The Santa Claus Conspiracy
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Who IS this so-called St. Nick?
An equivilant to a Southern slave-holder, yet based in the frozen North, mercilessly driving the helpless elves to do his evil bidding and effectively take over the world by brainwashing the children to be "good"?
A potential candidate for a Betty Ford Clinic for Milk-and-Cookie addictions?
An alien who arrived earlier than his Roswellian cohorts?
What are his motives? Why the secrecy and mystery?
What is he hiding in the frozen North?
The possibilities are endless. First, let us examine the myth.
A basic synopsis:
Act like a near-saint for the month of December to atone for your sins of the previous 11 months and you are rewarded.
Period.
The French believe that Santa Claus works with another man: Father Flog. As Claus rewards the "good" children, Father Flog leaves sticks and such for parents to whip and spank their bad children with. Could the nefarious Flog be Claus's evil twin? The Devil to Santa's god-hood?
OR IS IT FATHER CHRISTMAS HIMSELF???
Could Mr. Claus have multiple personalities? If so, is the kindly, grandmotherly Mrs. Claus yet another one of his personalities?
Is Mr. Claus, in fact, an early Norman Bates???
Or is it something far more sinister?
Never will we know the answer.
Analysis:
Mostly harmless.
An equivilant to a Southern slave-holder, yet based in the frozen North, mercilessly driving the helpless elves to do his evil bidding and effectively take over the world by brainwashing the children to be "good"?
A potential candidate for a Betty Ford Clinic for Milk-and-Cookie addictions?
An alien who arrived earlier than his Roswellian cohorts?
What are his motives? Why the secrecy and mystery?
What is he hiding in the frozen North?
The possibilities are endless. First, let us examine the myth.
A basic synopsis:
Act like a near-saint for the month of December to atone for your sins of the previous 11 months and you are rewarded.
Period.
The French believe that Santa Claus works with another man: Father Flog. As Claus rewards the "good" children, Father Flog leaves sticks and such for parents to whip and spank their bad children with. Could the nefarious Flog be Claus's evil twin? The Devil to Santa's god-hood?
OR IS IT FATHER CHRISTMAS HIMSELF???
Could Mr. Claus have multiple personalities? If so, is the kindly, grandmotherly Mrs. Claus yet another one of his personalities?
Is Mr. Claus, in fact, an early Norman Bates???
Or is it something far more sinister?
Never will we know the answer.
Analysis:
Mostly harmless.
