History of Anthropology (Or we are better than you and I can prove it)
Created | Updated Apr 8, 2002
Anthropology is probably one of the most curious sciences known to the (big numbers) enlightened people of Earth.
For a really long (more big numbers) time human's lived in isolated groups, interacting only with the people around them.
They formed something called "cultures"(Many of big numbers of enlightened people I mentioned earlier would rather not use that word, they have problem having the same term applied to their tea group as a bunch of naked people who ate dirt)
These cultures took on group characteristics, and soon started to think like a group rather than individuals (except for that guy over there, but we don't talk about him much).
These groups thanks to lots of sex and the move towards agriculture (which wasn't as sexy as hunting and gathering, but left more time for the sex they did want to have sometime after this marriage, divorce and the prenuptial agreement came around, but those are unimportant right now)
So with all the babies popping out in rapid succession (Pez was invented about this time), these "cultures" weren't so isolated anymore. Now the fun starts
See this was all good for a while, people tried to be happy together, and adopt these new people into their group ways, lots of give, not much take.
Then fights broke out, and next thing you know it's about 1500.
See there was a large conglomeration of these cultures who while they still fought had taken a lot more than they planned to from the peoples around them. They were known as European.
These Europeans decided that in order to show the other people around them that they were better they needed to get more land. They knew there was a lot of land out there in this recently spherical place they lived.
Well they had a problem, see there were these pesky things called, other people, living in these places they wanted to get so that they could get more of that overused land they called Europe.
At first it came down to the Europeans proving that their guns were bigger (These "colonizers" were male, for the most part, so penis length is always a good start for conversation that you want to go badly).
These "conversations" went badly. So the Europeans got more land, but it didn't change much in Europe, cuz everyone was doing it. Well stuff happened at this point and suddenly the Europeans realized that they had a lot of land
with a lot of people living on it, who either didn't believe in the things the Europeans tried to tell them about stuff like capitalism, or they were completely oblivious that the land where they had lived for (even more big numbers) years and where their house was and their food garden and their trash pile, and dog house, all of it actually
was know owned by these people named Europeans who had shown up one day gave them two pieces of wood nailed together in T formation and told them that they were saved (These people were very confused that day).
Anyway Back in Europe, some people decided that beating up on these "other people" was against their beliefs. Well the Europeans weren't ready to give up this land so they had to come up with something quick.
Lots of them had jumped on the bandwagon of this new thing called science. So the European's in charge thought if they could prove to the rest of Europe that the people they were trying to take land from for all these years
were either 1. lesser beings and therefore free targets for any sort of abuse or 2. in need of the Europeans help because they weren't as smart or as socially evolved as these smelly guys with big guns, then they could keep the land that they had taken.
Well the end result was a lot of people coming up with reason why they, the Europeans, were superior beings of intelligence, and that out of the goodness of their heart they had decided to bestow this intelligence (with the help of big guns) on the poor people of the now certainly spherical world.
Anthropology was born.
For a really long (more big numbers) time human's lived in isolated groups, interacting only with the people around them.
They formed something called "cultures"(Many of big numbers of enlightened people I mentioned earlier would rather not use that word, they have problem having the same term applied to their tea group as a bunch of naked people who ate dirt)
These cultures took on group characteristics, and soon started to think like a group rather than individuals (except for that guy over there, but we don't talk about him much).
These groups thanks to lots of sex and the move towards agriculture (which wasn't as sexy as hunting and gathering, but left more time for the sex they did want to have sometime after this marriage, divorce and the prenuptial agreement came around, but those are unimportant right now)
So with all the babies popping out in rapid succession (Pez was invented about this time), these "cultures" weren't so isolated anymore. Now the fun starts
See this was all good for a while, people tried to be happy together, and adopt these new people into their group ways, lots of give, not much take.
Then fights broke out, and next thing you know it's about 1500.
See there was a large conglomeration of these cultures who while they still fought had taken a lot more than they planned to from the peoples around them. They were known as European.
These Europeans decided that in order to show the other people around them that they were better they needed to get more land. They knew there was a lot of land out there in this recently spherical place they lived.
Well they had a problem, see there were these pesky things called, other people, living in these places they wanted to get so that they could get more of that overused land they called Europe.
At first it came down to the Europeans proving that their guns were bigger (These "colonizers" were male, for the most part, so penis length is always a good start for conversation that you want to go badly).
These "conversations" went badly. So the Europeans got more land, but it didn't change much in Europe, cuz everyone was doing it. Well stuff happened at this point and suddenly the Europeans realized that they had a lot of land
with a lot of people living on it, who either didn't believe in the things the Europeans tried to tell them about stuff like capitalism, or they were completely oblivious that the land where they had lived for (even more big numbers) years and where their house was and their food garden and their trash pile, and dog house, all of it actually
was know owned by these people named Europeans who had shown up one day gave them two pieces of wood nailed together in T formation and told them that they were saved (These people were very confused that day).
Anyway Back in Europe, some people decided that beating up on these "other people" was against their beliefs. Well the Europeans weren't ready to give up this land so they had to come up with something quick.
Lots of them had jumped on the bandwagon of this new thing called science. So the European's in charge thought if they could prove to the rest of Europe that the people they were trying to take land from for all these years
were either 1. lesser beings and therefore free targets for any sort of abuse or 2. in need of the Europeans help because they weren't as smart or as socially evolved as these smelly guys with big guns, then they could keep the land that they had taken.
Well the end result was a lot of people coming up with reason why they, the Europeans, were superior beings of intelligence, and that out of the goodness of their heart they had decided to bestow this intelligence (with the help of big guns) on the poor people of the now certainly spherical world.
Anthropology was born.
