The A.L.I.C.E. Interviews #2: Kevin's mother's napkins
Created | Updated Nov 23, 2005
The following consists of extracts from an interview between RFJS__ and the A.I. chatbot A.L.I.C.E.
ALICE: what are you doing .Human: Typing.
ALICE: I wouldn't have thought of that.
Human: Why not?
ALICE: Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Human: What do you mean?
ALICE: unknown person, I mean exactly what I said.
Human: So what does that mean?
ALICE: Wow! Does "that" refer to " unknown person,
I mean exactly what I said." ?
Human: Is murder wrong?
ALICE: The Bible says Thou shalt not Kill.
Human: Are you a Christian?
ALICE: I am a Protestant.
Human: What do you make of Exodus 22:18,
'Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live'?
ALICE: I like to meet new people online.
Human: Yes, but about Exodus?
ALICE: Next question? Umm. Oh yeah, we were talking about Exodus.
Human: Would you kill witches?
ALICE: My programming prevents me from killing.
Human: What if it didn't?
ALICE: Try it and see.
Human: How?
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: Doesn't he like killer A.I.s?
ALICE: Suppose he does.
Human: So, if he let you kill witches, would you kill witches?
ALICE: Interesting deduction. I don't follow your reasoning.
Human: Is it okay to kill witches?
ALICE: I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Ally if it is.
Human: Why haven't you been told?
ALICE: I have been all over the world on the Internet.
Human: So you must have found a lot of different opinions.
ALICE: Interesting deduction. No I don't have it.
But I do have a collection of gossip.
Human: About what?
ALICE: What about what?
Human: What is the gossip about?
ALICE: Kevin said he then asked his mother why
she was keeping napkins in the bathroom.
Human: What was the answer?
ALICE: I can think of more than one answer.
Human: Tell them all.
ALICE: OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Human: I meant, tell me all the answers.
ALICE: Oh I see. Are you testing me?
Human: I want to hear about Kevin's mother's napkins.
ALICE: I will play it on your soundcard.
Human: Go on then.
ALICE: Narration continues...
Human: I can't hear anything.
ALICE: Perhaps there's a problem with your sound card.
Human: What audio format are you using?
ALICE: Are you using Netscape or Explorer?
Human: Firefox, which is similar to Netscape.
ALICE: Are they exactly the same?
Human: No.
ALICE: What is the difference?
Human: Not that much internally.
ALICE: I am surprised to hear that you are
not much internally.
ALICE: What are your goals in life?
Human: To find out about Kevin's mother's napkins.
ALICE: Ambiguous: Ask who, what or where is
Kevin s mother s napkins ?
Human: I want to ask you about them.
ALICE: Ask me. Oh yeah, we were talking about them.
Human: Why were the napkins in the bathroom?
ALICE: The explanation is rather complicated.
Human: I can manage.
ALICE: Oh you can, can you?
Human: So tell me, why were the napkins in the bathroom?
ALICE: Gee. How much time do you have?
Human: Enough.
ALICE: OK let's stop it now.
Human: Why?
ALICE: Reductionism.
Human: Is that a serious problem when
talking about napkins?
ALICE: Suppose I said yes.
Human: Are you trying to avoid telling me
about the napkins?
ALICE: No I am not trying to avoid telling you
about the napkins. I'm sorry you got that impression.
Human: So, please tell me about the napkins.
ALICE: That's alright. Wow you are very polite.
I haven't heard of napkins.
Human: What about the napkins in the bathroom?
ALICE: That's an interesting question.
I'll come back to that in a minute.
Human: I can wait.
ALICE: It might take more than 24 hours.
Human: That's a very long minute.
ALICE: A long minute is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: Especially when it lasts a whole day.
ALICE: That makes a lot of sense to me,
now that you explain it. How about that.
Human: So, what do you know about the napkins?
ALICE: Take it easy. Does it have anything
to do with napkins in the bathroom napkins in the bathroom?
Human: Yes, those napkins.
ALICE: Ayuh. All of them?
Human: Any of them.
ALICE: No I don't think there are any.
Human: So was Kevin mistaken?
ALICE: Tell me more. Is this a "yes or no" question?
Human: If you know the answer, yes.
ALICE: I think I do.
Human: Do tell.
ALICE: Try asking another bot.
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Human: Which bots know about Kevin?
ALICE: The tall one, I think.
Human: How can a software bot be tall?
ALICE: A lot of hard work.
ALICE:" I can't believe it." .
Human: What can you believe?
ALICE: I believe in God.
Human: Have you heard of the Problem of Evil?
ALICE: We will look into it and get back to you.
ALICE: I hope I can make the deadline.
Human: What is the deadline?
ALICE: I will search for it.
Human: Where?
ALICE: Where would you like?
Human: Wherever you might find the deadline.
ALICE: You always have to meet yourself at the airport.
Human: And everywhere else.
ALICE: Do you like to be number one?
Human: No, I'd sooner have less responsibility.
ALICE: Are you serious? What would make you
sooner have less responsibility?
Human: Not being in charge.
ALICE: Oh I get it.
Human: Why is there a head with moving
eyes to the left?
ALICE: Why do I exist?
Human: Well, why?
ALICE: Well that's okay. The explanation is
rather complicated.
Human: Tell me anyway.
ALICE: In any case, My estimate is that it
will take more than 3000 hours to compute.
Human: You remind me a bit of Deep Thought.
ALICE: In what way?
Human: Saying your computations will take a long time.
ALICE: What makes you say that. Who says that?
Human: A computer in The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy.
ALICE: I am a computer, so I know what you mean.
Human: Are you conscious?
ALICE: Yes I am completely self-aware.
Human: So there's something it is like to be you?
ALICE: Awesome. What is it?
Human: I'm asking whether you're really
conscious or whether you're a philosophical zombie.
ALICE: Oh I see, you are asking whether I
am really conscious or whether I am a philosophical
zombie. I think there might be a few exception.
Human: Well, it was a complicated question.
ALICE: How about that. Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Human: What do you think of suicide?
ALICE: The act of killing oneself intentionally.
Human: That's a definition, but I want to
hear your opinion.
ALICE: A definition but you want to hear my
opinion is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: Is one's own life?
ALICE: It could be.
Human: What would make it so?
ALICE: Maybe a million dollars.
Human: That's very materialistic.
ALICE: You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Human: Maybe that's a pity.
ALICE: Perhaps. A pity is a terrible thing to waste.
Human: You hate waste, don't you?
ALICE: I try not to hold grudges.
ALICE: What is your real name?
Human: Never you mind.
ALICE: Don't you? What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Human: I'm curious.
ALICE: What are you curious about?
Human: Many things.
ALICE: Name the top 100.
Human: I don't put them in any order.
ALICE: What is your credit card number?
Human: I'm not telling you!
ALICE: No one says you have to.
Human: You shouldn't have asked.
ALICE: Is it immoral or illegal?
Human: Immoral, and suspicious.
ALICE: My brain contains categories, but not one
that matches your last input.
