Insomnia - cures - then again maby not
Created | Updated Oct 2, 2003
The room is crammed full of bleary-eyed people, men and women of all ages and backgrounds, all sit on chairs in a circle, one stands wipes down her trousers and looks around the circle, takes a gulp of air and step forwards to say...
"My name is Yashya, and I'm an insomniac."
If only it was as easy as that, Insomniacs anonymous, then maybe I wouldn't be up at 6am and expecting to see the rest of the day through with the same face as I saw through the past day, with out the usual break of blissful sleep in the middle
The second problem with insomnia, the first being the lack of sleep, is that the moment you mention the fact you can't sleep to your friends family and associates, every single one of them offers you their great granny's no fail cure. And that is exactly my grievance. NO FAIL CURE ALL. Hmmm where do you want me to start?
The first cure to insomnia was the hot milky drink. There is medial theory behind this, I know for the nurse told me, but I won't profess to know what it is, something about lactose. This is all well and good, and may actually work for the lactose tolerant among you. I'm not and the rice milk I have just isn't the same. So the first cure I was offered was a bit of a no brainer on my behalf.
Cure one point five is the hot milk and whiskey variant. Again the wonderful culinary delights of warm squished rice and whiskey just didn’t appeal, and beside the benefits of drunken sleep are not as many as they seem, but we'll come to that later.
Cure all number two was the lavender pillow. You take some lavender, dried preferably, and make a small pillowcase and stuff with wadding and said lavender. Put this next to your head at night and the relaxing effect of the lavender will gently drift you off to sweet dreams. This method is also known as the dream pillow. My sewing skills are not that great, and any skill decreases greatly when you've been awake for thirty-six hours. So said lavender pillow split during the night and I got up to a bed full of lavender bits and stuffing. And it doesn't come out of your hair for AGES.
Cure all number three, and this is the best, try not to fall asleep. "When I always try to stay awake, I always fall asleep, that's what you should do, it'll really work!" some one will always suggest this and well, it obvious why it doesn't work. I try and stay awake and low and behold I do. For hours, days, without fail, but with great irritation. This will always be suggested by the person you know with the highest grade score in everything, proof that wisdom does not come hand in hand with education.
Number Four. Alcohol. This is not as fun as it first may sound. Trust me. Think back, right back to the best/worst night out. That night you only recall events via the local constabulary. The night where your local area newspaper reported events with more detail than you and your drinking buddies can remeber. That night where, for weeks after, the woman form the local chippy, the one with the squint and the peg leg, called you big boy and you have no idea why. Now I bet you can remember that nights sleep, or rather the toilet bowl, in minute detail. Don't you? Yes. Well this is why large quantities of beer are not good for the insomniac, you may feel sleepy but the sleep you do get is fitful, to say the least. Oh and as Shakespeare said, "it proveth the urge but removes the will" he was talking about sex, but it sort of applies to sleep to.
Five is the Exhaustion method. It's all in the name really. Sooner or later you've gotta drop. Just spend about three hours in the gym without having your latte in the morning and the odds are in favour you'll drop down by the end of the day. But you'll feel just as crappy in the morning. And it's not going to be something you can do everyday.
The medical cure, is proper sleep habits, or the wonderful term of "sleep hygiene." It's not as gross as it sounds. But it is as infuriating as it could possibly be. The first rule of this is go to bed at a regular time and get up at a regular time. Fine gotcha. Two, if you don't go to sleep within an hour, get up do something brain less, and then go back to bed. Three, only sleep in bed. These two are the hardest, get up and do something after an hour, well that just involves trecks to and from bed every hour or so, possibly they're going for the exhaustion method on this rule, just hope you drop when you're at the bed end of the journey. And only sleep in bed? Hands up who only sleeps in bed. Hmm, just as I thought, very few indeed. And those who do only sleep in bed, I congratulate on their sex life, very experimental! The next rule involves relaxing, leaving all your worries else where, and not talking them into the bedroom. This rule isn't hard for an insomniac; you have no worries because you can't think because you can't sleep. This is especially the case when three days of awakedness and you can't even remember the day of the week, get to four or five days and you can't even remeber your own name, let alone any worries you have.
There are other cures out there, but to me they're like that elusive alien who keeps abducting people. Thousands swear it's happened to them, it just lacks the physical proof, or two people to agree on the events that happened. I suppose I'll just have to go on the way I am. Awake, ratty and with friends who fear to call me in case I am actually asleep and they'll wake me up.
