the bloodsoaked guitar, double bass and the steel drum under the olive tree, which was situated entirely nowhere near either the great oak tree, nor the Cactus tree, nor the Christmas tree. As the days passed, the leaves and branches on the olive tree began to wither, and the fruit of the olive tree, known as scaaa, normally a beautiful wondrous tasteful nourisher tasted of nothing but pain, suffering and gave all who ate it an enormous caffeine rush, which instantly killed them. NB - caffeine, if not properly treated can (and does) kill even the largest of diplodocus. The poisonous fruit had a devasting effect on the great oak tree community and Sculkson and Corsicle became overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and remorse. In their bitter horrified knowledge they believed no one would understand and with no one but each other to turn to, they engaged in an exceptionally passionate love affair. The others noticed that Sculkson and Corsicle had been keeping themselves at a distance and put forward the farfetched proposition that they were spies, loyal to agent Zeth on a transdimensional mission to rid the world of Greeks and charm. To be perfectly honest, Permangle had always had his doubts and when speaking under the influnce of the marvellously intoxicating Vaail tree leaf, he was not surprised when Corsicle confessed of murder and pre-marital sex with Sculkson. Permangle’s first instinct was doub, he said Sculkson was f*****g ugly and Corsicle cried. Permangle took it back under the advice of Juff and now everyone knew, Corsicle and Sculkson were able to live honest and true lives again without fear and guilt. Yolanda awoke from death. Hertrude said that that's nice and everyone went to bed under the great oak tree.
Next morn Permangle and Yolanda breakfasted together with Hertrude. Hertrude soon began to feel in the way. She moved out of the way of the ambulance and began to feel in the way of the relationshipmental progression of Permangle and Yolanda. The two were becoming inimitably drawn together by the universal force of Kun. They soon spent every meal together. They talked late into the night, well after Corsicle, Juff, etc had gone down rabbit holes in search of rabbi terrorists. Soon the bonds become so great that a physical development ensued. Sculkson sued Juff and won, successfully being allowed to removed their conjoining tumour. Meanwhile Permangle and Yolanda started to explore their sexuality. Within two months they were insperable. They were successful serpared in a day, but voluntarily rejoined themselves. A polar bear said that was a bit silly. They wondered if they spent too much time together. The others disapproved, but in a manner which meant they didn't really care. Yolanda wanted to help the third world and gave it lots of money. Permangle was intensely happy and declared the world to be a pretty place. <earth>
Most of the others (Yolanda, Hertrude and Sculkson included) spent all their available freetreetime around the christmas tree, which, by pure coincedence was shaped entirely similarly to a pencil. Yolanda and Sculkson were out pitchshifting one day when they came accross Permangle and Corsicle. Not wanting to put to waste the fourteen blueberry waffles they had in their mutual backsack, Permangle and Corsicle shared them out equally. At this moment in time, Juff was alone under the Cactus and Hertrude was alone under the pencil-shaped christmas tree. Permangle, Corsicle, Sculkson and Yolanda got talking, as all kind and noble people do, and as they were all of the frivilous gossiping type, they questioned what Juff and Hertrude might be upto. Corsicle theorised that they might be engaged in a game of scrabble, Yolanda wish-washed this idea and when questioned by Sculkson revealed she believed Juff and Hertrude to be engaged in marriage. Permangle said that it was all stupid. They hadn't even talked before; a game of scrabble would be lunacy. Sculkson thought they'd get on like a house on fire. Permangle said that his house was on fire and he'd thank Yolanda not to bring this up. Yolanda, protested (exclamically) saying that it was Sculkson who had brought it up. They came to mutual agreement that they should destroy the cactus and use the water stored inside to put out the fire at Permangle's house.
