Onanism
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Onansim. The act of masturbation. A tremendously useful word, by simple virtue of the fact that so few people know what it means, thus enabling you to address people as onanists with little fear of reprisal. NB - care must be taken when doing this, however. Whilst working at Buckingham palace last year, i casually remarked to one customer that his inability to pick up a guide book in the correct language (in this case english) was 'because of all the onanism turning you blind, isn't that right sir?'. This was, as usual, greeted with a smile of blank incomprehension. Little was i to know that the over-zealous royalist, obviously a keen fan of the Reader's Digest and its 'Improve your word power' section, was about to go home, look up the word, and then write in in a fury to complain that a 'chopsy young man' (ie. me. What does 'chopsy' mean, by the way?) had called him a w****r. Many a true word is spoken in jest.
