Elvis impersonators
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
"Before Elvis there was nothing," a Mr. J. Lennon of Liverpool once said. But, if recent reports are to be believed, there may soon be nothing but Elvis, or rather nothing but Elvises.
Precise numbers are extremely hard to ascertain, but the number of Elvis impersonators has risen from something like 40 at the time of the King's demise in 1977 to more than 35,000 at the present day, according to www.ElvisImpersonators.com. If that startling rate of increase continues unabated, then by the third decade of this century at least one in four people on Planet Earth will be donning white sequined jumpsuits and feasting on cheeseburgers. That might sound like nothing more than the 3am clientele of a Leicester Square fast food outlet, but imagine the implications if they held an annual convention. How would Blackpool cope if fifteen hundred million stretch Cadillacs descended upon the town over the same Bank Holiday weekend?
Facetiousness aside, there is a serious issue involved, for as time goes by there will be fewer and fewer people alive who actually saw Elvis in person, until he passes into the realms of myth and legend. What with the rumours about him never having actually died, he's perfect new prophet material. Presley could feasibly become a Jesus-like figure, his teachings of love, tenderness and blue suede shoes becoming sermons of how our lives should be lived, preached to packed stadia by rock 'n' roll reverends, each of whom has reinterpreted Elvis' lyrics to suit their means. "Before Elvis there was nothing," we will be reminded, only now by The Book of St. John Lennon, first of the Gospel according to St. John, St. Paul, St. George and St. Bingo, the last misnamed due to a spell-checking glitch on Windows 2045.
And before too long, adverts for commemorative plates will fill the Sunday tabloid supplements. For just 36 monthly instalments of £39.99 you too will be able to claim your very own authentic Elvis porcelain thimble set in fetching Wooden Heart display case. But they won't stop at plates, it'll be other crockery and kitchen utensils as well. The exquisite, hand-crafted Hound Dog Hot Dog Grill Pan, anyone? Or how about the limited edition Big Hunk O' Love Big Hunks of Cheese Slicer? Come to think of it, I'm off to start patenting my ideas before anyone else catches on. See you all in Aloha!
Precise numbers are extremely hard to ascertain, but the number of Elvis impersonators has risen from something like 40 at the time of the King's demise in 1977 to more than 35,000 at the present day, according to www.ElvisImpersonators.com. If that startling rate of increase continues unabated, then by the third decade of this century at least one in four people on Planet Earth will be donning white sequined jumpsuits and feasting on cheeseburgers. That might sound like nothing more than the 3am clientele of a Leicester Square fast food outlet, but imagine the implications if they held an annual convention. How would Blackpool cope if fifteen hundred million stretch Cadillacs descended upon the town over the same Bank Holiday weekend?
Facetiousness aside, there is a serious issue involved, for as time goes by there will be fewer and fewer people alive who actually saw Elvis in person, until he passes into the realms of myth and legend. What with the rumours about him never having actually died, he's perfect new prophet material. Presley could feasibly become a Jesus-like figure, his teachings of love, tenderness and blue suede shoes becoming sermons of how our lives should be lived, preached to packed stadia by rock 'n' roll reverends, each of whom has reinterpreted Elvis' lyrics to suit their means. "Before Elvis there was nothing," we will be reminded, only now by The Book of St. John Lennon, first of the Gospel according to St. John, St. Paul, St. George and St. Bingo, the last misnamed due to a spell-checking glitch on Windows 2045.
And before too long, adverts for commemorative plates will fill the Sunday tabloid supplements. For just 36 monthly instalments of £39.99 you too will be able to claim your very own authentic Elvis porcelain thimble set in fetching Wooden Heart display case. But they won't stop at plates, it'll be other crockery and kitchen utensils as well. The exquisite, hand-crafted Hound Dog Hot Dog Grill Pan, anyone? Or how about the limited edition Big Hunk O' Love Big Hunks of Cheese Slicer? Come to think of it, I'm off to start patenting my ideas before anyone else catches on. See you all in Aloha!
