Old Balwynians F.C.

1 Conversation

This Is
Balwyniti Park
Home Of
The Old Balwynians F.C.

PATRON : His Majesty King Cthulhu


MANAGER : Mickey Thomas' Right Foot

MAJOR SPONSOR : Lady Elly's Ice Cream Stands

KIT WASHER : Royal Butler Thruthelthrolth



Welcome to Balwyniti Park.
We hope you enjoy the wonderful facilities we have here.
Please feel free to take your seat in any of the four grand stands;


The LUTHERINGTON MAJOR stand behind the goal to the west,


The ICE CREAM STAND stand behind the goal to the east,1


The NORTH CTHULHU stand along the north of the pitch (affords the best views of the game)


The PICNIC EMBANKMENT FAMILY STAND along the south of the pitch. Behind which stands the newly erected Farquart-Badminton-Squash statue in memory of the Colonel Quentin and Agabeth Farquart-Badminton-Squash. 3



A Balwyniti Football Association Team has 22 players - 11 attack and 11 defence.

Rear Basket Keeper

Right Stop Back Forward Thrower    Central Stop Back    Left Stop Back Forward

Outside Inside Right                  Outside Inside Left

  Inside Outside Right      Inside Outside Left  

Right Half Wing Defensive Rover            Left Half Wing Defensive Rover

Wandering Central Wanderer

Forward Full Thruster

Right Front Planter                  Left Front Planter

Center Quarter Persuader

Right Sweeping Generaliser                  Left Sweeping Generaliser

Right Half Wing Offensive Line Rover               Left Half Wing Offensive Line Rover

Really Really Wide Out Right Centre                    Really Really Wide Out Left Centre

Middle Forceful Delivery


The game is played on an oval pitch 100 yards at its longest points.

The idea of the game is to punch or kick the ball into the opponents' small basket-like goal to score 3 points.
A point can be scored by placing the ball into a fishing net behind the opponents' smiley - oj stand ... or by throwing it to a designated member of the opposition and convincing them by astute philosophical debate that, really, they *wanted* to catch the ball.



The ancient rule-book is currently being transcribed, but anyone who can remember any of the rules of this fine and noble game are welcome to refresh our memories.


We are currently recruiting players for the Old Balwynians. Please leave your name here if you wish to be considered for selection.
1The Ice Cream Stand stand was previously named the Farquart-Badminton-Squash stand before the great smiley - oj and smiley - cake scandal.22See the I've just discovered...  thread3See the I've just discovered...  thread

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