The French Riviera - Idiosyncrasies
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
"Le 06" or the French Riviera idiosyncrasies for beginners
----------------------------------------------------------
What a strange conglomerate of glamorous visitors, wonderful sunshine, fascinating countryside, fabulous food.....combined with bad driving, bad tempers, greasy socca and streets harbouring dubious smells,...
For the short-term visitor, the Riviera can seem like a dream - glitz, stars and big cars, but after a while, one soon notices that the region has it idiosyncrasies like any other....
A brief guide to the places, faces and habits:
---------------------------------------------
A) People:
Les Locales Yokels
-------------------
You've just got to love those old guys who are in the cafes already at 7am, watching the world go by, sipping on their expresso before embarking on the first Pastis of the morning. The real locals never seem to age past about 75,...they just keep going, (possibly preserved by all that Pastis and red wine,) steaming up the hills with their baguettes under their arms, tape measures out - arguing over whose ball won in petanque, and waving their arms about at 'les Americanes/les Parisiens/les Touristes' who take up the parking spots and drive too slowly (i.e. under the speed limit - see "Driving".)
Noo-voh Riches (sp)
--------------------
Inhabit yachts, often British, and pay a small fortune for deliveries of Marmite and cans of John Smiths (generally purchased from the English supermarket in Antibes). Found in nearly all the English pubs of Antibes. Can be spotted by a yachtbroker at 100 paces.
Cannes Golden Oldies
--------------------
Cannes sometimes seems like one big retirement home. (see 'Doggie Poop'.)
Sophia Antipolitans
-------------------
Many visitors to the region don't realise that Europe's answer to Silicon Valley is situated just a few miles inland, and that local urban demographics are rapidly changing from the average resident living in a 'retirement home' to a 'villa inhabited by several young bachelors'. This is due to the constant influx of young IT & telecom experts flocking to work here. Antipolitans can be spotted in the villages behind the coast in Ben Sherman shirts at restaurants, talking about servers and stock options whilst tucking in to the 'plat de jour'.
B) Places:
Nice vs Cannes
--------------
A great rivalry exists between the local inhabitants of these two cities (actually, Cannes is more the size of a town, but increases in population so much during festivals and conventions that it becomes city-like. The Nicoise think that Cannes is stuck-up, boring and full of old people. Cannoise think Nice is big, dirty and dangerous, and full of louts ready to pounce on every corner. Of course this is
all an excuse to have a go at each other, and a bit pointless, as it's a bit like trying to compare Harrogate with Manchester.
Antibes - (Britville)
---------------------
Boasting several English pubs, shops, an English supermarket, a Hairdresser, a beauty salon and even a chippie, when you visit Antibes, you wonder why half of these people ever left the UK in the first place....but then there's the weather, I suppose.
Juan-Les-Pins - For your pink sandal needs.
--------------------------------------------
Juan-Les-Pins is a clubber and boutique-lover's paradise. The streets are lined with designer shops selling expensive skimpy rags and strappy high-heels in every colour of the (pastel) rainbow. The nighttime is full of light, sound and young, hip and trendy kids.
Fantastic place if you are under sixteen and have daddy's gold card to play with. Nice ice-cream.
Cannes - Film Festivals and Octogenarians - The Eastbourne of France
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannes is a town in a curious state of flux.
Half of the year, the town pootles along with a few tourists peeking in the windows of the main street (see below - 'Doggie Poop'), having a look through the antiques fair (Sundays - sea front & Mondays - market place) and having an expensive expresso whilst watching the world go by.
The other half of the year, the town is invaded by conference and festivalgoers. The film festival is only one of the many events that sees the streets swarming with bewildered-looking attendees who have large plastic-encased passes around their necks. The locals themselves include a significant senior generation, which explains all the poodles (see below again 'Doggie Poop') and some gawd-awful shoe shops on the high street.
The only cool and truly trendy place in Cannes is a small retro bar hidden away at the top of Le Suquet, called 'Twiggy'. That's where real Cannes is, not to mention non-expensive beer, and a nice line in S&M Barbies and a Ken in drag. Has to be seen to be believed.
Monaco - Brum Brum! - The Grand Prix etc...
