Work and The Interview
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Work is a four-letter word.
A common dictionary lists 6 separate entries that pertain to labor, occupation and/or the securing of a paycheck. Among those entries are the definitions:
Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something
Something that one is doing, making, or performing, especially as an occupation or undertaking
A trade, profession, or other means of livelihood
A duty or task
Employment
A job
Of these, I am focusing primarily on the final definitions, and specifically the routine commonly used to secure such.
Most humans (and others, as well) secure employment so that they may afford some of the things in life that are necessary for day-to-day survival. A place to live, food to eat, transportation, cable television, and of course the indispensable computer with internet service.
There are many varieties of jobs that can be found around the world and the conditions and pay vary widely. But regardless of your eventual employment, if you are not self-employed or incredibly fortunate to have been born into fabulous wealth, royalty, or are the son of a teamster, there are some rituals that must be endured.
First, the prospective worker must find a place that will consider hiring him. If he's actually serious about finding a job, he will find a hundred places that will consider hiring him. He then takes a week and visits each place and leaves resumes and fills out applications. If he is prepared, he will have an answering machine to accept the calls from the particularly desperate employers that he will avoid until he has no other options.
In the second week he takes calls and schedules interviews. Also, this would be the time to prompt some of the more desirable workplaces to remember that he had filled out an application. After the flat out rejections and the putting aside of the less desirables he should have approximately a fifth of the original hundred left, leaving him with only 20 interviews to schedule for the third week.
The interview is a particularly difficult encounter. The job seeker rises early, which is not difficult, as he has been too nervous about the upcoming interviews to sleep anyway. He then goes through a meticulous routine to be sure that his hygiene is impeccable. Then he dresses in a suit that hasn't been out of the closet since his Aunt Martha's 50th birthday and is really the only decent set of clothes he has. Then, after checking the mirror and his checklist for the 17th time, he is finally ready to depart, making certain that he has the names, addresses and maps for the interview he's scheduled as well as his resumes again and at least two pens, one of which doesn't leak.
Once he arrives at the location, he is greeted by an overly pleasant receptionist who has him sit in the overly comfortable lobby chair while she pages the Personnel Manager (PM). The first hurdle comes when the PM enters the lobby and he must struggle up from the chair without dropping his materials, damaging his suit which he swears is getting tighter as the day goes on because he couldn't have put on that much weight since Aunt Martha turned 50, or making any rude or obscene body gestures.
The second hurdle, of course, is the handshake. If he is very lucky, the PM will ignore his sweaty palms. The most difficult part of the handshake is the knowledge of how hard to shake hands. If the job seeker is wise, he will gauge how strong the grip of the PM is and use that as his goal. PM with crushed hands find it difficult to sign a hiring contract.
Next is the interview itself. Most interviews are fairly straightforward and the danger is not so much in how you answer but what you do while you are answering. The job seeker finds that there is no comfortable position that is not incredibly awkward while being interviewed. He will desire to test other positions of his arms throughout the interview, but if he's smart, he will resist these urges, changing position only when it is absolutely necessary, such as when he can no longer feel his leg as it has gone to sleep.
He will also need to keep his eyes from wandering. Eye contact can be hard to maintain, but the job seeker will need to use all of his will to do so. He will likely find a feature of the PM so fascinating that he starts staring at it, watching the way it moves as the PM talks. This will usually satisfy the need for keeping your eyes to the PM, but if he is not careful, the job-seeker will become so involved in his observation of this amazing facial feature that he may forget to listen to what the PM is saying and fail to respond when prompted.
Once all of the other hurdles have been cleared, it remains only for him to take his leave. There is no way to actually look good while exiting. The best he can do is to remember all of what he brought in with him and not trip on the threshold. Hopefully the PM will also fail to notice the chocolate stain on the seat of his pants from the candy dropped on the seat of his car by one of the neighbors' uncontrollable children.
He then repeats this process over the course of the week, somehow finding time to drive, eat and keep from falling asleep in the overly comfortable lobby chairs while he waits for the PM to be paged. He also collects his phone messages from home and calls those places that are highest on his list of places to be hired and learns that most of them have filled their positions, but is told they'll keep his application on file.
By the fourth week, he's lost fifteen pounds. He begins calling the places that he interviewed to see if they've made thier decisions yet. He finally starts calling those places that were so desperate to employ him during the first week to find that they've nearly all found people as desperate to be hired as they were to hire them.
The fifth week finds him frantic and with dwindling funds as he considers the possibility that he'll be required to begin the whole process anew when his prayer is answered and he is finally gainfully employed. He'll start the following Monday. There is a dress code.
Now he gets to learn what work really means.
