Tune a guitar using a minimum of equipment

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You will most certainly one day find yourself in a situation where you wish you could tune a guitar. Reading this, you probably don't want to spend an awful lot of time actually learning to play the guitar, you simly want to tune it. This kind of knowledge comes in handy everywhere, and it can score you social points, even though it is in no way comprehensive.

Let's do it. This is what you need:
1. One functional finger on each hand (right thumb and left index finger is fine)
2. One functional ear.
3. One functional guitar.
At least one functional eye is an advantage, but not necessary.

This is what you do:
1. Sit down.
2. Place the instrument on your lap so that the neck points to the left and the strings point out from your body. Most guitars have curves designed to fit your lap. The guitar should now rest comfortably to your lap and chest.
3. A guitar normally has six strings. With your right thumb, gently move the string closest to your head (the heaviest one) to feel its tension. It should easily move approximately 5 mm (1/4 inch) to either side.
4. If it does, fine. You can now be relatively safe the upper string is somewhat in tune. If the string is slacker or more tense than above described, find its corresponding tuner. Follow the string to the left, and find which tuner it is attached to. It should be the one closest to your head. Turn the movable part of the tuner a few rounds (not too many!) in either direction. Test tension and turn until you find the string is tense enough.
5. Now for the next strings: Place your left index finger upon the string you just tuned, between the fourth and fifth metal bar (these are called frets) on the neck of the guitar. Squeeze firmly enough for the string to rest on the two frets, even when you pick the string.
6. With your right thumb, pick the uppermost string and then its lower neighbour, allowing them to vibrate simultaneously. Note that your left index finger should never touch more than one string.
7. Use your ear to determine if you hear "one sound" from the two strings, or wether it is "not the same sound" from each of the strings. The goal here is to obtain the same sound, or tone, from both of the strings.
8. To obtain this goal, turn the tuner of the second string up or down until you hear only one tone when picking both the strings. An additional check is to use your eyes (where available) to see if the strings have slow bi-vibrations when both of them are picked. They should not have.
9. Move your left index finger one string downwards, and perform step 5-8 with the second+third and third+fourth strings.
10. With the fourth+fifth strings, the only difference is in point 5. Place your left index finger between the third and fourth fret instead of fourth and fifth.
11. The fifth+sixth strings are tuned as usual. Follow point 5-8.

You have now tuned a guitar. This method should work for all six-string guitars, and it is guaranteed to bring you some kind of reward, depending on the situation you're in. Good luck.

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