The summer is here. The days are far longer than the winter. It's perfect for doing all those outdoor jobs you've been planning throughout the winter (new fence, rockery, pond etc.). What happens?

Men don all white outfits (unless you are a county or nation player, at which point you try to get stylish and put on an assortment of colours), pick up a lump of willow and a sphere of leather and take turns at trying to hit the person at the other end of a stretch of grass in the head with the ball. Possibly one of the most boring sports ever thought up (I should know - I've scored enough matches), this quick-slow game is played around the world by men trying to get out of the house for hours on end at the weekend.

To take part in this devastatingly dull game one must be able to bat (i.e. hold the lump of willow and carefully direct the flight of the ball away from five sticks of wood, commonly called the wicket), bowl (throw the lump of leather wrapped cork at the batsman and see if you can either knock him out, hit his wicket, or force him to hit the ball into the air), or keep wicket (which does not mean you are responsible for taking the five sticks of wood home at the end, merely make sure they fall over or help them to fall over, or stop the ball going for miles after the bowler has lovingly tried to massacre the batsman).