------------------------------------------
Monaco - everybody is nice about Monaco. Well, actually, it is very nice. And safe. There are Cameras. Everywhere. In the streets, on the escalators, car parks, shops. Even in the lifts. Makes you feel safe if you're a young woman going home late at night but can leave visitors feeling a little paranoid. Okay, there is something enjoyably eccentric about this little place, and it certainly has a lot more glitz more than St. Trop. Grand prix, brum brum. Tickets? Not a chance unless you have lots of dosh, the right connections, or are willing to sit in a bush half way up the rock. Not so much nightlife. Fun local radio in English with eccentric DJs (gotta love 'em!). Small. 'Nuff said.
St Paul de Vence -okay yah!
---------------------------
York on a really steep hill. Hell for parking. Full of artists, 'artistes' and expensive art galleries full of bronzes of naked women for the discerning art critics, i.e. husbands who have been dragged their by culture hungry wives, ("now that's what I call art, darling!") A good place to slip and break a leg if it's raining.
St. Trop(ez)
------------
Small, bright and vewy, vewy posh. Full of boutiques that check your credit rating before you check the price tag. Night-clubs could be cool if the mere mortal could get in. Apart from shopping for haute couture and sitting on your yacht or at a cafe watching the world go by from under your big, black, chunky Chanel sun specs, it's a bit boring I suspect.
c) Pitfalls:
Bureaucracy (universal phenomenon in France)
--------------------------------------------
The wonderful thing about French bureaucracy is that it is completely unbiased. Whether you are a foreigner trying to get a residence permit, or a local trying to get paperwork in order before tying the knot, the worker at your local town hall (or Mairie) will look down their nose at you, ask several impertinent questions, umm, arr, and then send you away to bring several other bits of documentation in addition to the last seven bits she asked you to fetch the last time you were there. The French civil service worker knows that they hold the most powerful position in society, and will take care to remind you of it. If you need any official paperwork from the Mairie, make sure you have comfortable shoes (for the queuing) and don't make any appointments for the rest of the day. This applies especially to the Riviera, where everything and everyone shuts at about 12 for lunch, and opens up again whenever the hell they feel like it.
Driving
-------
Le 06 is famous (read: notorious) for this. Speed constrictions only apply to tourists and OAPs. You thought Italy or Belgium was bad, just come and see this lot. General philosophy is that the speed one drives should be inversely proportionate to the size of the car - and seeing that the vast majority of cars in 06 are Peugeots and Renaults barely big enough to seat the Nicoise boy racer at the wheel, one understands why the 'peage' (Toll motorway) is difficult tell apart from the Grand Prix track in Monaco.
Other forms of 06 transportational phenomena include:
The 'Leather Helmet' -
Scooter driver whose hair is shorn so short that they are under the impression that it doubles as a helmet - hence they don't need one. Drive like maniacs.
The 'White Van Driver' -
Universal phenomenon. Follows the same criteria as in the UK and everywhere else - don't mess with 'em.
The 'Police Municipal' -
Meet on roundabouts to compare kinky thigh-high leather boots and for a chat and to have fun pulling over young girls on scooters to 'check their licences'. Never been known to stop anyone for anything other than running a red or not wearing a seatbelt, which explains all the 'wiggly' driving seen on roads on a Saturday night.
'Parking' -
Otherwise known as abandoning your vehicle. Anywhere you like. Putting ones hazard flashers on in the 06 department gives one the automatic right to park wherever one wants, including on the pavement, in the taxi rank, in gateways etc etc.
Taxis -
If you have a deathwish, take a taxi late at night from the airport to anywhere via the motorway. You are sure to exceed the land speed record. Oh, and they cost a fortune.
Doggy Poop
-----------
Oh dear. Tourists quickly learn that whilst walking down the Rue D'Antibes (main shopping street) in Cannes, or similar areas in Nice, Antibes, and even St. Tropez, one takes ones eyes off the pavement to look in the shop windows at one's peril. An army of little French
doggies (and some not so little, by the looks of it) leave their wee calling cards every few square feet of flashy Riviera street like a series of miniature landmines.
This phenomenon seems to be primarily caused by little old ladies with small grey poodles and hairdos to match, hence the particularly bad problem in Cannes. Never bothering to ensure their pooches christen the gutter rather than the main street, some elderly Rivierans are very good at acting hard of hearing when pursued by someone demanding to see their pooper-scoopers. Due to some strange quirk of nature, the size of the average old biddy-coiffure is almost always inversely proportionate to the size of their pooch. Yes, there are lots of big fluffy hairdos and small fluffy dogs around here.
------------------------------------------------------------------
What is generally enjoyable about the Riviera is the fact that, despite it's glamourous reputation, the place is full of eccentric locals, general weirdness and odd going-ons. Otherwise, with all that wine, sea and sand, we'd just have to hate them all, now wouldn't we?