Meanwhile back at a space exactly three and a half trees from the Cactus and the christmas tree shaped entirely similarly to a pencil a gruff in distress revealed itself to be in distress. Equally shocked and equally concerned, Juff and Hertrude rushed to the aid of the poorsweetdarling gruff. Acting as if they had known each other an age, and with an understand that only the bestist of best friends and those married for far too long have, the two, who had never spoken began to nurse the injured scruff. Gradually as the minutes passed the poor little scruffydear began to feel better. After a casual choke and a noise associated purely with 'scruff' the scruff hobbleskipped into the woods. Juff and Hertrude looked at each other for a second. Staring fleetingly at each other, they realised a world and life of tragedy ahead. They foresaw themselves in a future romance - bringing much happiness to each other, but destroying the lives of those around them, who they cared about very much. Quite how they would ever have a joyous married life and destroy the lives of those they care about most, cannot be reveal for legal reasons. Needless to say, being the good, kind, caring people they were, they greeted each other farewell, and veered clear of romance.
Permangle, Corsicle, Sculkson and Yolanda returned to find the two departing, each looking pleased, yet forlorn. Not wishing to destroy the atmosphere, which all felt most poignant, Corsicle broke wind and they decided it would be best to goto bed. Incidentally they all slept under the great oak tree.
Night passed, and then day and then another night and then a knight (who stopped to say "can i borrow a can of coke?" [nothing came of it, everyone was asleep]). By the time it was daytime Sculkson and Corsicle, who had risen earlier than the others on account of the blue moon found the decaffeniated knight on his last leg (he had eatan the other in a desperate, and rather foolish bid to preserve blood). Sculkson and Corsicle decided the knight would get pretty darn mad with them for not offering some coca-cola. They did have some, but intended to save it for a party. So they bludgeoned the knight to death with blunt and heavy instruments. They buried the body, and the bloodsoaked guitar, double bass and the steel drum under the olive tree, which was situated entirely nowhere near either the great oak tree, nor the Cactus tree, nor the Christmas tree. As the days passed, the leaves and branches on the olive tree began to wither, and the fruit of the olive tree, known as scaaa, normally a beautiful wondrous tasteful nourisher tasted of nothing but pain, suffering and gave all who ate it an enormous caffeine rush, which instantly killed them. NB - caffeine, if not properly treated can (and does) kill even the largest of diplodocus. The poisonous fruit had a devasting effect on the great oak tree community and Sculkson and Corsicle became overwhelmed with feelings of guilt and remorse. In their bitter horrified knowledge they believed no one would understand and with no one but each other to turn to, they engaged in an exceptionally passionate love affair. The others noticed that Sculkson and Corsicle had been keeping themselves at a distance and put forward the farfetched proposition that they were spies, loyal to agent Zeth on a transdimensional mission to rid the world of Greeks and charm. To be perfectly honest, Permangle had always had his doubts and when speaking under the influnce of the marvellously intoxicating Vaail tree leaf, he was not surprised when Corsicle confessed of murder and pre-marital sex with Sculkson. Permangle’s first instinct was doub, he said Sculkson was f*****g ugly and Corsicle cried. Permangle took it back under the advice of Juff and now everyone knew, Corsicle and Sculkson were able to live honest and true lives again without fear and guilt. Yolanda awoke from death. Hertrude said that that's nice and everyone went to bed under the great oak tree.
Next morn Permangle and Yolanda breakfasted together with Hertrude. Hertrude soon began to feel in the way. She moved out of the way of the ambulance and began to feel in the way of the relationshipmental progression of Permangle and Yolanda. The two were becoming inimitably drawn together by the universal force of Kun. They soon spent every meal together. They talked late into the night, well after Corsicle, Juff, etc had gone down rabbit holes in search of rabbi terrorists. Soon the bonds become so great that a physical development ensued. Sculkson sued Juff and won, successfully being allowed to removed their conjoining tumour. Meanwhile Permangle and Yolanda started to explore their sexuality. Within two months they were insperable. They were successful serpared in a day, but voluntarily rejoined themselves. A polar bear said that was a bit silly. They wondered if they spent too much time together. The others disapproved, but in a manner which meant they didn't really care. Yolanda wanted to help the third world and gave it lots of money. Permangle was intensely happy and declared the world to be a pretty place. <earth>
