Airline food is the single most repulsive form of cuisine ever invented. Original used as a form of torture, it has since been honed into a fine art of intestinal abuse. Typically comes wrapped in plastic, as do in flight magazines. Here is a typical menu from a long haul flight. The calculated calorie content of the menu is slightly less than the magazine.

Soup - Cream of Green. Not having any identifyable taste, it can only be refered to by its colour. Possibly made from failed genetic engineering experiments.

Main course - Also Ran. Crumbly steak, boiled for 19 days and served in a water sauce. Previously seen coming last in the Grand National. Served with a knob of green and black grot and a mound of grey stuff.

Dessert - Apple Sawdust. Mushy yellow-brown slimy stuff, topped with baked sawdust and burnt sucrose.

Hard white thing and congealed dairy fat.

Mug of black grit.