----------------------------------------------------------
What a strange conglomerate of glamorous visitors, wonderful sunshine, fascinating countryside, fabulous food.....combined with bad driving, bad tempers, greasy socca and streets harbouring dubious smells,...
For the short-term visitor, the Riviera can seem like a dream - glitz, stars and big cars, but after a while, one soon notices that the region has it idiosyncrasies like any other....
A brief guide to the places, faces and habits:
---------------------------------------------
A) People:
Les Locales Yokels
-------------------
You've just got to love those old guys who are in the cafes already at 7am, watching the world go by, sipping on their expresso before embarking on the first Pastis of the morning. The real locals never seem to age past about 75,...they just keep going, (possibly preserved by all that Pastis and red wine,) steaming up the hills with their baguettes under their arms, tape measures out - arguing over whose ball won in petanque, and waving their arms about at 'les Americanes/les Parisiens/les Touristes' who take up the parking spots and drive too slowly (i.e. under the speed limit - see "Driving".)
Noo-voh Riches (sp)
--------------------
Inhabit yachts, often British, and pay a small fortune for deliveries of Marmite and cans of John Smiths (generally purchased from the English supermarket in Antibes). Found in nearly all the English pubs of Antibes. Can be spotted by a yachtbroker at 100 paces.
Cannes Golden Oldies
--------------------
Cannes sometimes seems like one big retirement home. (see 'Doggie Poop'.)
Sophia Antipolitans
-------------------
Many visitors to the region don't realise that Europe's answer to Silicon Valley is situated just a few miles inland, and that local urban demographics are rapidly changing from the average resident living in a 'retirement home' to a 'villa inhabited by several young bachelors'. This is due to the constant influx of young IT & telecom experts flocking to work here. Antipolitans can be spotted in the villages behind the coast in Ben Sherman shirts at restaurants, talking about servers and stock options whilst tucking in to the 'plat de jour'.
B) Places:
Nice vs Cannes
--------------
A great rivalry exists between the local inhabitants of these two cities (actually, Cannes is more the size of a town, but increases in population so much during festivals and conventions that it becomes city-like. The Nicoise think that Cannes is stuck-up, boring and full of old people. Cannoise think Nice is big, dirty and dangerous, and full of louts ready to pounce on every corner. Of course this is
all an excuse to have a go at each other, and a bit pointless, as it's a bit like trying to compare Harrogate with Manchester.
Antibes - (Britville)
---------------------
Boasting several English pubs, shops, an English supermarket, a Hairdresser, a beauty salon and even a chippie, when you visit Antibes, you wonder why half of these people ever left the UK in the first place....but then there's the weather, I suppose.
Juan-Les-Pins - For your pink sandal needs.
--------------------------------------------
Juan-Les-Pins is a clubber and boutique-lover's paradise. The streets are lined with designer shops selling expensive skimpy rags and strappy high-heels in every colour of the (pastel) rainbow. The nighttime is full of light, sound and young, hip and trendy kids.
Fantastic place if you are under sixteen and have daddy's gold card to play with. Nice ice-cream.
Cannes - Film Festivals and Octogenarians - The Eastbourne of France
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Cannes is a town in a curious state of flux.
Half of the year, the town pootles along with a few tourists peeking in the windows of the main street (see below - 'Doggie Poop'), having a look through the antiques fair (Sundays - sea front & Mondays - market place) and having an expensive expresso whilst watching the world go by.
The other half of the year, the town is invaded by conference and festivalgoers. The film festival is only one of the many events that sees the streets swarming with bewildered-looking attendees who have large plastic-encased passes around their necks. The locals themselves include a significant senior generation, which explains all the poodles (see below again 'Doggie Poop') and some gawd-awful shoe shops on the high street.
The only cool and truly trendy place in Cannes is a small retro bar hidden away at the top of Le Suquet, called 'Twiggy'. That's where real Cannes is, not to mention non-expensive beer, and a nice line in S&M Barbies and a Ken in drag. Has to be seen to be believed.
Monaco - Brum Brum! - The Grand Prix etc...
------------------------------------------
Monaco - everybody is nice about Monaco. Well, actually, it is very nice. And safe. There are Cameras. Everywhere. In the streets, on the escalators, car parks, shops. Even in the lifts. Makes you feel safe if you're a young woman going home late at night but can leave visitors feeling a little paranoid. Okay, there is something enjoyably eccentric about this little place, and it certainly has a lot more glitz more than St. Trop. Grand prix, brum brum. Tickets? Not a chance unless you have lots of dosh, the right connections, or are willing to sit in a bush half way up the rock. Not so much nightlife. Fun local radio in English with eccentric DJs (gotta love 'em!). Small. 'Nuff said.