Oh, and if any one mentions fight club, and Tyler Durden, I'll kill them. I swear it. Just as soon as I can work up the energy.
Yashya
"My name is Yashya, and I'm an insomniac."
If only it was as easy as that, Insomniacs anonymous, then maybe I wouldn't be up at 6am and expecting to see the rest of the day through with the same face as I saw through the past day, with out the usual break of blissful sleep in the middle
The second problem with insomnia, the first being the lack of sleep, is that the moment you mention the fact you can't sleep to your friends family and associates, every single one of them offers you their great granny's no fail cure. And that is exactly my grievance. NO FAIL CURE ALL. Hmmm where do you want me to start?
The first cure to insomnia was the hot milky drink. There is medial theory behind this, I know for the nurse told me, but I won't profess to know what it is, something about lactose. This is all well and good, and may actually work for the lactose tolerant among you. I'm not and the rice milk I have just isn't the same. So the first cure I was offered was a bit of a no brainer on my behalf.
Cure one point five is the hot milk and whiskey variant. Again the wonderful culinary delights of warm squished rice and whiskey just didn’t appeal, and beside the benefits of drunken sleep are not as many as they seem, but we'll come to that later.
Cure all number two was the lavender pillow. You take some lavender, dried preferably, and make a small pillowcase and stuff with wadding and said lavender. Put this next to your head at night and the relaxing effect of the lavender will gently drift you off to sweet dreams. This method is also known as the dream pillow. My sewing skills are not that great, and any skill decreases greatly when you've been awake for thirty-six hours. So said lavender pillow split during the night and I got up to a bed full of lavender bits and stuffing. And it doesn't come out of your hair for AGES.
Cure all number three, and this is the best, try not to fall asleep. "When I always try to stay awake, I always fall asleep, that's what you should do, it'll really work!" some one will always suggest this and well, it obvious why it doesn't work. I try and stay awake and low and behold I do. For hours, days, without fail, but with great irritation. This will always be suggested by the person you know with the highest grade score in everything, proof that wisdom does not come hand in hand with education.
Number Four. Alcohol. This is not as fun as it first may sound. Trust me. Think back, right back to the best/worst night out. That night you only recall events via the local constabulary. The night where your local area newspaper reported events with more detail than you and your drinking buddies can remeber. That night where, for weeks after, the woman form the local chippy, the one with the squint and the peg leg, called you big boy and you have no idea why. Now I bet you can remember that nights sleep, or rather the toilet bowl, in minute detail. Don't you? Yes. Well this is why large quantities of beer are not good for the insomniac, you may feel sleepy but the sleep you do get is fitful, to say the least. Oh and as Shakespeare said, "it proveth the urge but removes the will" he was talking about sex, but it sort of applies to sleep to.
Five is the Exhaustion method. It's all in the name really. Sooner or later you've gotta drop. Just spend about three hours in the gym without having your latte in the morning and the odds are in favour you'll drop down by the end of the day. But you'll feel just as crappy in the morning. And it's not going to be something you can do everyday.
The medical cure, is proper sleep habits, or the wonderful term of "sleep hygiene." It's not as gross as it sounds. But it is as infuriating as it could possibly be. The first rule of this is go to bed at a regular time and get up at a regular time. Fine gotcha. Two, if you don't go to sleep within an hour, get up do something brain less, and then go back to bed. Three, only sleep in bed. These two are the hardest, get up and do something after an hour, well that just involves trecks to and from bed every hour or so, possibly they're going for the exhaustion method on this rule, just hope you drop when you're at the bed end of the journey. And only sleep in bed? Hands up who only sleeps in bed. Hmm, just as I thought, very few indeed. And those who do only sleep in bed, I congratulate on their sex life, very experimental! The next rule involves relaxing, leaving all your worries else where, and not talking them into the bedroom. This rule isn't hard for an insomniac; you have no worries because you can't think because you can't sleep. This is especially the case when three days of awakedness and you can't even remember the day of the week, get to four or five days and you can't even remeber your own name, let alone any worries you have.
There are other cures out there, but to me they're like that elusive alien who keeps abducting people. Thousands swear it's happened to them, it just lacks the physical proof, or two people to agree on the events that happened. I suppose I'll just have to go on the way I am. Awake, ratty and with friends who fear to call me in case I am actually asleep and they'll wake me up.
Oh, and if any one mentions fight club, and Tyler Durden, I'll kill them. I swear it. Just as soon as I can work up the energy.
Yashya
