Guilderland, New York
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
A suburb of Albany (New York's capital, for all who think it's NYC,) Guilderland is a town of about 30,000 people. It is most noted for Crossgates Mall, the second-largest in New York State, and beyond that, a near-total lack of things to do (see "Crossgates Mall," also by Marik.) It is assumed that if a Guilderland resident can stay sane on weekends , it is because they have found someone who has had a party to compensate for the utter boredom permeating the rest of the town at large. They will probably not remember said party nor how they ended up at their place of residence early on Sunday morning, however, they will not notice just how boring Guilderland is because they will be recovering.
Despite the lack of things to do in the town itself, Guiilderland is conveniently located near the cities of Albany (which contains both Mother Earth's Cafe and Gillian's) and Schenectady (which contains massive amounts of gang violence... see "Schenectady," also by Marik,) and, although a bit further away than the last two, the city of Saratoga Springs. All three offer diversions for the average Guilderland resident who is utterly bored with his home town and cannot find a party at which to forget it all.
Guilderland also is home to Guilderland High School, home of the Dutchmen. Except in the areas of cross-country and soccer (See "Guilderland Cross Country," also by Marik,) Guilderland's sports teams leave much to be desired. Up until October 20, 2000, the varsity football team had not won a single game since September 23, 1999. It is theorized that the football team does so abysmally badly because they have not found enough parties to compensate for Guilderland's inherent boredom factor.
If you are planning to come to Guilderland, I recommend staying somewhere else. If you manage to retain your sanity for even a week, you will be among a very elite, very small group of people, that is, of course, unless you can find enough parties.
~Contributed by Marik, the Ankhman~
Despite the lack of things to do in the town itself, Guiilderland is conveniently located near the cities of Albany (which contains both Mother Earth's Cafe and Gillian's) and Schenectady (which contains massive amounts of gang violence... see "Schenectady," also by Marik,) and, although a bit further away than the last two, the city of Saratoga Springs. All three offer diversions for the average Guilderland resident who is utterly bored with his home town and cannot find a party at which to forget it all.
Guilderland also is home to Guilderland High School, home of the Dutchmen. Except in the areas of cross-country and soccer (See "Guilderland Cross Country," also by Marik,) Guilderland's sports teams leave much to be desired. Up until October 20, 2000, the varsity football team had not won a single game since September 23, 1999. It is theorized that the football team does so abysmally badly because they have not found enough parties to compensate for Guilderland's inherent boredom factor.
If you are planning to come to Guilderland, I recommend staying somewhere else. If you manage to retain your sanity for even a week, you will be among a very elite, very small group of people, that is, of course, unless you can find enough parties.
~Contributed by Marik, the Ankhman~
