Chemistry
Created | Updated Apr 12, 2002
When a man and woman … no, I’m not talking about that kind of chemistry and I’m not talking about the kind of chemists you go to for something for the weekend, well actually we do that too, but I digress.
I’m a chemist. You’re probably thinking: old man with crazy hair in a white coat who mixes nasty bubbling green things together that give off white smoke while sinister organ music plays in the background. And you’d be right, except for the old part, the nasty green stuff, the smoke, the organ music and the hair if I ever get round to having it cut. We’re not all men in white coats either – we’ve got women in white coats, men and women out of white coats and a guy called Dave who used to have a white coat but has since made it orange, green and full of holes by spilling things on it.
So, what do chemists do? We make things like medicines, paints and plastics. We study things like what makes chemicals react and what makes them react faster, and we measure things like how much ozone there isn’t over the South Pole and how many hydrogen atoms there are in a chocolate button.
I’m working on speedy organic chemistry – trying to make stable groups react quickly by putting something for them to react with right next door. Let me rephrase: I make molecules that are designed to fall to pieces. And the better designed they are, the quicker they fall apart, so a really top molecule will have fallen to bits before I’ve had the chance to work out whether or not I've made it.
What do we do for kicks? Play football. I apologise for that pun, but I just couldn’t resist. Same as everyone else really, especially when it comes to emptying into the pub on a Friday afternoon … um, I mean evening … very late, after work. I hope my boss isn’t reading this. Of course, we have some fun stuff to play with that you just don’t get in other jobs. Just come to one of our open days; I can promise you green slime, whatever comes to hand frozen in liquid nitrogen and the usual pyrotechnics – a few small explosions to show you how they get the colours into fireworks. It’s quite safe I promise you and has almost always been tried the night before (which means you should be very careful about coming on a Saturday). Here’s something you can try at home:
DISCLAIMER – any loss of life, limb or pocket-money arising from trying these experiments is entirely your own problem. I am a trained professional and nobody really cares if I blow myself to kingdom come (unless I make a mess or break one of the billion and one safety rules we have to keep the roof on the building). Kids, get an adult to help you. Adults, get a twelve year old to explain the science to you. It’s probably better not to do this yourself, but if you get in touch then I’ll come round your house and demonstrate.
Recipe for a vat of bubbling green stuff just like on the Muppet Show:
1 glass of water
some green food-colouring
as much dry ice (solid carbon dioxide) as you can lay your hands on
Make the water a nice shade of green with the food colouring. Warm it up a bit if you’re feeling brave and drop the dry ice in. For a really cool twist, add a good squeeze of washing up liquid before the dry ice. (You’d probably want to do that in somebody else’s kitchen and use a sinkful of water instead of a glass).
What do you mean you can’t get hold of dry ice? We’ve got tons of the stuff. It’s coming out of our ears. Well, not actually out of ears because it’s very cold and hard and would probably hurt a lot, but you know what I mean. OK, here’s something you can do, but please be careful because it fizzes a bit and you don’t want vinegar splashing everywhere.
Recipe for making carbon dioxide:
bicarbonate of soda (baking soda or baking powder)
vinegar (or lemon juice, or citric acid to mix with the baking soda
and water to drip onto it if you want to be really clever)
Put a teaspoonful (start small!) of baking soda onto a saucer and drip vinegar onto it. That’s all, it fizzes in a really satisfying manner and gives off carbon dioxide.. So what? Well, if you want to be really clever then you should collect the carbon dioxide and do something with it, but I’m not going to tell you what or how because I don’t want to be responsible for you exploding an industrial carton of baking soda or setting fire to your house with a candle you were trying to put out with carbon dioxide. Was that the cat leaving the bag?
Congratulations, you are now a chemist and have successfully carried out the reaction NaHCO3 + HOAc => NaOAc + H2O + CO2
[OAc is chemical shorthand for acetate, not what you’d find on the periodic table]
I’m a chemist. You’re probably thinking: old man with crazy hair in a white coat who mixes nasty bubbling green things together that give off white smoke while sinister organ music plays in the background. And you’d be right, except for the old part, the nasty green stuff, the smoke, the organ music and the hair if I ever get round to having it cut. We’re not all men in white coats either – we’ve got women in white coats, men and women out of white coats and a guy called Dave who used to have a white coat but has since made it orange, green and full of holes by spilling things on it.
So, what do chemists do? We make things like medicines, paints and plastics. We study things like what makes chemicals react and what makes them react faster, and we measure things like how much ozone there isn’t over the South Pole and how many hydrogen atoms there are in a chocolate button.
I’m working on speedy organic chemistry – trying to make stable groups react quickly by putting something for them to react with right next door. Let me rephrase: I make molecules that are designed to fall to pieces. And the better designed they are, the quicker they fall apart, so a really top molecule will have fallen to bits before I’ve had the chance to work out whether or not I've made it.
What do we do for kicks? Play football. I apologise for that pun, but I just couldn’t resist. Same as everyone else really, especially when it comes to emptying into the pub on a Friday afternoon … um, I mean evening … very late, after work. I hope my boss isn’t reading this. Of course, we have some fun stuff to play with that you just don’t get in other jobs. Just come to one of our open days; I can promise you green slime, whatever comes to hand frozen in liquid nitrogen and the usual pyrotechnics – a few small explosions to show you how they get the colours into fireworks. It’s quite safe I promise you and has almost always been tried the night before (which means you should be very careful about coming on a Saturday). Here’s something you can try at home:
DISCLAIMER – any loss of life, limb or pocket-money arising from trying these experiments is entirely your own problem. I am a trained professional and nobody really cares if I blow myself to kingdom come (unless I make a mess or break one of the billion and one safety rules we have to keep the roof on the building). Kids, get an adult to help you. Adults, get a twelve year old to explain the science to you. It’s probably better not to do this yourself, but if you get in touch then I’ll come round your house and demonstrate.
Recipe for a vat of bubbling green stuff just like on the Muppet Show:
1 glass of water
some green food-colouring
as much dry ice (solid carbon dioxide) as you can lay your hands on
Make the water a nice shade of green with the food colouring. Warm it up a bit if you’re feeling brave and drop the dry ice in. For a really cool twist, add a good squeeze of washing up liquid before the dry ice. (You’d probably want to do that in somebody else’s kitchen and use a sinkful of water instead of a glass).
What do you mean you can’t get hold of dry ice? We’ve got tons of the stuff. It’s coming out of our ears. Well, not actually out of ears because it’s very cold and hard and would probably hurt a lot, but you know what I mean. OK, here’s something you can do, but please be careful because it fizzes a bit and you don’t want vinegar splashing everywhere.
Recipe for making carbon dioxide:
bicarbonate of soda (baking soda or baking powder)
vinegar (or lemon juice, or citric acid to mix with the baking soda
and water to drip onto it if you want to be really clever)
Put a teaspoonful (start small!) of baking soda onto a saucer and drip vinegar onto it. That’s all, it fizzes in a really satisfying manner and gives off carbon dioxide.. So what? Well, if you want to be really clever then you should collect the carbon dioxide and do something with it, but I’m not going to tell you what or how because I don’t want to be responsible for you exploding an industrial carton of baking soda or setting fire to your house with a candle you were trying to put out with carbon dioxide. Was that the cat leaving the bag?
Congratulations, you are now a chemist and have successfully carried out the reaction NaHCO3 + HOAc => NaOAc + H2O + CO2
[OAc is chemical shorthand for acetate, not what you’d find on the periodic table]