St Paul de Vence -okay yah!
---------------------------
York on a really steep hill. Hell for parking. Full of artists, 'artistes' and expensive art galleries full of bronzes of naked women for the discerning art critics, i.e. husbands who have been dragged their by culture hungry wives, ("now that's what I call art, darling!") A good place to slip and break a leg if it's raining.
St. Trop(ez)
------------
Small, bright and vewy, vewy posh. Full of boutiques that check your credit rating before you check the price tag. Night-clubs could be cool if the mere mortal could get in. Apart from shopping for haute couture and sitting on your yacht or at a cafe watching the world go by from under your big, black, chunky Chanel sun specs, it's a bit boring I suspect.
c) Pitfalls:
Bureaucracy (universal phenomenon in France)
--------------------------------------------
The wonderful thing about French bureaucracy is that it is completely unbiased. Whether you are a foreigner trying to get a residence permit, or a local trying to get paperwork in order before tying the knot, the worker at your local town hall (or Mairie) will look down their nose at you, ask several impertinent questions, umm, arr, and then send you away to bring several other bits of documentation in addition to the last seven bits she asked you to fetch the last time you were there. The French civil service worker knows that they hold the most powerful position in society, and will take care to remind you of it. If you need any official paperwork from the Mairie, make sure you have comfortable shoes (for the queuing) and don't make any appointments for the rest of the day. This applies especially to the Riviera, where everything and everyone shuts at about 12 for lunch, and opens up again whenever the hell they feel like it.
Driving
-------
Le 06 is famous (read: notorious) for this. Speed constrictions only apply to tourists and OAPs. You thought Italy or Belgium was bad, just come and see this lot. General philosophy is that the speed one drives should be inversely proportionate to the size of the car - and seeing that the vast majority of cars in 06 are Peugeots and Renaults barely big enough to seat the Nicoise boy racer at the wheel, one understands why the 'peage' (Toll motorway) is difficult tell apart from the Grand Prix track in Monaco.
Other forms of 06 transportational phenomena include:
The 'Leather Helmet' -
Scooter driver whose hair is shorn so short that they are under the impression that it doubles as a helmet - hence they don't need one. Drive like maniacs.
The 'White Van Driver' -
Universal phenomenon. Follows the same criteria as in the UK and everywhere else - don't mess with 'em.
The 'Police Municipal' -
Meet on roundabouts to compare kinky thigh-high leather boots and for a chat and to have fun pulling over young girls on scooters to 'check their licences'. Never been known to stop anyone for anything other than running a red or not wearing a seatbelt, which explains all the 'wiggly' driving seen on roads on a Saturday night.
'Parking' -
Otherwise known as abandoning your vehicle. Anywhere you like. Putting ones hazard flashers on in the 06 department gives one the automatic right to park wherever one wants, including on the pavement, in the taxi rank, in gateways etc etc.
Taxis -
If you have a deathwish, take a taxi late at night from the airport to anywhere via the motorway. You are sure to exceed the land speed record. Oh, and they cost a fortune.
Doggy Poop
-----------
Oh dear. Tourists quickly learn that whilst walking down the Rue D'Antibes (main shopping street) in Cannes, or similar areas in Nice, Antibes, and even St. Tropez, one takes ones eyes off the pavement to look in the shop windows at one's peril. An army of little French
doggies (and some not so little, by the looks of it) leave their wee calling cards every few square feet of flashy Riviera street like a series of miniature landmines.
This phenomenon seems to be primarily caused by little old ladies with small grey poodles and hairdos to match, hence the particularly bad problem in Cannes. Never bothering to ensure their pooches christen the gutter rather than the main street, some elderly Rivierans are very good at acting hard of hearing when pursued by someone demanding to see their pooper-scoopers. Due to some strange quirk of nature, the size of the average old biddy-coiffure is almost always inversely proportionate to the size of their pooch. Yes, there are lots of big fluffy hairdos and small fluffy dogs around here.
------------------------------------------------------------------
What is generally enjoyable about the Riviera is the fact that, despite it's glamourous reputation, the place is full of eccentric locals, general weirdness and odd going-ons. Otherwise, with all that wine, sea and sand, we'd just have to hate them all, now wouldn't we?
