On Creamed Onions, or the Anti-Onion Manifesto

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Creamed onions are an abomination! They are a scourge upon the planet! All specimens of this foul type of food should be sought out and exterminated! Any readers who agree with me, help me in my quest to destroy this sickening 'food' item! If you still stand by the evil onion, read the Manifesto very carefully.


If any of you have ever eaten both eyeballs and creamed onions, you are sure to have noticed a similarity. Both have that strange slippery quality. They are both round. Worst of all is the way both seem to slide away from your teeth in such an unsettling manner. It is almost as if they are one and the same.


How could I possibly describe the taste of creamed onions? Imagine cardboard coated in green slime, and you will have an approximation of the creamed onion's incredibly awful palate. We must save the best for last, however. The aftertaste of a creamed onion is quite reminiscent of soggy, moldy bread.


Merely looking at the creamed onion should be enough to keep the wary diner from allowing one to even approach their mouth. The dripping white ooze, the rubbery-looking skin! If you choose to ignore me, I hope the best for you. You have been warned.

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