Tips for Hitchhikers Visiting Oklahoma
Created | Updated Feb 5, 2002
Tips for hitchhikers visiting Oklahoma
1. Don't. This is the most boring place in the whole world.
2. Don't ask for directions. You'll get something like this: "Head that way [the direction giver points two directions at once] and hang a left at the big tree. Then you go till you get to an intersection by a rock. Go right or straight, if you want to. If you pass Joe's house, you're not going the right way..."
3. An Oklahoman can only produce these sounds: |y|, |t|, a few vowels, and "yee-haw!" So, you can see why regular people have a hard time communicating with them. Here are some examples of Okie jargon:
"Yate Yet?" = Have you eaten yet?
"Yunt to?" = Do you want to?
"Ite" = Okay
Being so as we are, for most of us Oklahomans, the fewer sylables, the better.
4. Yes, it is illegal to make moonshine here, but since the police do it, too, we figure it's okay.
5. If you're wondering why there's so much pollution in a state that has no industry besides agriculture, take a look at some of the automobiles. You can't hardly find one less than 40 years old!
6. If you're wondering why everyone is a farmer in a place where it never rains, well, that's a good question.
7. If it seems to you that everyone here looks over the age of 100, that means you have 20/20 vision.
8. Oklahoma was designated "The state where every road is either closed, detoured, or under construction." It could not have been better stated.
9. If you see a person with all their teeth, they probably have dentures.
10. Why is it so windy here, you ask? Because Texas sucks and Kansas blows.
