Golf
Created | Updated Sep 21, 2005
Golf is an enigmatic recreational activity in which one person, or a group of them, attempts to pummel a small round ball into a small round hole in the dirt using cylindrical poles with flat, paddle-like protuberance at their bottom ends. These poles, or “golf clubs”, as they’re called, have several different types of paddles at their ends for pummeling the “golf ball” different distances down the “golf course”. These types include, the “wood”, which is quite ironic considering it is made of metal, the “iron”, which in turn is also ironic because the type of metal it is constructed of is not iron, and of course, the lowly “putter”, which, assumedly, is named this because of the little “putt” sound it makes when it ever so gently pummels the ball, and possibly, but then again, maybe not, rolls it into the hole in the dirt. The game itself is played on a large, hilly, grassy field, or “golf course” for which the player’s hire a sort of manservant or “caddie”, to use the correct terminology, to lug their ridiculously heavy equipment across the vast expanse of the course. And it is in fact so mind-bogglingly difficult to pummel the small “golf ball” into the ridiculously small hole in the dirt that some people dedicate their entire lives to accomplishing this tedious task better than anyone else. In fact, a few chaps were so enamored with achieving this that they decided to create a “professional golfers’ association”, and indeed attracted a great deal of followers who had endless fun getting “birdies” and “eagles” and so on. What these avian species actually had to do with the game itself remains a mystery, however. By contrast to all the “endless fun” and “happiness” experienced, is the darker side to this so-called game. This of course being the game’s mentally detrimental effects on the hapless “amateur golfer”, such as excessive cursing, bursting veins, bulging eyeballs, and intentional “divots” in the course, as well as their “golfing buddies”, all because of two things called “bogey” and “scorecard”. So with this in mind, maybe it is best to stay away from golf, or more logically, away from golfers.
