The wheel is one of the most overlooked and least understood inventions in the history of the galaxy. Though widely regarded as "merely" a rounded sort of circular thingy, those who study it more closely will find themselves astounded by its hidden subtleties.

To better understand the wheel, let us delve far back into its rich history, specifically its history on the planet known as Earth. The wheel, agree most scholars, is the single most important invention in human history, besides perhaps the digital watch. The wheel was invented by the primitive ancestors of human known as "cavemen." Having already invented fire and the pointy stick, early inventors struggled to create unique inventions which would draw more attention, and perhaps, females, to themselves. After dabbling briefly in the merits of nuclear technology, the cavemen soon became bored and decided to go play with rocks for a while. At about this time, a depressed caveman known as Throg, the inventor of the surprisingly unpopular 8-track cassette player, found a large round boulder perched atop a small hill. After smearing himself with mud and worshipping the boulder for several days, he decided that it was indeed not a deity, as he had first thought. In frustration, he gave the boulder a hefty kick, managing to break three toes in the process. Thus, Throg unwillingly became the inventor of the wheel. Needless to say, the first public demonstration of the wheel was highly dramatic and rather messy.

Technology quickly advanced from this point as primitive scientists expanded into two-wheel, three-wheel, four-wheel, and square-wheel technology. The cavemen thought that the wheel was a pretty neat idea. This, of course, was before they had invented digital watches and television, which is another story entirely.

Eventually, cars came along. Alien researchers monitoring Earth's progress were rather surprised to see that the humans had single-handedly managed to invent something with which to render themselves extinct. The homocidal effects of vehicular travel were heightened, the researchers found, when mixed liberally with alcohol. The researchers amused themselves briefly by investing in car insurance, made vast fortunes, then grew bored and left.

The wheel comes in many varieties, though all of these can be classified in two groups. First, there are the "garden" wheels: car wheels, wagon wheels, cart wheels, airplane wheels, etc. The other, rather more unpopular type are the roulette wheels. Strangely, humans seem to enjoy these wheels much more than other wheels until they begin losing vast amounts of money. They then become more angry, quickly throwing away all of their money in hopes of getting back what was lost. They then leave in disgust, get into a good drunken stupor, and play another sort of roulette.

Thus, a brief history of the wheel, yet another insanely useful invention by the people who brought you such things as the towel and the paperclip.