Holding Hands
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Holding hands is the act of two people, usually involved in some sort of relationship1, placing one or both of their hands in, on, or around the hands of each other. Generally, this is done as a show of affection, but can also be done to warm hands, take a pulse, or to play a rousing game of "thumb wrestling".
However, the holding of hands is usually done when couples are walking or sitting next to each other during romantic moments, when policticians are trying to solicit votes, or as a more socially acceptable leash for small children. In many religious institutions, is used to signify unity and friendliness in the community, and during most marriage ceremonies, the husband will hold the bride's hand when sliding on the wedding band onto one of her fingers(and vice-versa). In any event, the holding of hands is an old human custom that shows little sign of going away, much like the sticky candy residue left by the hand of the aformentioned child.
Styles:
"Woven" Fingers:
This technique involves "weaving" the fingers of a hand together. This is usually done by placing one hand from each partner together with palms touching, with the fingers pointing in the same direction. Then, the fingers are curled down around the hand of the other, alternating between a finger of one partner and the finger of another.
However, if one partners fingers are much larger then the other's, it can be very uncomfortable for the person with the smaller fingers if their large-fingered partner slides their fingers all the way down the between-finger gap2. Instead, relaxing the fingers, and sliding the larger hand "up" a bit (so that the base of the palm is closer to the base of the fingers) helps keep the large fingers from splitting apart the other's hand.
An alternate method is to place the palm of one hand against the back of the partner's hand, then weave the fingers together like above.
"Wrapped" Fingers:
This technique is similar to the woven technique above, however, instead of lining up the fingers and weaving them together, the hands are turned about 90 degrees away from alignment. The fingers are then wrapped around the hand of the other, similar to how one would hold a glass of water3. This technique can also be done with the palm placed upon the back of the partners hand.
This wrapped finger technique is a better method of holding hands to avoid the painful problem of large hands described above, as well as the way hands are held during arm-wrestling. It is also useful when the passenger in a car is holding hands with the driver, and the driver needs to retain access to a stick-shift, though caution in this case is recommended.
Advanced Techniques:
Two-Handed:
Two-handed hand holding can either be done mutually, with both hands of each partner involved, or with one persons hands wrapped around a single hand of the other. In the four-handed case, the hands are either alternating between partners4, or with one person's hands wrapped around the hands of the other. In any event, two handed holding is usually done when the two people are standing or sitting opposite each other, and the hands usually assume a position similar to that of some types of prayer. To do this, the hands are generally placed palms together, fingers aligned, but not wrapped or woven.
Finger/Thumb Movement:
While holding hands in and of itself can be a very enjoyable experiance, by moving one's fingers a bit, it's possible to heighten the experiance, possibly up to the point of reaching foreplay. One way of doing this is to rub your partners hand with your finger tips (usually best suited for wrapped-finger hand holding), or by sliding the tip/side of your thumb across their hand (works well with both methods). This gentle rubbing can be done either constantly, or as an occasional signal to your partner to let them know that you haven't forgotten how keenly you're enjoying the hand-holding experiance. It's also a good way to help the circulation of blood during marathon hand-holding sessions.
Hand Squeezing:
Somewhat similar to the finger rubbing described above, hand squeezing is another way of making your partner aware that you are indeed holding their hand, and that, more likely than not, you're enjoying the physical exsperiance. It's important that when doing a hand squeeze, it's a *gentle* hand squeeze. You are not trying to crush your partners hand5. Excessive squeezing pressure can be especially painful if the fingers are woven together. The squeeze should be gentle and slow, and be done every once in awhile to spice things up, though it can also be used as a form of silent communication if done hidden from the view of others.
Additional Notes:
Hand Sweat:
While not a terribly enticing topic, it's a common occurance, especially during extended hand-holding sessions, that one or both partners hands will begin to sweat. In this situation, either use a towel to dry your hands off and resume the holding, or else using a single-hand method and switching between using one hand then the other.
Initiating a Hand-Holding Session:
So, how do you know when to hold hands with someone? The most socially acceptable signal to give and recieve is to simply "offer" your hand by holding it out, usually with the four fingers pointed more or less at the other person, and the palm facing up.
For the less discreet, it's possible to simply take the other person's hand into your own, and hope for the best. However, this may scare off the holdee, causing them to withdraw their hand.
For the timid, simply making your hand accessible can be a good way to show interest in a hand-holding session. This can be done when walking next to the person of interest, and "accidently" bumping their hand when your arms swing by each other. When sitting, simply placing your hand near or against their hand sends the message of "I'm interested if you are". In either case, with luck, the other person will take your hand into their's.
1Usually close friends or people who are dating or married2If your partner writhes in pain, or you hear bones and tendons snapping, odds are they aren't enjoying holding hands as much as you would hope.3Or preferably, a nice tall pint of Guinness.4Imagine shuffling a deck of four cards5That is, unless your in a competive setting, such as arm/thumb wrestling