A common dictionary lists 6 separate entries that pertain to labor, occupation and/or the securing of a paycheck. Among those entries are the definitions:
Physical or mental effort or activity directed toward the production or accomplishment of something
Something that one is doing, making, or performing, especially as an occupation or undertaking
A trade, profession, or other means of livelihood
A duty or task
Employment
A job
Of these, I am focusing primarily on the final definitions, and specifically the routine commonly used to secure such.
Most humans (and others, as well) secure employment so that they may afford some of the things in life that are necessary for day-to-day survival. A place to live, food to eat, transportation, cable television, and of course the indispensable computer with internet service.
There are many varieties of jobs that can be found around the world and the conditions and pay vary widely. But regardless of your eventual employment, if you are not self-employed or incredibly fortunate to have been born into fabulous wealth, royalty, or are the son of a teamster, there are some rituals that must be endured.
First, the prospective worker must find a place that will consider hiring him. If he's actually serious about finding a job, he will find a hundred places that will consider hiring him. He then takes a week and visits each place and leaves resumes and fills out applications. If he is prepared, he will have an answering machine to accept the calls from the particularly desperate employers that he will avoid until he has no other options.
In the second week he takes calls and schedules interviews. Also, this would be the time to prompt some of the more desirable workplaces to remember that he had filled out an application. After the flat out rejections and the putting aside of the less desirables he should have approximately a fifth of the original hundred left, leaving him with only 20 interviews to schedule for the third week.
The interview is a particularly difficult encounter. The job seeker rises early, which is not difficult, as he has been too nervous about the upcoming interviews to sleep anyway. He then goes through a meticulous routine to be sure that his hygiene is impeccable. Then he dresses in a suit that hasn't been out of the closet since his Aunt Martha's 50th birthday and is really the only decent set of clothes he has. Then, after checking the mirror and his checklist for the 17th time, he is finally ready to depart, making certain that he has the names, addresses and maps for the interview he's scheduled as well as his resumes again and at least two pens, one of which doesn't leak.
Once he arrives at the location, he is greeted by an overly pleasant receptionist who has him sit in the overly comfortable lobby chair while she pages the Personnel Manager (PM). The first hurdle comes when the PM enters the lobby and he must struggle up from the chair without dropping his materials, damaging his suit which he swears is getting tighter as the day goes on because he couldn't have put on that much weight since Aunt Martha turned 50, or making any rude or obscene body gestures.
The second hurdle, of course, is the handshake. If he is very lucky, the PM will ignore his sweaty palms. The most difficult part of the handshake is the knowledge of how hard to shake hands. If the job seeker is wise, he will gauge how strong the grip of the PM is and use that as his goal. PM with crushed hands find it difficult to sign a hiring contract.
Next is the interview itself. Most interviews are fairly straightforward and the danger is not so much in how you answer but what you do while you are answering. The job seeker finds that there is no comfortable position that is not incredibly awkward while being interviewed. He will desire to test other positions of his arms throughout the interview, but if he's smart, he will resist these urges, changing position only when it is absolutely necessary, such as when he can no longer feel his leg as it has gone to sleep.
He will also need to keep his eyes from wandering. Eye contact can be hard to maintain, but the job seeker will need to use all of his will to do so. He will likely find a feature of the PM so fascinating that he starts staring at it, watching the way it moves as the PM talks. This will usually satisfy the need for keeping your eyes to the PM, but if he is not careful, the job-seeker will become so involved in his observation of this amazing facial feature that he may forget to listen to what the PM is saying and fail to respond when prompted.
Once all of the other hurdles have been cleared, it remains only for him to take his leave. There is no way to actually look good while exiting. The best he can do is to remember all of what he brought in with him and not trip on the threshold. Hopefully the PM will also fail to notice the chocolate stain on the seat of his pants from the candy dropped on the seat of his car by one of the neighbors' uncontrollable children.
He then repeats this process over the course of the week, somehow finding time to drive, eat and keep from falling asleep in the overly comfortable lobby chairs while he waits for the PM to be paged. He also collects his phone messages from home and calls those places that are highest on his list of places to be hired and learns that most of them have filled their positions, but is told they'll keep his application on file.
By the fourth week, he's lost fifteen pounds. He begins calling the places that he interviewed to see if they've made thier decisions yet. He finally starts calling those places that were so desperate to employ him during the first week to find that they've nearly all found people as desperate to be hired as they were to hire them.
The fifth week finds him frantic and with dwindling funds as he considers the possibility that he'll be required to begin the whole process anew when his prayer is answered and he is finally gainfully employed. He'll start the following Monday. There is a dress code.
Now he gets to learn what work really means.
